But I hesitate. "If she wakes up—"
"Leave the door open. It's not even a foot away. I'll get you."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate—"
"No worries. Take a shower. Then you can rest better."
I keep the door open and shower quickly. When I finish, I shave my face and come back out to the bedroom in my towel.
"Feel like a new man?"
"Yeah."
Faron pats me on the back. "I'll see you tomorrow. My direct extension is on the card I put by the phone. Call if you need me. Get some rest."
"Thank you."
We shake hands, and he leaves.
I lock up, turn off the lights, and climb into bed with Vanessa.
All night, I don't sleep. I listen to her every breath, watch her every movement, and inhale the scent of her skin. Too often to count, I kiss her forehead or caress her cheek.
Sometimes, when she starts to cry harder, I hum Bob Marley to her, since it's really the only reggae I know by heart. It seems to calm her sobs.
I murmur to her how much I love her and how she needs to come back to me.
And I tell her how I killed Carlos and that the bastard will never again touch her.
When the morning comes, the ship leaves the dock. Within an hour, we're well into the ocean and gently rocking side to side.
I pull the curtain and open the slider door to get the fresh ocean air and as much sun inside as possible.
Jerry brings breakfast to our room. I don't eat a lot and try to wake her up, but she can't seem to come back to me. But when I put the bottle of water to her lips, she drinks some.
"That's a good girl," I praise her softly.
When Faron comes to check on her, I express my concern about her not eating.
"If she isn't awake and able to eat something by tomorrow, I'll get an IV of nutrients for her. It wouldn't be bad for her nervous system anyway, but I'd rather do that with her consent so she feels empowered and not controlled again." He quickly takes her temperature. "Her fever is down a little. Try to get some more water in her. I'll come back this afternoon and see how you're both doing."
He leaves, and I put the tray of food outside our door.
I pace the small room. It's only ten steps from the door to the balcony, and the bed is right near the slider.
Vanessa is quiet, so I sit on the balcony, staring at the waves, praying she comes back to me.
At times she starts to cry, I rush in and hold her.
Jerry brings more food, and Faron does another check and says he'll return at night.
Nothing seems to change. She stays asleep. Her eyes flutter now and again. Her sobs come and go.
All of it tortures me. The desperation I feel for her to wake up tears me to pieces. I try to ignore the fear consuming me, but it's nearly impossible.
When Faron does his night check, I'm struggling to keep my eyes open and ask him to stay while I shower again. He agrees, and I keep the bathroom door open in case she wakes up. After I finish, he says, "You need sleep. She's going to need you strong when she wakes up. You look like hell. When did you sleep last?"
"I don't know. I've been in the jungle for about two months and on a mission several weeks before that."
"If you don't sleep, you'll crash. Why don't I give you some melatonin to help?"
"No. I need to be available for her."
"I don't believe she will wake up tonight. Sleep. This isn't going to be the hard part, and you need rest."
He leaves, and I think about what he says but tell myself I need to stay awake.
When I turn the lights out, I leave the balcony door open. Maybe it's the rocking of the ship or the fresh ocean air, but for the first time in what feels like forever, I fall asleep while holding my Flower in my arms.
I only sleep half the night, but it's enough to make me feel human again.
Morning light is creeping into the darkness when I feel her fingers on my cheek.
I tilt my head down. Her eyes flutter, and she whispers, "Are we dead?"
I blink hard but can't help the tear that escapes. "No, Flower. We aren't dead."
"Are you a ghost?"
"No, sweetheart."
"Am I a ghost?"
"No, baby." I kiss her forehead.
She strokes my cheek and wraps her arm tight around my waist. "So tired."
"Just rest, Flower."
She drifts back to sleep. I hold her tighter, praying I can take the parts of her that are broken and figure out how to piece them back together.
30
Hunter
Breakfast gets delivered, and Vanessa stirs but doesn't open her eyes. Since our brief conversation, she's been sleeping and hasn't cried.
"Flower."
"Hmmm?"
I sit on the bed next to her and stroke her cheek. "Can you wake up and try to eat something?"
"Fry jacks," she mumbles.
"What's that?"
"Food."
"Can you open your eyes?"
"Hmmm." She licks her lips.
"Are you thirsty?"
"Mm-hmm."
I hold a bottle of water to her mouth, and she takes a sip.
"Wake up, Flower."
Her eyes flutter.
"That's it."
She sighs and turns on her side toward me. She grips my hand that is caressing her cheek. "Is it you?"
"Yes. Open your eyes."
Slowly, she opens them.
"Hi," I gently say.
She smiles, and her eyes water. "Hi."
I dip down and give her a tiny kiss. "I've missed you."
Her tears fall. "I'm not dreaming?"
"No."
"I'm not dead?"
"No."
"You're not dead?"
"No."
She sits up, embraces me, and sobs.
"Shhh." I hold her tight to me.
"How?" she cries out.
"Shhh." I lift her onto my lap. When she finishes crying, she puts both hands on my head.
"You were there then? The red hibiscuses were you?"
"Yes."
"I knew it was, but he told me the day of the wedding it was him."
"No. It was always me."
She nods, kisses me, then her hand flies to her face. "Oh God!"
"What's wrong?"
"Am-am I married to him?" She swallows hard.
"You don't remember what happened?"
"I don't remember anything after he told me he was responsible for the red hibiscuses. And then... I... I just thought you died. The only thing that kept me alive this entire time was knowing you were watching me." She breaks down again.
"Shhh. I'm here, Flower. He only told you that since he's a complete narcissist. These people, they think they're indestructible." More rage boils in my veins thinking about how he tried to destroy her with more lies. I sat in the jungle every day with traps set, ready to take down whoever Carlos sent to come after me. They never came. It soon became clear he would somehow use the hibiscuses to his advantage, yet I couldn't stop sending my Flower her messages I was there, watching and waiting to save her.