Be ready for me.
All my love,
Blackie
Chapter Sixty
Blackie
I’ve knocked on death’s door more than a man should in his lifetime and yet I’ve never been as fucking terrified as I am right now. It’s pretty ridiculous considering I’ve wished for this. Even prayed for it if you can believe that.
“You’ve got that look on your face,” Sunny comments, pointing a finger at me. “What’s wrong?”
As someone who has had everything taken from him more than once, it’s hard to let myself get excited about anything. Especially, when it comes to things like freedom and being home for my daughter’s arrival.
I was sure Schwartz was fucking with me when he handed me those blank progress reports five weeks ago. So sure, I shoved them in the bottom of a drawer and forgot about them until he called a week later asking for them.
It’s still hard to comprehend that the son of a bitch has that much pull with the courts and the main reason why I haven’t told anyone other than my counselors who are testifying in front of the judge today on my behalf. The other reason is I don’t want to give Lacey false hope. I don’t want to sell her a dream and then have circumstances beyond my control make a liar out of me.
No more promises.
Only actions.
“Dominic?”
Slicing my attention to her, I stare at her thoughtfully.
Then, there’s the other thing that’s gnawing at me. What if I’m not ready to leave? What if I go back home and fuck everything up? As much as I want to be reunited with Lacey and be there for when the baby is born, I want to be the man they need. Not the one that disappoints them. I don’t want Lacey to doubt me and more than that, I don’t want to doubt myself.
And yet there is one question burning my tongue.
“What if I relapse?” I ask her quietly, narrowing my eyes at the progress report she holds in her hand. “Do you really believe what you wrote on that piece of paper or did you do it because I forced your hand?”
Sighing, she drops the paper on the table and crosses her arms against her chest. She doesn’t answer me at first and I figure that’s because I called her on her bluff.
“You know me four months now, right?”
“Just about,” I confirm.
“Have I ever bullshitted you?”
I raise an eyebrow and shake my head.
“Not that I recall.”
“So, what would make you think I’d fudge paperwork that will be used in a court of law? I like you, Dominic. I think you’re a good person despite all those tattoos and the whole Satan worshipping thing.”
“I don’t worship--”
“Never interrupt a woman when she’s talking,” she chastises. “Especially when she’s saying something you need to hear. I think you’re the business, Dominic, but make no mistake about it, I would never lie in a court of law. It’s my job to put your best interests first and I wouldn’t sign off on something if I thought you were incapable of living your best life. We got off to a rough start but once you started taking your treatment seriously, you progressed. You now see yourself in a new light. I think it’s even safe to say you have respect for yourself and that’s the core principle of recovery. Does that mean there won’t be days where you struggle? Absolutely not, but should temptation strike, you know what to do and I’m always here for you.”
“It’s hard for me to trust myself,” I admit. “In the past, I’ve wanted to change. To be a better man for Lacey, but I always chose wrong. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to break the cycle.”
“You have already and I have no doubt you will continue to do just that,” she replies adamantly. “The last four months haven’t been a walk in the park. There have been many times when it would’ve been much easier to give into temptation than face what was going on in your life.”
I guess she has a point.
“Lacey still doesn’t know about the hearing?”
I shake my head.
“I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop and if that happens, I don’t how she’ll react. She’s been doing well on her medication. I didn’t realize how depressed she really was until she started to become excited over the baby. It’s a shame it didn’t hit her until we were in the homestretch.”
“Three more weeks,” she points out.
A smile ticks the corners of my lips as I rub my jaw.
Three more weeks and our lives will be forever changed.
It still boggles my mind that I’m going to be a dad and to a little girl no less.
“I can’t believe it,” I murmur. “Pretty soon there won’t be just looking at sonogram photos or counting down the days, wondering what she’ll look like.”
“Have you guys finally decided on a name?”
“No,” I reply with a shake of my head. I’m starting to think we should hold off until we see her. What if the name we decide on doesn’t suit her? All the tips in those baby books, you would think they’d give you a little advice on what to name your kid.
A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts and I turn around just as Schwartz strolls through the door, sans his briefcase. Have no fear, he’s still donning a designer suit, though.
“Are you people ready? Traffic is a nightmare and I don’t like to be late for court,” he says, slipping a hand into the pocket of his perfectly tailored slacks.
“Oh, good, I wasn’t sure if you’d be the one escorting us to the courthouse. Did you give any more thought to the donation we discussed?”
“Lady I’m not planting no tree,” Schwartz grunts, shaking his head. Meeting my gaze, he juts his thumb towards Sunny. “This one is special, huh?”
Looking at her, I wink.
“She sure is,” I reply before slicing my eyes back to my lawyer. “Donate a fucking tree.”
“You’re lucky I’m getting you out of here, another day and you might just turn into a bitch,” he retorts. “Now, let’s go.”
As much as I wouldn’t mind busting his balls, I don’t want to risk being late for court. Everything is riding on today.
My freedom.
My marriage.
My daughter.
My future.
Chapter Sixty-One
Lacey
“I think my water broke,” I cry, staring between my dad and Reina. Something washes over my dad’s face and in an instant, he’s charging for me, lifting me into his arms. “Dad, what are you doing?”
“What the hell does it look like I’m doing?” he replies, his voice hoarse with emotion as he drapes my arms around his neck. Glancing over his shoulder, he begins to bark orders at Reina. “Get Danny! Call the doctor! Grab the bag!”
“Jack, calm down,” Reina chastises calmly. “We’ve got this.”
There is something reassuring about that and I let her voice repeat over and over in my head because I’m not so certain, I have this. In fact, I’m pretty sure I don’t.