Shay is still asleep in his room, and I hoped to avoid him as much as possible today, but I needed to speak with James first. I’d heard his motorcycle pull in about half an hour after I had come back inside and locked myself in my bedroom. He came in, armed the house, and headed upstairs, most likely to catch a bit of shuteye after a long night. Spurred by Keenan’s gift, I forged a plan in my mind, one that will hopefully help stop this… whatever this thing is between Shay and I. So, I’d hidden the necklace and phone under the floorboards beneath my bed and got a few more hours of sleep before the sound of James moving around the kitchen woke me up. Grateful for the opportunity to have a moment alone with him, I quickly climbed out of bed. It was early afternoon by this time, and I stumbled into the kitchen to see him at the stove, making some scrambled eggs and sausage.
“Morning, Baby Girl.” James smiled at me, as I sank into a chair at the table.
I had changed from my dress into a pair of pink sweats and a black Celtic Beasts club tank top, and my hair was up in a ballerina bun.
James was wearing his plaid, cotton pants that he liked to sleep in, and nothing else. Like every other guy that was a part of his gang, he had tattoos all over. There was a Celtic cross on the left side of his neck, a Celtic dragon across his back, and tribal tattoos up and down both arms. He also had my mother’s name on his chest, Emily, his newest tattoo, which tugged at my heartstrings whenever I saw it. He had Shay’s and my name scribed on his skin, too, on his inner left forearm in black script. I had been twelve when he had gotten my name permanently etched onto his skin, and had been incredibly touched by the gesture.
James put a plate of eggs, toast and sausage in front of me, kissed my forehead, and moved back to the stove to make more. He had a cigarette hanging between his teeth as he cooked and his dark, silver streaked hair fell over his brow.
“James, may I ask you something?”
“Of course, what’s up?” he said, without looking up.
“It’s about college.”
His shoulders tensed for just a second before he resumed what he was doing. It had been a slight movement, but I had caught it. “What about it?”
“Well, I had always planned on studying dance before… before…” My voice trailed off. Ugh! I didn’t want to think about that now! Luckily, James nodded, understanding, saving me from having to talk about it, so I moved on, “Well, I’m done with high school next year, so I need to start making plans for after.” He nods, still not looking my way, and keeps his focus on the stove. “I obviously can’t study dance anymore…” I choke a little at this confession. It was one of the many things I’d been refusing to dwell on this past month. I let out a long, steady breath. I’m testing the waters here. “What do you think I should do?”
His dark eyes flash in my direction, and I can’t help but notice how he glanced down the hall towards Shay’s room, before he turned back to me. “Well Mina, what are you interested in studying?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. My previous plans are kind of shot to hell. I don’t have a backup. But I think it would be good for me to move out on my own and go to school and try to find something new to become passionate about.”
I notice as I start talking that James has started making more noise than necessary in the kitchen. He moves around, letting plates clatter down on the countertop, washing the dishes and letting them bang into the sink. He was going to wake up Shay if he didn’t keep it down, and I wanted to talk just to him… not my stepbrother. I spoke up again, “I always wanted to see another city. I think it would be good for me to get out and gain a little independence, don’t you think?”
“College is expensive, honey,” he said, not looking at me as he dropped the pan loudly off to the side, “And moving away to a whole new city is going to be pretty scary and nerve-wracking, and you don’t want to waste the money on classes you probably won’t even like.”
I was frustrated by his lack of enthusiasm and support. “I know, but the first year is usually the year people take to find themselves, to explore and find a subject that interests them so that they can be more selective for the next year. Lots of people do it.”
James scooped some fresh eggs out of the pan and onto a plate, before tossing the dirty dishware into the sink with a loud bang, and started washing. He didn’t look angry. Not at all. But I could sense the tension rolling off of him. “Do you think that would be safe for you to move to another city where you don’t know anyone? What if something ever happened to you, Mina? We already lost your mother…”
I felt my face turn red at his words. Was he seriously trying to guilt me right now? I sat up straighter. “You’d be surprised how many people go away to school. Some go to different countries where they don’t even speak the language! As for safety, even living at home has proved to be dangerous.”
His dark eyes flash to me again, obviously bitter by my comment, and stubs his cigarette into a glass ashtray off to the side.
I quickly go on, hoping to placate him by being understanding of his comments. “But, I get what you’re saying about money. If I don’t know what I want to study, I can postpone going to school,” he relaxed then, and so I pressed onward, “so I was thinking I’d travel a bit, instead.” And right away, he tensed right back up like a spring. “I’d love to go to Europe. And there are sites online for women who want to travel but don’t know anyone, so you can sign up with them and be travel buddies. You can go in groups so it’s safer, so security isn’t an issue. As for money, I have a bunch set aside from my dad that I’ll get on my eighteenth birthday, and I’ll just be a penny-pincher while I move around until then-”
“While you move around where?”
I freeze at the sound of Shay’s voice. He walks up the hall in his dark sweats, topless, showing off his frightening tats and muscle, the lines on his hips that create the V leading beneath the hem of his pants are fully on display. His dark hair is mussed from sleep, and he heads over to the coffee machine with half-lidded eyes as he pours himself a cup. I really didn’t want to have this conversation with him, and remembering last night, it only cements that notion… but looks like there was no going around it. Remembering his touch, his lips on me, I lower my eyes to my plate, wracked by shame and apprehension.
“I was just talking with James about my future plans,” I say as casually as I can, taking a bite of my toast as I try to calm my nerves before continuing, “like moving away for school, or traveling.”
If James had seemed tense, it was nothing compared to the way Shay froze up. Watching him in my peripheral, I saw how the muscles in his back actually bulged a bit, and the arm holding his coffee cup was so strained, I could make out the veins popping up from under his skin. “Oh?” he said, his voice dark and tight.
“Yeah, well, graduation is next year. I need to figure out what I’m going to do with my life. Dance is out. I’d like to apply for college, but if I don’t know what I want to study. So, I was thinking of travelling for a bit. Maybe to Europe.”
“It’s not safe,” he said, keeping his back to me.
James was leaning against the counter, holding his own cup of coffee in his hands, but his dark eyes were moving back and forth between Shay and I.