“In case I forget to tell you later, thank you,” I say through the pain. “I couldn’t do any of this without you or daddy. You’re going to be the best grandma.”
Clutching my hand, she smiles at me and sees me through the next contraction.
A little while later the anesthesiologist comes and administers an epidural. My father returns and reveals Reina is still trying to get in touch with someone from the rehab center. As the hours tick by and my labor progresses, I start to fear we won’t be able to reach Blackie in time. In my sick mind, I think about giving up, but life doesn’t work like that. We don’t get to press pause when things don’t go according to plan. Our daughter is getting restless, and she’s determined to make her grand entrance into the world. I tell myself she’s tired of hearing my voice, that she’s ready to look me in the eye and see all the love me and her father have for her. I imagine the sound of her cry and picture kissing her fingers and counting her toes. It’s a beautiful image and somehow, I find the strength I need to continue bringing our miracle to life.
Dr. Heltzer shows up and asks my parents to step out of the room. After examining me he declares I’m ten centimeters, and it’s time for me to push. Everything moves so fast causing me to panic. My parents rejoin me, standing on either side of me as a bassinet is wheeled inside the room.
“Okay, Lace, in a few minutes, I’m going to ask you to push,” Dr. Heltzer says as he rolls between my legs. “Are we ready, Grandma and Grandpa?”
“This isn’t right,” my mom says, lifting her gaze to my dad.
“Connie now’s not the time…”
“Reina,” she murmurs. “She should be here too,” she explains, turning to one of the nurses. “Can you go downstairs and get my daughter’s stepmother?”
“What about Danny?”
“I saw Grace Pastore in the waiting room with her,” my mom reveals, before turning to my dad. “Let’s surround this baby with all the people who love her and have been waiting for her.”
She means well and while I agree, Reina, is just as much a part of this baby’s life as my mom and dad are, her words only serve as another reminder that the person who needs to be here most, doesn’t even know our daughter is about to be born.
Another contraction starts and I cry out in pain.
“Looks, like this baby, isn’t waiting for anyone,” Dr. Heltzer says. “Lacey, we’re going to push now. Mom, Dad, grab a foot.”
“Grab a foot?” my father scoffs. “There are ten thousand people in this hospital and you want me to hold her foot while she gives birth? You people are over-staffed and overpaid.”
“Jack, grab her foot!” my mother orders just as the nurse returns with Reina on her heels. My father breathes a sigh of relief and points to my foot.
“Reina, grab her foot,” he half shouts, half begs.
“I have to push,” I shout as they argue.
“Not yet,” Dr. Heltzer says.
Sweat beads at my forehead as I glare at the man between my legs. Before I can tell him to fuck off, another contraction tears through me. It’s the worst one yet and my whole face distorts with pain as I let out a shrill cry.
“For fuck’s sake, I can’t be in here,” my dad grunts.
Reina pushes him aside and quickly takes his place. He diverts his eyes to the wall behind me and takes my hand. With my dad’s hand in mine and my mother and stepmother each holding a foot, I lift my back from the bed and push for the first time. A scream tears through me and vibrates off the walls.
“Okay, stop,” Dr. Heltzer instructs.
“Oh my God! I see her head,” my mother cries as I drop my head against the bed.
“Fuck,” my father chokes, tears streaming down his cheeks as he leans down and kisses the top of my head. “You’re doing great, Lace.”
“I can’t do this,” I sob.
“Listen to me,” my father says against my ear. “You’re the strongest person I know. You can do anything.”
I shake my head.
I. Can’t. Do. This.
“Did you call the rehab?” I ask, focusing on Reina. As soon as the question leaves my lips, I silently send a prayer up to God. It’s one thing for him to miss the birth, but for him to not even know I’m in labor is even worse. All these months I’ve been picturing him by the phone, waiting for the moment he learns he’s a daddy. Sometimes, I even imagine him on the phone when she’s born. His voice is soothing as he encourages me to push.
“About that,” Reina says, looking between my father and mother. “I wasn’t going to say anything because well, he’s not here.”
“Is this really necessary, right now?” Dr. Heltzer questions, lifting an eyebrow. I glare at him.
“I will close my legs right now if you don’t shut up,” I sneer before slicing my eyes back to Reina. “What do you mean he’s not here? That’s obvious.”
Cocking her head to the side, she smiles at me as I reach for my father’s hand and fearfully wait on bated breath for her explain herself.
“Schwartz had Sunny go in front of the judge and petition to reduce his term in rehab. Lacey, the judge signed off on his release,” she cries, pausing as my mother gasps. I shake my head as I try to process what she’s saying but I’m sure I heard her wrong.
“No one was answering because Blackie isn’t a patient anymore. Schwartz picked him up a little while ago. He’s on his way home,” she whispers softly.
Fearing this is another trick manufactured by my maker, I shake my head in disbelief.
“You’re lying,” I accuse, blinking through the tears clouding my vision.
“No, I swear to you,” Reina cries, squeezing my foot. “He’s on his way home to you and this little girl.” I never knew one could simultaneously feel so much pain and joy until I hear those words come from Reina’s lips.
He’s on his way home.
He’s on his way to us.
Thank you, God.
For the miracle, I’m about to deliver and the one that will soon walk through that door.
“Wonderful,” Dr. Heltzer exclaims. “But this baby isn’t waiting. Lacey, you need to push! On three, let’s go! One…”
My mom, dad, and Reina join him and together they all count to three. I squeeze my father’s hand and I picture Blackie’s face as I bear down. It feels like my body is tearing from the inside out and all I can do is push.
“Her head is out,” Dr, Heltzer announces. “One more push!”
“C’mon, Lace,” my dad urges. “It’s almost over. She’s almost here.”
More sweat beads on my forehead as I grip his hand with all my might. Holding back another scream, I grind my teeth and give one final push. I feel her slip from me and a moment later the most beautiful sound fills my ears and the hearts of everyone in the room as my daughter gives us her voice.
It’s a sound I’ll never forget as long as I live. One that sparks both immense relief and unspeakable joy. The second my eyes look at her I know my life is complete. I felt this little girl kick inside of me, watched her grow and sacrificed my mind to bring her into this world. She is everything I wished for.