I looked to my watch seeing the time. “Shit. I have to get home. Katie has to go to work. She took a late shift since I had the day off.”
“When can I meet Remy?”
My heart thumped hard in my chest and hesitation hit me. Him talking about seeing her and actually doing it were two different things. But it had to happen no matter how much it worried me. She could not get hurt in all of this. “I’m off on Friday. Can we meet up then? Maybe here?”
“We’ll make this work Ensley.” He said and I felt like he was telling the truth. As scary as all this was we would make it through.
We hopped off the picnic table and he walked me to my car. “Yeah, we will.”
This was going to be a challenge because being with him, those old feelings rose from that night together. I had to squash them down and lock them up tight. Us being together was only because of Remy and I needed to keep that on the front burner in my mind. This was Remy’s dad. Nothing more. Nothing less. Now, if I could just tell my brain and body that.
18
Ensley
“So tell me all about it!” Katie excitedly yelled as Remy ran to me clutching onto my leg as I bent down and picked her up into my arms. While Micah and my time together was good, I was happy to be home. Even as overwhelmed and scared as I felt about everything circling around me, Remy always made everything better.
“It went alright. He’s really easy to talk to.” I replied, giving Remy a big hug letting her wrap herself around me and soaking in her baby scent.
“And he’s not into the whole taking away thing.” She said in code so Remy wouldn’t understand. It was one good thing at this age, they didn’t know yet when shit was about to hit the fan. Those days would be greatly missed when she could spell and or understand our codes.
“No. He just wants to be part of her life and that’s good. She’ll love that.”
Remy’s hands came to either side of my face grabbing my attention. As soon as I looked at her she smacked me with a kiss and said, “Mama!” with a bright smile causing me to giggle.
“Hey baby. Did you have a good time with Auntie Katie?”
She bobbed her little head. “Cookies!”
“We frosted some, but more went on the table and in her mouth than anything. But we had fun. A mess, but fun.” Katie replied taking a seat on the couch.
I looked over to the small kitchen table and it was clean. “And had time to clean it up too. Thanks for that.” Huge relief for that. Today with Micah didn’t leave a lot of energy left. I felt wiped and drained both in uncertainty and relief if that were a plausible combination.
Katie shrugged. “All good. She had fun, that’s all that matters. So… stop delaying tell me about him.” She patted the seat next to her. I followed.
“I don’t really know a whole lot about him yet. He was a Marine, which you knew. He worked in computers and tech. He still does computers now. His family is part of the club. That’s about all.”
“Does he live with his parents or have his own place?”
I thought on that for a moment. “I don’t know. We didn’t get down to talking about him too much. We focused more on Remy.” And me.
“Well, you’d better get to know him really well with him coming into our lives Ens.”
Remy kicked her little feet and I put her down to watch her run through the apartment. I pulled the throw pillow up and hugged it. “I will. All this will take time. Can’t jump into everything at once. He knows this and said he’ll talk to his parents too. He seems to really understand where I’m coming from here.”
“Get that. Look I gotta run I’m sorry.” Katie said looking at her watch and jumping up. “Have a good night with her. Oh and sorry if she’s bouncing off the walls. Sugar and all.”
“Gee, thanks.” The crash would be harsh for my little girl. The good with the bad. She’d learn eventually.
“Not a problem.” Katie dashed off and I finally felt like I could breathe.
It wasn’t until later that night after Remy was asleep that what Katie asked me ran through my head. Tossing and turning, I was getting nowhere with sleep. Tired of fighting it, I decided something had to be done. I grabbed my phone and went to the recent list.
Tapping on Micah’s number, my fingers flew over the keypad needing to do this, but terrified all the same.
Ensley: Hey It’s Ensley. Are you around?
It only took a minute before the little bubbles showed on my screen letting me know he was typing. My stomach felt in knots, even more that when I met him today. How that was possible I did not know. My thumb started to come to my mouth, but I stopped it. It was a habit I was going to break.
Micah: Yep. What’s up?
What’s up? Every damn thing in my life seemed to be tilted at the moment. Everything was up in the air like a bunch a balls and if I didn’t juggle them just right, they’d all fall to the ground smashing this life I’d built. If I didn’t blow up before this was dealt with it would be a miracle.
Ensley: Do you live at home with your parents?
Micah: Gotta say that wasn’t the question I thought you’d ask, but no. I have my own place. Closed on it and already moved in. You can come see it anytime.
A flutter came to my belly as I typed.
Ensley: I’d like that. Do you live alone?
Micah: Normally, yeah, but my buddy Dryerson is staying with me for the time being.
Ensley: Is that a guy or a girl?
I instantly backspaced that before hitting send and retyped.
Ensley: Gotcha. I’ll let you go then.
Micah: No need. How’s Remy doing?
It totally warmed my heart that he was thinking about Remy and if she was okay.
Sitting in my bed, I snapped a picture of Remy sleeping in her crib and sent it to him.
Ensley: Sleeping like a baby.
Micah: She’s even more beautiful sleeping.
Ensley: Just wait until you have to chase her naked little butt around because she won’t put on clothes.
Micah: Know you can’t see this, but I’m seriously laughing.
Ensley: good, but it won’t be a joke once it happens.
Micah: So you’re raising a streaker?
It was my turn to laugh, but I did it quietly as not to wake up sleeping beauty.
Ensley: Not trying to, but it’s looking like it. I’m hoping it’s a phase.
Micah: As long as it’s just in your place. No one sees my little girl like that.
Taken aback by the power of what he said, I put the phone down in my lap and stared up at the ceiling. ‘His little girl.’ Wow. He probably had no idea how much those words hit me.
Remy had always been mine and only mine. Mine to take care of. Mine to cloth and bathe. Mine to comfort and soothe. Mine to love and cherish. Now, things were becoming different. This wouldn’t be like an Aunt Katie. This was a father connecting with his daughter. Coming to terms that she was someone else’s too felt different, but great at the same time.