But I’d felt it that night. That instant connection that I could never shake, even two and a half years later, and now she was here. My hometown wasn’t big, and yet she landed right here in my world. The clubhouse wasn’t a place where women just came to hang out. They always had a reason to be here.
My thoughts ran away with me on what Cyrus’ reason was. No fucking thank you.
“We met when I was on leave about two and a half or three years ago. Haven’t heard from her or seen her since.” Hell, never thought I’d see her again either. Let alone here with all the men of the club. Yeah, didn’t like that shit one bit.
The men in front of me didn’t say anything, like they were waiting for more, but I didn’t have more. We fucked one night, and that was it. Only that one night had stayed with me, and nothing had satisfied me since, but fuck if I was going to tell them that shit.
“You say two and a half years ago, huh?” Nox asked, something working behind his eyes. Something I couldn’t get a read on even though I tried.
“Yeah, why?”
There was something off here. Not just that Cyrus was here, but something to do with the time frame as well. I studied their reactions.
“No reason,” he answered too quickly. Looking at the men around us, their stoic faces weren’t giving them away; it was their eyes. Eyes were the windows to the soul. Some could hide it, like Rhys for example. Green and Nox not so much, which was surprising. Especially Nox. One would think he’d get that from his father. Or hell, his mother for that matter. Or maybe he wasn’t hiding it for a reason. Like he wanted me to know something but couldn’t tell me.
“What’s going on here? What are you not telling me?” The tension, already thick, got even worse at my words. I’d need a damn machette to cut through it, but I stood my ground.
“We don’t gotta tell you shit,” Deke growled low, which I was sure scared the little panties off of men, but I’d been through worse. So much worse, but I didn’t egg him on either. Being a dick and fighting with them wasn’t going to get me anywhere, but I needed some information here. Time to change tactics.
“True. Just wanna know how she is. Why she ran away from me in a panic.”
“That shit, she’ll tell ya, if she wants to.” Cooper added, and I knew I was getting nothing from them. They weren’t going to tell me a single thing about Cyrus. While it pissed me off, part of me understood as well.
There had to be a reason for this reaction from the brothers. It was now my job to figure out how to get in touch with her.
“You wanna tell me how to reach her?” I tried, knowing the answer.
“Nope,” Nox answered for all of them.
Before I could form another thought, we were interrupted. “Hey, pussy, stop the girl talk. There’s a cleanup in aisle five. Also known as the woman’s bathroom. Puke,” Princess said, coming up to us without even asking about the ruckus.
The men in front of me started chuckling. Puke. Great. Such was my life for a while.
Truth be told, this shit didn’t matter. Earning their respect back did.
I shrugged my shoulders, then looked at each of the men. “I’ll be asking again,” I said, turning on my boot and tamping down my frustration as I headed to the bathroom.
Yeah. I would be asking a lot of questions about Cyrus. That was for sure.
13
Ensley
“You sure you’re alright?” Benji, a co-worker who was in charge of labs, asked. I saw Benji all the time, and therefore he knew me far too well. Hell, anyone who saw me today would know something was up. There was no way to hide the thoughts blackening my life. No amount of makeup would hide the fear of what could happen with Micah. It was weighing me down like a chain around my leg. The more I pulled it to me, the more it clashed and clanged, drawing attention to me.
Silly me, I thought my days of this kind of stress, worry, and uncertainty were over. Oh how wrong I was.
Add that in with the lack of sleep, my body felt the fatigue wearing me into the ground. I didn’t sleep after Ryker and Austyn left my apartment last night. I couldn’t.
No matter what I did, there was no escaping all the racing thoughts going through my brain. The what-ifs. The plans that I could make to keep Remy and I safe. Everything just kept coming from all different angles, threatening to make me collapse.
Remy loved the members of the Ravage MC, and taking her away from that would break her heart. But what else was I supposed to do? No way in hell Micah would take my baby. No way in hell I’d allow that.
What if the Ravage MC sided with Micah, though? Remy was Micah’s daughter, Tug’s grandkid. Blood. What was to say the MC wouldn’t rally around Micah to get Remy away from me? I knew Ryker said it wouldn’t happen, but Micah was Tug’s son. He had more ties to the club than I had as Ryker’s cousin.
Yes, some of the thoughts, now that I looked back on it, were a bit irrational. Most of them were in panic mode.
There were just so many possibilities on how this could and couldn’t work out.
In this moment, I had zero answers, and today I wore that fear on my aura. Apparently, everyone could read it.
“Yeah,” I lied, which I hated doing, but I had to. While we were good colleagues, we weren’t on a know everything about me level.
I kept everything quiet. It was imperative to my family’s survival. Therefore, no one knew my business except a very select few, none of whom I worked with.
Benji tried more than once to get me to open up to him. After a year of keeping myself closed up tight, he finally backed off. I wasn’t stupid. I might not have known a lot about men, but I knew Benji liked me and wanted to ask me out.
Every sign I gave him, though, was a no go, and I had to admit when he got that message, I was elated. The come-ons were becoming way too in my face. I didn’t like it, but I was happy we were now on good terms. The last thing I needed was for him to get the wrong idea and think this was his long awaited shot. I wasn’t in the market for a man in my life, and even if I was Benji wasn’t my type.
“You need anything, anything at all, you let me know.” Benji knocked on the desk twice then went back to the lab room.
Relief filled me. It wasn’t a nice thing to feel, but I didn’t have the energy to deal with Benji or anyone at this point.
The night dragged on with patient after patient getting checked in for this or that. It was a revolving door of sickness. While I was tired, the hustle and bustle of the night left me no room to doze off. Which was good. Nothing an employer liked more than catching someone they were paying to be sleeping on the job. I needed this job, and no matter what I wouldn’t fuck it up. Keeping busy made the time tick by quickly.
The excitement of the night, if one could call it that, was a GSW, gunshot wound, to a seventeen-year-old kid. The cops were going in and out of the space, and every time I turned around there was another one.
I had nothing to hide from the cops, but I in no way had the energy to entertain a single one of them.
My life might have been a clusterfuck at the moment, but it would work itself out. I didn’t know how, but it had to. Failure wasn’t an option. No matter what I had to do, I’d make sure Remy was safe. She was my main priority, had been since I’d found out I was pregnant, and she would be until I took my last breath on this earth.