Unfortunately, it seems like he doesn’t mind. Outside the initial shock he had when I said I wanted us to be friends. For him, everything seems to have gone back to normal. He showed up at our meeting place at Freedom Park the very next day and acted exactly how he always did. My best friend. We ran in tense silence for a mile or two, but by the end of our first run together, he’d somehow managed to sweep any awkwardness away.
He was my friend, acting like nothing happened between us, exactly what I asked him to do and he’s done it every day since then when we’ve seen each other, which isn’t often now that the season is starting.
But it all shows me one thing.
Whatever happened between us in Charleston is a memory to him, possibly a fond one, but definitely not a life-changing one.
Klaus sets down my wine glass and I thank him, surreptitiously watching him as he heads to the table where he’s sitting with Sebastian and Duke.
“Okay. What is going on with you two?” Paisley, Mikah’s fiancée, asks. Their wedding is coming up in a few months during a break in their schedule, delaying their honeymoon until after the season. She’s been talking about it all night, and I don’t blame her. Originally they were going to wait until she was done with grad school. They were going to push it up, but Paisley said she really wanted to do it right, so they pushed it back again so she can focus on it. Now, with only student teaching for her last semester of school to do, they’re moving full steam ahead with the wedding planning and she’s so damn giddy about it, it’s a little bit difficult not to seethe with jealousy.
“What?” I slide my wine glass closer. Had Klaus put it any farther from me, it would have slid right off the table.
“You and Klaus. It looks like you’re fighting, but you’re still friendly. It’s weird.” Hannah’s face scrunches up. She’s hilarious. Wife to the head goalie and with two kids of her own, Hannah’s known to spout off anything and everything she thinks.
“We’re not fighting. And we are friends.”
“Friends with a whole lot of crazy, twisted, sexual tension flying around whenever you’re near each other.”
“Not even close.”
“Well, it’s something,” Paisley says and glances at him. His back is to us so I don’t know what she’s expecting to see unless she can read his mind.
Which would be nice.
I’ve spent a month regretting what I did and rethinking and wishing I would have been smarter that day a month ago. At least braver. But every time I even think of bringing it up with Klaus, letting him know I might have made a mistake, he gives me that friendly smile, keeps his hands to himself, and acts like everything is copacetic, so I don’t.
At this point, I think I need to move on and find a way to get over him. Otherwise, continuing to be his friend is going to be torture.
“I really thought you two would get together by now. It’s not like either of you are dating anyone. Why don’t you get together?” Paisley asks. “Because I agree with Hannah. The tension between you two is thick.”
“Probably about as thick as—”
“Don’t.” Paisley slaps her hand over Hannah’s mouth. “Don’t even finish that thought.”
“What? I was talking about Byron.”
“Sure you weren’t.”
I laugh. These girls are nutty. And their friends. That they’re clueless at least means Klaus hasn’t spilled our business all over the team and I’ve been around all of them long enough to know how difficult it is to keep everyone out of your business.
“Honest?” I ask them.
“Yes.”
“Of course.”
“I think I want us to be together… but I screwed up. Royally. And now I’m not sure I can fix it.”
“Sure you can,” Paisley says. Always sweet and optimistic I’m not surprised when her next words are, “Just talk to him. Tell him. You and Klaus have known each other way too long to not be able to figure things out, right?”
“I think you should just jump him. While you’re naked. I bet that’d work.”
“Hannah,” Paisley groans and rolls her eyes.
“Unfortunately, I think getting naked is what screwed it all up to begin with.” That and my cowardice.
Paisley’s advice is logical, but that means risking everything. Hannah’s advice is well… exactly something Hannah would say and not the route I’ll ever choose.
“In all seriousness,” Hannah says.
“You can be serious?” Paisley quips. “Huh. Who woulda thought?” She winks at me and nudges Hannah so hard she almost flies off her stool.
Gripping the table and flashing a quick glare at Paisley, Hannah turns to me, hair flying all over the place. “I’ve known Klaus since he was traded, which granted, isn’t that long, but Byron and I are like the old people on the team. They’re all like my younger brothers, and I know Klaus is a great guy. I also know he won’t risk losing you for anything. Talk to him, Jillian. It’s the only way.”
They’re right. I know it.
It’s too damn bad I don’t have a trip to Oz planned in my future where I can find some of that missing courage.
“Hey.” I settle my hand on Klaus’s shoulder where he’s still sitting with Sebastian. Outside of him stopping by the table and dropping off two glasses of wine when he refilled his own, we’ve barely spoken all evening. “I’m going to take off. It’s getting late.”
He looks up at me with a furrowed brow. “You okay to drive?”
“I’m good. Only had a couple glasses.”
“All right.” He pushes back his chair and I say goodbye to the rest of the guys and congratulate them on their win.
“Thanks Jillian,” Sebastian says. “We’ll see more of you this season, right?”
“Sure.” I’m not hopeful. Based on the look Klaus gives Sebastian, he’s as doubtful as me.
“I’ll walk you out.”
“Oh. That’s okay.”
“Come on.” He gives me a smile, bordering on sadness in his expression. Before I can tell him it’s not necessary, he’s already guiding me through the bar where I say goodnight to Gigi and George and two of his friends who are here almost every time we are.
Outside, I already have my keys in my hand, beeping the locks on my Camry when we get close. Klaus walks me to the door, asking, “Did you have fun tonight?”
“Hard not to with Hannah around. Did you?”
He huffs a laugh and as I’m about to open my door, he stops me by putting his hand at the top, forcing me to turn and face him.
“I didn’t really have fun,” he says, and there’s such a serious look to his expression, jaw tight, eyes rimmed with lines I can make out from the parking lot lights, it stalls my breath.
“Why not?” I ask, although I’m sure I don’t want to know why.
His lips pull to one side and then with a heaving breath, he exhales. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this, Jilly-Bean.”
His nickname for me, for the first time, doesn’t make me smile.
“Klaus—”