What in the hell was that?
I had very limited experience with sex with only one partner before Micah, and that was nothing like had I experienced with Micah. It was child’s play.
Micah had explained to me what had happened during my orgasm, and I’d never heard of such a thing even from my books.
Later, when I found out I was pregnant, I realized that was the moment when Remy was conceived.
Pulling up to the apartment, we parked, and I got Remy out quickly as I tried to soothe her. She’d cried so much she was having trouble keeping her eyes opened. Getting into the apartment and locking the door, I rocked my girl back and forth in my arms, telling her everything was fine and she was okay.
It wasn’t, but she didn’t need to know that.
The minutes passed before my girl was out like a light. We’d skipped afternoon nap to go to the clubhouse, and with the tantrum she threw in the car, it wasn’t a surprise she was out.
We made our way down the hall and into the bedroom, but I couldn’t set her down just yet. I needed to hold her, feel her, know that she was here with me and safe. The weight of her against me was the solid reminder she was with me. Until this moment when I allowed myself to breathe, I didn’t realize how much I needed to hold her. It wasn’t about the screaming and crying. My instincts screamed to soothe her, but this was more. This was the intense connection between a mother and her child.
After all the fighting we’d had to do to get us to this place in our lives, no way would this change the course of it. No way would this be something that brought us down. I wouldn’t let it.
We’d come too far to lose momentum now. She was everything to me. The only thing that mattered in my entire existence. To most people, they lived life from one goal to the next, but for me, everything I had ever done right in my life was in this little girl. I didn’t know what it was to truly live, feel, and experience until I realized I was pregnant. Her little heartbeat inside of my body. She had relied on me from the moment she was created in my womb to protect her and provide for her.
Me.
She depended on me.
I wouldn’t let her down.
Remy’s soft little noise filled the small space as I rocked her, holding her in my arms so tightly she couldn’t move. If it weren’t for the knocking on the door, I would’ve held her like this for hours, just feeling her.
Instead, I placed her softly in her crib and shut the door to the room. Once she was awake, she’d let me know in two seconds flat, but she didn’t need to hear any of what was about to go down.
Opening the door, Austyn stepped in as did Ryker.
“What the fuck are all these tears about?” Ryker grumbled, shutting the door and coming into the room. Absently, I tried to wipe my face. Austyn came up and wrapped her arms around me. It felt good to have a bit of comfort. I really needed her strength. They wouldn’t allow anything to happen to Remy or myself. That I knew as fact because of everything they’d done for us to this day.
Austyn pulled away and swiped at my cheeks. As much as I tried to stop the barrage of tears, they kept coming. She was hard as nails but possessed this soft heart for the ones she cared about. She was a lot like her mother in that way. They were both hard nuts to crack, but once you did, you were in for life.
Walking over and grabbing tissues, I swiped everything from my face and blew my nose, trying to suck in some deep breaths. Answers. I needed answers. “Why was Micah at the clubhouse?”
This question shocked both of them. Austyn’s mouth fell for a moment, while Ryker’s eyes turned cold, causing a chill to run up my spine. Please, God, don’t tell me that Micah is a psycho killer.
“How do you know Micah?” Ryker asked, rather than giving me my answers. Stepping forward and crossing his arms over his chest, he waited. It was in that domineering way that demanded one pay attention.
Ryker scared a lot of people. It was his intentions to provoke fear in others in his size and dark scowl alone. But Remy and I, he’d never hurt us. He’d proven that to us, but it didn’t mean he didn’t put a slight twinge of fear in the back of my head just from his stance.
Letting out a huff of air, I started, “I met him in a bar when I lived back home.”
Ryker’s brow lifted, still looking for more answers from me, and my eyes rolled as I thought back.
“It was almost three years ago. I’d snuck out of the house and met my friend Ari. Micah and I saw each other.” God, Ari, I hadn’t seen her since Katie and I left. Part of me missed her. Part of me missed other things from my previous life as well, but they weren’t to be dwelled on. That part needed to be gone. Dead and buried.
“And?” Ryker questioned, his eyes moving to slits.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “He knows me as Cyrus. We spent a night together, and I hadn't seen him again until tonight. I don’t even know his last name.”
“Tugger. His last name is Tugger,” Austyn said almost reverently, like the wheels in her head were still chugging. When her eyes lit, she knew without me having to say another word. “He’s Remy’s dad.”
Slowly my head shook, just as Ryker let out a “Fuck me,” while running his hands over his face and through his hair. Everything in the room seemed to amplify now that the secret was out.
“How do you know him? Why was he there?” I let the questions tumble from my lips. It wasn’t the time to ask about the beat-up face, but that would come soon enough. There had to be a reason this man just showed up out of nowhere and at a place where Remy and I were. It was too big of a coincidence. Shit like that didn’t just happen.
Being on edge since we left home, I always watched my surroundings. Always locked my doors. For this to happen wasn’t normal.
“Micah is Tug and Blaze’s kid. He just returned from the Marines a few weeks ago and moved back home,” Austyn announced.
Hand in the front of my hair, I stilled. Micah was part of the Ravage MC? His dad was Tug? No way. “You’re shitting me.”
“Afraid not. Another reason for me to beat the shit out of him again,” Ryker said, stunning me. While I knew Ryker was strong, I’d never seen him beat the shit, as he called it, out of anyone. I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that. One part of me was warmed to the core to have him care so much that he would protect me from harm. On the other hand, I didn’t want Micah beat up, did I?
Ever since I ‘d reached out to Ryker for help, he’d been like a big brother to me, always there and helping me any way he could. We needed it badly in the beginning, and there was no way to ever repay him for his kindness.
My body shook as Sibyl and I made our way into the gas station. My older sister and I were haggard looking and only had a black garbage bag each. It was pitiful to only possess enough that one bag would hold the contents of our lives. That was the life we’d led. Simple things. Simple clothes. Simple everything.
There were only two nights I’d snuck out and let loose, but one of those nights changed everything
One night where I let go of every inhibition and threw caution to the wind. A night where I ended up pregnant. We’d escaped the house, but had nowhere to go.
“Can I use the phone please?” The clerk looked at me strangely, like I’d just jumped out of a movie or something. I knew I looked bad, but how bad was a shocker.