When I finish washing, I dry off and notice the wedding dress hanging over the door. Hives pop out on my arms again. They've been coming and going since the Carlos incident, and I do some deep breaths to try to calm down.
Pull it together to get through today, or there will be consequences.
I'm dying today anyway.
It's barely light out. I open the French doors to the balcony and step outside, breathing in the fresh air, and sobbing as I see what Hunter has created.
He's put bouquets on the lawn. It spells 'love forever' in cursive, and the red hibiscuses are bright, which is a stark contrast to everything I'm feeling.
Petals are scattered everywhere, and the trees have bouquets in the shape of more hearts.
I'm sobbing so hard that I don't hear Carlos come in. "Ah. I see you're emotional over my gesture."
I glance up at him so quickly, my neck throbs in the spot it always does from my injury. "Sorry?"
He points to the lawn and trees. "I know red hibiscuses are your favorite, and I'm allergic, so I wanted to show you how much I love you and am ready for you to be my wife."
No. It can't be.
It's been him?
Hunter isn't here.
Oh God.
No. Carlos wouldn't do anything like this. It has to be Hunter.
He said Hunter was dust. What if he's been dead all this time?
Grief overpowers and swallows me. The erratic breathing that is starting to be the new normal for me begins, and I try to catch my breath.
"Why do you look so surprised? Did you think it was someone else leaving you flowers all along?" Carlos's eyes are slits.
"N-no. I'm just..."
I can't finish my sentence. I'm so choked up, and when Carlos pulls me out of my chair and circles his arms around me, I swallow down the bile that's rising.
Don't throw up again.
Hunter is dead.
"I'm glad you're better. I had the priest change our vows so they are quick and all you have to say is, 'I do.' I explained how you aren't feeling the best, and we need a quick ceremony so you aren't on your feet long."
There is no getting out of it.
He pulls me in for a kiss, and I weep in his mouth, but he pins me and deepens it until I'm gasping for air from the trepidation I always feel around him. "The team of people will be here to help you get ready. When you're ready, I'll meet you in the car to go to the church."
"You aren't going to meet me there?"
"No. I'll escort you."
I can't even arrive like a proper bride.
He releases me. "Today starts our future, Vanessa." He glances at my arms. "Get rid of those hives. Have the team put makeup over them if necessary. And make sure they remove your IV port."
I nod, and he leaves me sobbing on the balcony.
The red hibiscuses mock me, and I put my head over my knees, trying to calm down.
But I can't. All I see is Hunter's face.
I thought he was alive.
He's been dead all this time.
A sharp pain cuts through my soul, slashing me into pieces and taking me to the point of no return.
When the group of professionals comes into the room, I'm shaking and incoherent. I don't hear a word they say or respond once to them. They drag me off the balcony and do the best they can, but I can't stop the tears.
Arja comes in and yells in my face to snap out of it, but I'm stuck in a haze of sorrow, and nothing they try releases me from it.
Like a zombie, they dress me, then lead me down the grand staircase. I barely hear Carlos's words when he barks, "Why isn't her makeup done as the picture I chose?"
"She won't stop crying," someone says.
"Get her to stop! This is our wedding!" he orders.
"I think she's just happy, sir," someone offers and wraps their arms around my shoulders. It might be the seamstress, but I can't say for sure. All I can do is stare at the red hibiscuses in the trees and cry, mourning Hunter.
"I'll inform the guests she's very emotional due to happiness." I think it's Arja who speaks.
Carlos and the others continue conversing, and I lose the ability to stand. I fall to the ground and sob.
Carlos starts shouting and yanks me up then puts me in the car.
The seamstresses do something to my dress, but I only fixate through my tears on the red hibiscuses out the window.
At some point, Carlos gets into the car with Arja. When we pull out, I claw at the window, wailing about leaving the flowers.
The entire way to the church, Carlos and Arja aggressively talk, but nothing registers. Carlos even shakes me, but Arja screams for him to stop, and he does.
Hunter is dead. Nothing else matters. He died because of me. His beautiful life was destroyed, and it's my fault.
The car parks at the curb, and the driver opens the door. Arja steps out, and Carlos yanks the door shut. He turns to me. "Pull it together, now. Stop this! Or you will pay the price of disobeying me." He shoves another box of tissues in my face.
My body is trembling so much, I can't hold the box and it falls on my lap. Several times, I try to remove tissues, but I can't seem to sustain the grip.
Carlos takes several out, wipes my face and rolls down the window. "Get the makeup people here."
Within minutes, two artists are in the car and doing as Carlos orders.
Somehow, my tears stop flowing, but my shaking gets worse, and my hives itch so badly, I scratch my arm hard enough that it bleeds.
"Stop scratching," Carlos barks and clutches my hands to stop me.
It seems to be forever, but the makeup people put their tools down and tell Carlos, "There is nothing else we can do. This is as good as she's going to get."
The hatred and rage in his eyes are the worst I've ever seen. If others weren't in the car, I'm sure I would be murdered.
He points in my face and growls, "You have one job today. To stand next to me proudly and say 'I do.' Don't embarrass me." Carlos gets out of the car and tugs me out.
My limbs are like spaghetti, and he has to hold me up. "Walk, goddammit!"
No matter what the consequences of not obeying him, I can't seem to get my legs to support me enough to move.
He finally gives up expecting me to walk. He picks me up and carries me up the steps.
My eyes begin to focus. The heavy wooden doors of the church are closed. They are exactly like in my nightmares. One of Carlos's men is at the top of the landing, waiting to open the doors.
Music is playing on the grand organ, and the muffled sounds snap me into reality.
"Here comes the bride" mocks me in my ears.
Wedding. I'm at my wedding.
We're two steps from the top, and Carlos's guard falls to his knees. Blood seeps all over his chest and then his face. He falls toward us, and we fly backward.
Carlos and I tumble down the steps, along with the man. Another man in black comes around the corner and shoves a piece of wood through the handles of the church doors.
We hit the ground hard. I'm sandwiched between the man who lies lifeless on top of me and Carlos underneath me, my lungs crushing from the pressure. When I turn my head, blood covers Carlos's face, and there is a hole in his head.
I begin to scream. The red turns to bright, white light.
The heaviness of the dead man goes away. Every sound dulls to nothing. My body feels lifeless, like I'm floating.