“Because of that.” She waved a hand in the direction of their friends. “Because I was scared that once I started crying that I wouldn’t be able to stop. Because crying about it—acknowledging it—makes it so much more real. Because I don’t want anyone to think that I’m weak. Because I don’t want you to think I’m weak,” she finished softly, letting her head drop so her forehead rested on his shoulder.
“Think you’re weak?” he echoed, dismayed she would ever think that. “Abby, look at me.”
She shook her head.
“Abs, I need you to look at me so you can see my eyes when I say this, so you know I’m not lying, not just telling you what you need to hear.” Spider waited until she reluctantly lifted her head and even more reluctantly made eye contact. “I think you are the strongest woman I have ever met. What happened to you would break most people and yet here you are making plans to rebuild your life.”
“It did break me,” she whispered. “For fourteen long months all I thought about, all I prayed for, all I waited for was someone to come, to not be alone anymore, and now that I’m back home the idea of being around people freaks me out.”
“Of course,” he said, moving a lock of wet hair that was plastered against her cheek and tucking it behind her ear. “You adapted, survived, now it’s going to take time to readjust. You’re okay in small groups so this big gathering was too much right now. We can work with that, keep things to what you’re comfortable with until you’re ready for more.”
“What if I’m never ready?”
“Then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
“We?”
“Do you honestly think I would leave you alone to deal with this?”
Doubt crept into her stunning eyes. “If you’re just here because you feel sorry for me then I’d prefer you weren’t here at all.”
Instead of answering that with words, Spider cupped the back of her head in his hand and touched his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and gentle, sweet, he wanted to infuse every drop of love for her he had in his heart into this one moment so she knew that he was here by her side for one reason and one reason only, because he loved her.
“H-hmm.”
They both looked up at the sound of the throat clearing and saw Fiona standing beside them.
“Do you guys need more time?” she asked.
“I thought that since you and Fiona went through something a little similar, if she was willing, it might help you to talk to her,” he explained.
“I couldn’t ask her to do that,” Abigail protested.
“It’s okay, I want to,” Fiona said, dropping down beside them.
“You want me to go?” Spider asked Abigail.
“No,” she said, grabbing onto a fistful of his wet t-shirt.
“I’m sorry for freaking out,” Abigail said to Fiona, the first hint of color returning to her face as her cheeks heated.
“You don’t need to be sorry about that. Trust me.”
Abigail straightened a little. “You freaked out after you came back home?”
“Oh yeah, big time. Way worse than running away and trying to swim out into the middle of nowhere,” Fiona said. “It’s hard to come back home after months of your life spent as someone’s prisoner and then assimilate back into the real world.”
“I thought I could do it, I tried,” Abigail said softly.
“But you can’t. I tried too, it doesn’t work. I ended up freaking out and thinking that the men who had kidnapped me had found me that they were trying to get to me again. I ran off, tried to hide, I was so terrified, it was like one part of my brain knew it wasn’t real but the other part was utterly petrified that it was and that those men were going to find me and take me back. Thankfully, Tex was able to find me and keep checking in with me until Hunter could come and get me. Hunter, and my friends, were like a lifeline keeping me tethered to reality while my brain struggled to process things that it isn’t designed to have to cope with. Kind of like your brain is trying to do right now. People aren’t supposed to be kidnapped and locked away from the world with no one to talk to for over a year, your brain has no natural coping mechanism for that, all you can do is take one day at a time and let the people who love you and care about you be there for you.”
Abigail turned to look at him and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I am here for you without question because I love you, and this is where I want to be. Nothing is more important to me than you are.”
“You know what else helped?” Fiona asked.
“What?”
“Talking to someone, Dr. Hancock has been amazing.”
“Is that the doctor who’s number you gave me?” Abigail asked him. “I, uh, I never looked at the card because I didn’t intend to call. Sorry.”
“Yes, and don’t be sorry, you weren’t ready then, but maybe you are now,” he said hopefully. He knew that his love alone wasn’t enough to get Abigail through this, she needed professional help as well.
Abigail looked from him to Fiona, then past Fiona’s shoulder to where they could see their friends, then she looked back to him, her eyes meeting his directly and holding his gaze. “Yeah, I’m ready to accept that maybe I don’t have this as under control as I would like to think I do. I’ll call Dr. Hancock and make an appointment.”
“I’m so proud of you, Abby.” Spider crushed her against him, hugging her tight, there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for this woman, including admit he couldn’t handle this on his own and make her get the help she needed. “You got this, Abs.”
“What if I don’t?” her scared voice asked.
“Then I’ll hold you safe in my arms until you realize your own strength.”
Chapter 12
June 25th
8:53 A.M.
“Would you just say whatever it is you want to say? You’re making me nervous,” Abigail said as she passed Ryder her plate. He’d been quiet all morning and that was a sure sign that he had something he had to tell her, but didn’t want to tell her. Normally she would wait him out, but her nerves were already about as frayed as they could get without snapping, so she just wanted to find out how bad whatever he was afraid to tell her was.
“I don’t mean to make you nervous,” he said, setting her plate into the dishwasher then leaning against the counter and drawing her between his knees.
“Well, you are,” she told him, resting her hands on his chest.
“It’s not bad news.”
“But it’s something you think I won’t like or you would have just told me already.”
Ryder acknowledged that with a smile. “Night and the others are coming by this morning.”
“Here? Why?” A mixture of panic and embarrassment filled her. After her freak out at the beach the day before she didn’t want to see any of the SEAL guys or their families ever again let alone so soon after breaking down for all of them to see.
“Abby, no one thinks less of you because of yesterday, you know that,” Ryder said firmly.