"What did I do?" I ask Julieta.
She squeezes my hand. "You didn't do anything. You had another episode."
"To Hunter. What did I do to him?"
"I didn't see it all. We came out of the store, and you were already in a panic. What do you last remember?"
"The parking lot. He...he wanted to know everything."
"Did you tell him?" she quietly asks.
"No! He'll be in danger. We can never tell them anything."
She turns away from me and puts her hands over her face and takes deep breaths.
"Julieta?"
She keeps breathing.
I repeat her name and scoot my chair closer.
Guilt fills her face. "I told Ryker some things."
"About the movement?" I'm shocked she would reveal anything but try to hide it so I don't appear judgmental.
"Yes."
"When?"
"Last night. I... I didn't mean to. He wouldn't stop asking me and I... I just felt so bad, you know?"
"Yes. I do."
"But I don't want him to get hurt. He promised me he wouldn't say anything, but these guys are tight and..."
"You think he would tell them?"
"No. But I messed up today. I think I lost his trust."
"No, you didn't. He seems crazy about you."
"I don't understand why he would be. I'm just messed up."
I snort. "At least you don't have panic attacks every time he touches you."
She raises her eyebrows. "I don't think it's every time."
The quiet of the night mixes with our silence.
Just ask her.
"So who were those men at the border?" I ask.
"No idea. It's not who is usually there."
"Why, have you been there before?"
She takes another deep breath. "Miguel and I had an apartment in Costa Rica. When I started taking extra work trips to buy the land in Belize, my sister was pregnant. I still didn't know about the affair. I didn't realize it was Miguel's. The trips I worked were legitimate at first."
"What happened?"
"After a year of working extra shifts, they moved me to the private planes. It was more money. After three of those trips, I had saved enough money and bought the land for Miguel for his birthday. But they made me keep flying, and after the tenth trip, that's when stuff started."
"I'm confused. You used to go through the border for work?"
"No. Miguel hates to fly, since he's so tall, so we always drove everywhere. He's known the landowner on the Guatemalan side since we were kids. Instead of spending hours in the immigration line and driving out of our way, we always went through the path. As long as we paid the Honduran owner when we passed, it was never an issue. We would swap the ATV with the truck at the gate of our property when we came and went."
"When was the last time you made the trip?"
Tears well in her eyes. Pain and agony radiate from them. "Four years ago. I found out about Miguel and Josie. He had already moved there with Liliana. Said she needed our help."
I put my arm around her. "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that's been like for you."
She wipes her face. "I was so stupid. It was right under my nose for years. I did all that to buy that property so we could move to Belize because that's what Miguel always dreamed of. Even though I didn't need to earn any more extra money, I couldn't get out. Once you're in, they own you. There's no escape."
"It's prison," I mutter.
"Yes."
She understands everything.
"But I told Ryker some things...what if they find out?"
They will kill him and you.
"You can't do anything about it. Just make sure you reiterate to him that he can't ever speak of it."
She puts her hands over her face again. "I'm so tired of hiding and this being my life. I don't even know who I am anymore."
"If it makes you feel any better, I don't, either. I'm a forty-one-year-old mess."
She scoffs. "I've got you by a year."
"What am I going to do about Hunter?" I blurt out.
"I'm not sure, but he's coming out here..."
"What?"
Oh God. I'm not ready to face him yet.
"He's been checking on you every five minutes."
"How long have I been out here?"
"Over an hour," Hunter's deep voice booms.
I close my eyes. Shit, shit, shit!
Julieta pats my arm. "I'll see you inside."
The door shuts, and his scent flares in my nostrils and energy radiates into my cells. I don't need to look. He's next to me. Slowly, I open my eyes.
The glow of the moon shines on his face, and I can't ignore the hurt, pain, and confusion that resides in his eyes.
He quietly says, "I don't want to keep hurting you, Flower."
"You aren't," I insist.
"I am. I scare you."
I grasp his hand. "No."
"It's pointless denying it. Facts are facts."
My insides quiver.
He's going to break up with me.
"I'm sorry. I'm not sure why it keeps happening around you."
"Tell me what I can do so I don't affect you like that again."
There are no answers for me to give him. I'm powerless over how to control it. And it rips my soul that he feels responsible for my inability to control my own body. I blurt out, "This isn't your fault. It's mine."
"I'm not here to go back and forth over blame, Flower. You deserve a man who isn't going to make you shake in fear."
He's done with me. He's had enough.
I wipe my tears. "I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing."
My heart shatters into pieces. What was I thinking, being with Hunter? He has his life together.
He's out of my league.
He doesn't need me and my complex issues.
I'm just hurting him.
"Tell me what you need from me, Flower. I don't want you to keep going through this."
Why can't I be normal?
"Please. Whatever it is, just be straight with me." he begs.
"I can't give you an answer," I choke out. "I don't control it. It just happens."
"But I'm triggering you. I'm causing it somehow."
"No. You aren't."
"I am. So tell me what you need."
I can't let him break up with me.
I rise and sit on his lap. "I need you, Hunter. That's it. Not any other version other than who you are. Please, give me another chance. I don't want to lose you." Tears fall faster.
He cups my face. "You think I want to leave you?"
"Don't you?"
"No. But I want to be the man you deserve, not one who hurts you."
"Stop saying you hurt me. You haven't laid a finger on me and never would."
"But you cower when I come near you whenever you have a panic attack. Tell me what I'm doing so I can stop."
Frustrated, I cry out, "I don't know. I'm messed up! And I don't know how to do any of this."