I could feel my blush travel from my cheeks all the way up to my forehead and down my neck. My heart was beating hard in my chest, and for a moment, my fingers trembled as I reached for my mug of hot chocolate, “Thank you.” I whispered, unsure of what to say. I received compliments all the time from Shay and his friends, but for some reason, hearing Keenan speak of me this way, gave me a funny feeling in my stomach.
“There she is!” I pointed out my mother who had finally emerged from the crowd and got into a lineup, “Thank you for the hot chocolate,” I said, pulling on my pink parka as I prepared to leave. In my peripheral, I could make out Keenan watching me, his expression pained and troubled again. He looked over to my mother, to me, and back again. It was like he was deliberating something and was struggling to make a decision.
“You’re welcome,” he murmured, his eyes flickering over to my mum who hadn’t noticed us yet. He stood up in a rush, and seized my arm, swinging me behind him as he used his body to block my mother from my view. Before I could comment, he crouched down before me so that his face was at level with mine. “Thank you for helping me with my Christmas shopping,” he said gently.
I scrunch my nose again as I thought about our short shopping excursion, and frowned at him. “You didn’t get anything…”
“No, but you gave me some good ideas that will help. I appreciate it. You’re a good girl.”
His words rang in my memory. The last time I’d talked to him, he had called me that, too. I stared into his face, noticing how he looked a little sad as the corners of his mouth tightened, and wondered why. I reached out and cupped his cheek in my little hand, feeling the rough whisker on his jaw. His eyes widened for a moment, but he didn’t pull away. I fixed him with a hard look, determined and serious as I studied his concerned expression. Something was bothering him, something big, and he was struggling. I didn’t know what it was, or why, but like with most people who appeared upset or stressed, I felt an urge to help, in any way I could. The best I could do at this moment was to lean forward and give his whiskered cheek a little kiss.
His reaction caught me off-guard, because he reached out like a whip and hugged me tight, burying his face into my hair. He cupped the back of my head gently, his other arm crushing me close to his chest. “Gotta say, Sunshine, I’m a little jealous of your brother, right now…”
“Of Shay?” I furrowed my brow in confusion as he pressed me into him. I turned my head so that my nose and my mouth were free from his coat and were touching the smooth skin on his neck instead.
“I am,” he laughed lightly, but it sounded like it was forced. “For the first time ever, I think.”
“Why?” I couldn’t mistake the ache in his voice.
“I’m jealous, because he is so damned lucky to have someone like you in his life. You’re a little ray of light, Mina. A ray of light in all of our dark, shitty lives...”
For the second time in a matter of minutes, Keenan managed to make me blush. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him hold me for as long as he needed.
“I worry about you, Cutie,” he said, his voice hushed.
“Worried about me? Why?”
Keenan pulled back ever so slightly and peered over his shoulder at my mother, whose order was almost finished. Still hugging me, he lowered his mouth so that his whiskers tickled my face as his lips touched my ear. “I know things, Mina. I know things about your stepfather and your stepbrother… it makes me afraid for you.”
I felt my eyes widen in alarm. What the heck was he talking about? What things did he know? Why would he be worried?
“I’m afraid that your light will be snuffed out by them… and that would be a fucking shame. I want to be able to know that you can contact me if you need someone. Whether it’s just to talk, or if you need help, or-”
“Key…”
“No! I’m serious, Sunshine.” He was scaring me a little, but I listened with rapt attention as he spoke, hearing the determination in his voice. “I want to be able to contact you.”
“I-”
“Mina, you’re still young. Young and innocent and good. Do you remember what I told you about Shay?”
… Your brother is not good… I shivered at the memory.
“Your brother is headed down a dark road, Mina. He’s becoming a little… unhinged…” I thought about the other day when I saw that dark shadow cross over his face and how it had frightened me. Keenan went on, “I’m just worried about you, is all.”
“I’m okay. Shay would never hurt me.” I don’t know if I was trying to comfort him or myself.
“And I’m sure that’s true, but just in case, I would like a way for you to contact me. Even if it’s just you telling me everything is fine.”
“Like… pen pals?” I asked, smiling at the thought. Way back in the fourth grade our class had a pen pal program set up with another school across the city. The kids were rich and lived in the upper-class area of the city our town bordered, Ashland. The girl I had talked to had been really nice, and for a while, we sent letters back and forth and photos. She had been really pretty… biracial… her dad was a police officer, and her mum was an artist. But, like most pen pal relationships, it eventually fizzled out as we became more engrossed with other things in our lives and day-to-day activities. Having Keenan as a pen pal was a thrilling idea.
He pulled back a bit and flashed his beautiful, crooked smile at me. “Just like pen pals. You can tell me about your ballet, school, stuff at home, or even draw me some pictures. As long as I’m hearing from you, that’s all I’d like.”
“Well, I can’t draw,” I admitted. “All my animals look like blobs with stick legs, and the people look worse. But I will write,” I said eagerly. “And you have to write back.”
“I will,” he promised.
“What is your address?”
He shook his head. “Here’s the thing, Cutie, you can’t tell anyone about our notes, so no names or addresses.”
“Why?”
“Because your brother doesn’t like me. And because he doesn’t like me, your stepdad doesn’t, either. And your mum won’t understand,” His blue eyes glanced again over his shoulder at my mother, who was watching a bag-boy pack up her purchases while she paid. Keenan gripped my shoulders and faced me again. “Do you understand? You cannot tell anybody. This will be our little secret. Just between you and me, okay? That will make it something special just for us two.”
I liked the sound of that. It was kind of like the secret Shay and I kept from everyone, about our slumber parties we had every night. But I liked the idea of this one better. So I grinned and nodded at him.
He tapped the tip of my nose with his finger, “Good girl.”
“How will I get the notes to you?”
“How about I hide them somewhere around your property?” he suggested. “Do you know a safe spot?”
I furrowed my brow as I thought it over. Was there a place we could hide our messages without Shay or anyone accidentally coming across them? Not the shed. James and Shay kept cleaning supplies and all kinds of weird looking tools and stuff in there. They used that place all the time. That was a big no, and anyways, I was forbidden to go in there. Also, the garage was off-limits as it was where their Harley Davidson’s and trucks were parked. Then it hit me. “My bedroom is on the main floor of my house at the back. Underneath the window, there’s a big boulder that I use when I want to sneak out.” I don’t add that I use it specifically for when Mum and James are fighting with each other in the main room and I just want to get away until things calm down. “How about we hide the notes under a rock or something beside it?”