I didn’t include Ensley’s life before she came to Sumner. That was something we hadn’t discussed yet and I wanted to be on the same page with her. When we talked yesterday, she was pretty adamant in not letting people know of her past. I respected that.
“It is strange, but she’s not lying to me. She met me with eye contact and I could see her soul behind them. It’s the truth.”
“You’re not gonna get a paternity test?”
“Fuck no. She’s mine. End of discussion.”
“Damn brother. You’ve got your plate full. First with your folks, then the club, now a baby momma with a baby. Better make sure it doesn’t tip over.”
“I got this and I have to say having Remy as mine is the best thing that’s happened to me.” And it was. I hadn’t even met the kid yet, but I loved her. I would die for her. I would protect her and keep her safe. No matter the cost.
Too bad I didn’t know what that cost would come out to be. If I’d only known then…
20
Ensley
“You little stinker!” Austyn play yelled at Remy, chasing her through the kitchen and dining room of her house. They had been playing this game for the past twenty minutes, and Austyn wasn’t a bit tired. Instead, she wiggled her fingers in front of her like a magician doing a trick and chased Remy faster. Austyn would make an amazing mom one day. She took to Remy instantly and had never once tired of anything my little one wanted, whether it was walking for hours while being held as an infant or being chased or tickled as a toddler; Austyn was all-in all the time for Remy.
I was happy for the reprieve because I was about to jump out of my skin. Nerves? No, try millions of fire ants crawling over every inch of my body and times it by ten.
Today was the day. The big day when Micah would meet Remy, and I was scared out of my ever-loving mind. Sleep did not come last night. Instead, I tossed and turned and turned and tossed. It wasn’t a fear of Micah or him trying to take Remy.
No, it was the thoughts of what I’d do if they didn’t connect. If Remy hated Micah or if Micah thought bad about Remy. How I would handle it? What would I do? How would Micah’s parents feel if they didn’t connect?
It may have been irrational, but I couldn’t help it. All night the thoughts wouldn’t stop, and I never fell off into dreamland. Every tick of the clock only struck another cord on my nerves. So when I woke up this morning, I was so damn tight I could bust at the seams at any given moment.
One hour was all I had to pull my shit together so my little girl didn’t get the ‘scared as hell’ vibes off of me. Kids were weird that way, always feeling what their parents or the people around them did. If they were having a bad day, the child would understand immediately. It was like a built-in radar.
Remy would pick up on it right away, and this was too big of an event for her to feel anything but safe. I wanted that for her desperately.
Austyn grabbed Remy and threw her up into the air, Remy laughing the entire time. My little girl love, love, loved Austyn. Remy had a lot of love to give and spread it around to everyone. She had a soft spot for Austyn. Hell, so did I. The woman was a godsend.
“Ya know. He’s lucky he has an awesome kid,” Austyn said before blowing a raspberry into Remy’s neck and swinging her from side to side.
“What if they don’t like each other?”
It was crazy how my fear went from Micah taking Remy away to now them not getting along. I was seriously losing my shit. Hell, I couldn’t even believe I just asked this. She was going to think I was a nut case.
“They will. There’s a bond between a daughter and her father. Daddy’s little girl. And I have no doubt this one”—she poked Remy in the belly to Remy’s giggles—“will have him wrapped around her little finger five seconds after meeting her.”
Austyn and I didn’t have code with words like Katie and I did. It wasn’t something that Austyn did. She was straight forward and honest to a fault, and never would I ask her to change that. I just hoped Remy didn’t put two and two together. She was still young, right?
“Life is hard,” I complained, and she laughed.
“You haven’t seen anything yet, girl. Just wait.”
Fuck, if it was already like this, I needed a vacation. Maybe a sandy beach with only Remy, Katie, and me. Somewhere no one would ever find us, and we’d lay in the sun drinking margaritas.
Those were pipe dreams. No one had the money for that, especially not us.
The hour went by way too fast. So much faster than I wanted it to. It was amazing that when you wanted time to hurry up, it ticked so damn slow you’d want to scream. Then when you’d want it to slow way down, that damn thing sped up making you want to scream even louder.
“It’s time,” I told Austyn, who came up to me and wrapped her arms around me tight.
She whispered in my ear, “He does anything you don’t like, you tell me and I’ll take care of him. Not jokin’ around. I’m at your back. Anytime.”
Damn, I loved that. Loved it so much it made me want to cry. Not once since the moment her and Ryker picked us up had she ever let me down. She was the best friend a girl could have. She’d loved us unconditionally since the moment we met in that sleazy hotel.
“Thank you. We’ll be under the tree by the playground. Thought it would be good for Remy to be in a space she’s comfortable.”
“Smart woman,” Austyn said, pulling away, and she then ran up to Remy and grabbed her. “You have fun playin’, alright?”
Nervously I pulled my t-shirt down even though it hadn’t risen up. The time was here. It felt like this moment was pivotal in mine and Remy’s lives. That it would change the course of it forever, and it scared the living shit out of me.
“Essssss,” the ‘s’ came with some wonderful slobber all over Austyn’s face. She took it like a champ, though, as she sat my little girl down and swiped her arm over her face.
“Go on. It’ll be good,” she encouraged me, giving me that last bit of strength I didn’t know I needed.
“Thank you. You’re the best.”
Austyn waved her hand and teased, “Don’t I know it.”
I left her house laughing.
Hand-in-hand, Remy and I walked from Austyn’s home to the tree. I’d parked over there earlier and went to the car, opening the door and pulling out Remy’s sippy cup. “You thirsty?” She nodded, and I handed her the cup. She immediately started guzzling.
I was a big ball of knots, and my stomach wanted to throw up. This was not the time for that. I’d be mortified. Closing my eyes, I took in several deep breaths.
Calm down or Remy will know something’s up. Breathe. In and out. Out and In. You got this, Ensley. You’re strong. You’re determined. You’ve got this.
When I saw the SUV coming our way, I forgot to breathe. I mean, who needed to breathe anyway? Surely not me. Even with all the positive words I’d given myself, it didn’t stop the tremble in my hand. Luckily, it was the one Remy wasn’t holding on to.
I knelt down, getting on Remy’s level, and pointed to the SUV. “Remy. That’s mommy’s friend, Micah. He came to see you and play with us today.”