I slowly approached the house, my eyes still on the ground as my smile and thoughts of Keenan quickly vanished.
“Sorry, lost track of time…” I muttered and trudged up the steps to the porch where he was waiting. As I tried to move past him, one of his large, rough hands shot out and stopped me, holding my shoulder. I froze in my tracks. His other hand moved up under my chin, tilting my head back so that I was looking up into his silver gaze. Oh, shit… can he tell?
“Lost track of time?” he said, his voice filled with doubt.
“I-I just wanted to get some more practice in for dance. Auditions for the town’s Christmas Pageant are November first.” When he continued to stare at me suspiciously, I quickly changed tact, squirming under the searching look in his silver eyes. Occasionally, I could fool Shay, as long as I made it sound like an appeal to him. “I know you are usually at the club on Saturday’s… but you did say you were going to come watch me try out, right?” I made my voice sound as sad as possible and let my chin quiver slightly in his grip. Seriously, sometimes I needed an Oscar for my performances. I needed them to be believable so Shay wouldn’t go off the deep end.
At once, his face softened and he pulled me into a tight hug. “Of course I’ll be there, Sweetness. I’ll pick you up after school and take you.”
I hugged him back feeling like, for a brief moment, the old Shay was holding me. He was still one of the only people who made me feel truly loved. When he hugged me like this, I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around his waist and sink into his embrace, and pray he wouldn’t see through my guise. He kissed the top of my head. “You hungry?”
“Starving!” Though I was actually still full from Keenan’s little picnic, I was just so filled with relief that he bought it, I’d force some more food down my throat.
“I made lasagna.” He kept an arm around my shoulders and led me inside, locking the door behind us. As usual, James and Mum were gone, at the club no doubt, and it was just the two of us here. Over the years, Shay had gotten more creative with our meals, and when I was home, he enlisted my help. But on days when I had practice, he took it upon himself to cook for us both. That is, if he wasn’t working.
“I’m going to shower first,” I said, heading off to the bathroom that we shared. “I stink after dancing for so long.”
“No need to tell me that.” He wrinkled his nose playfully. “I could smell you coming down the driveway.”
“Ass.” I glared at him and headed off, ignoring his amused chuckle.
I took a hot shower, letting it ease my sore muscles, and my mind drifted to Keenan. The little bits and pieces of himself that slipped through his tough-guy front were so heartbreaking. Lost his mother to addiction. While mine was an alcoholic, his was into drugs. He basically raised himself in a shitty trailer, learning how to cook, clean his clothes, and made sure he was in school everyday. But when his mum died when he was nine, his dad started grooming him for biker life. And now, he’s a full fledged member of the Black Spades. But he was different from Shay. I don’t know exactly what the Spades were about, but whatever it was, it was clear Keenan, though he had obviously seen some shit, wasn’t as damaged as my stepbrother.
I turned off the water and toweled off, plaiting my hair into a French braid, changed into a pair of grey sweats and a lavender sweater, and headed out to the kitchen. I sat at the table where a plate of hot food waited for me: lasagna, peas, and a piece of garlic toast. I dug in as Shay cleaned up the kitchen.
“How was school?” he asked, drying off some dishes from earlier.
“It was okay. We're studying the Russian Revolution. It’s boring as hell, but I think I’ll do alright on the first test,” I said. I’d already gone over the first few chapters several times, trying to familiarize myself with the timeline and foreign names. “And Becca and Ashley got into a fight today.”
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. My two friends, who were incredibly close with each other growing up, but as of late, were constantly butting heads over petty shit. However, it was no less entertaining for everyone else in our group. “What now?” he asked, his tone bored.
“Well, Scott asked Ashley to the Halloween dance, but Becca’s been crushing on him since the beginning of last summer. Anyways, Ashley said yes, and when Becca found out, she lost it and they had a hair pulling match in the cafeteria. Mrs. Taylor walked in and gave them both detention. Now, they are both in charge of helping the social committee decorate the gym for the dance.” I smirked. I’d drifted further and further away from those two over the years, so I never felt like I had to pick sides or intervene when they went at each other.
Shay rolled his eyes. “Halloween dance.” He shook his head. His school, St. Matthews, had been a disciplinary institute. They never held dances. “You all are fifteen years old… why do you need to go to dances?”
“Because they’re fun and you get a night out with your friends.”
“You’re not going.”
“Yes I am. James already said it was okay.”
Shay’s head snapped to me. “He did? Did someone ask you to go?” His tone had dropped then, a danger sign. Whenever he did this, I knew he was getting to a point where he was getting angry and could possibly lose his shit. Ever since I hit puberty and started getting male attention, Shay had become increasingly protective and strict (God, poor Eli). It was annoying as hell, and I was terrified if a guy ever came up to ask me anything, worried for his safety in case my crazy stepbrother saw us together. He was taking his role as big brother a little too seriously.
It’s not as a stepbrother… a small nagging voice at the back of my head whispered to me. No… I instantly quashed that down and ignored it.
“I’m going with my friends,” I clarified. “I want to go as leftovers.”
He raised a brow at me, his anger receding. “Leftovers? What the fuck is that?”
“I’m going to roll myself up in tinfoil and write meatloaf on my side.” I smiled inwardly, trying to picture a young Keenan dressed this way, heading out around the trailer park, trick or treating. I bet he looked super cute!
Shay tossed his head back and laughed hard. “Oh shit, Mina. You are something else. Are you sure you don’t want to go as a slutty nurse? A slutty snowman? A slutty showerhead or some shit?”
“Could I?” I asked, knowing what he will say.
“No.”
“Well, then, leftovers it is!”
He smirked and shook his head, putting the rest of the dishes away. I cleared my plate and washed it, letting it air dry in the rack and sat down on the edge of the couch, my muscles screaming at me from the endless training I had been putting myself through. Shay meandered over and lay out on the couch so that his head was resting in my lap, his face angled up at me. His silver eyes were focused on my face and I idly ran my fingers through his long, messy hair, our usual custom when we relax together.
I was almost always on edge around Shay, trying to think of ways to keep him calm and mellow. I learned that one of those things was cuddling up and having me stroke his untidy, dark locks. So I obliged as often as I could. Or at least, as often as he was around.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.