I’m not sure I’ve ever loved anyone except my sister, but as I pull into the parking space near Ashley’s home, I realize I would do anything for that little girl. Anything. I would give up the little I have to give her a better future. Trade my life for hers in a heartbeat. Is that love? I don’t know, but I do know in a lifetime of being knocked down and scarred, none of it hurt as much as her tears when her father didn’t show tonight. I’ve become an entirely different person over this past month.
And yes, I’m starting to like that person.
I don’t knock. If Allan is at home I don’t want to give him advance notice I’m here. The home and property is still in my name so technically I’m breaking into my own trailer. I slide open the master bedroom window, shuddering at how easy it is to get into this place under Allan’s care. Ashley was manic about making sure the doors and windows were locked at all times. Now I know it’s probably because she was worried about Allan showing up unexpectedly to disrupt their lives.
The bedroom is dark, and I don’t see any sign of life. After hoisting myself through the open window, I roll onto the floor and freeze for a moment to listen. There are no sounds that indicate another person is home, and I pull out my phone to use the flashlight. I scan the room slowly, taking in every pile of clothes and mound of garbage. This room is even worse than the rest of the house I saw last time I was here.
I force away my disgust and thoroughly examine every inch of the space in search of something that looks like it could be her papers. The image he texted showed the birth certificate on a blanket, and I recognize the pattern of the one strewn over the bed. He was definitely in this room when he took that picture which means… bingo.
Perched on a stack of ratty magazines on a nightstand is a manila folder that looks promising. I rush over and grab it, my heart racing as I pull it open. Right on top is the birth certificate from the photo, and I breathe a sigh of relief. It’s intact and in good condition, exactly what I was hoping for. Beneath it, I find a photocopy of her social security card. A quick flip through the rest of the file doesn’t produce the actual card, though. Hmm, not ideal but it’s better than nothing. There must be a way to apply for a replacement card if we need one.
Next is a medical receipt from a doctor’s visit two years ago, which at least gives me a place to start in figuring out her healthcare status. Don’t kids need immunizations and stuff? I’ll have to call this place and get her in. Maybe they can help me with the insurance situation as well.
There’s a thicker stapled packet behind the bill, and my pulse quickens when I catch a glimpse of the document heading. Oh shit. Ashley had a life insurance policy? If this is legit, this could be a gamechanger for Naomi.
I scan the paragraphs of small text, not an easy task in the dark with my little flashlight. Every second I spend in this room feels like an hour but I can’t let this go. My gaze catches a name, and I almost choke when I see I’m listed as the beneficiary and custodian for Naomi, not Allan. Ashley obviously intended for me to use the money to take care of Naomi if anything happened to her. Allan would have known that, that bastard. He’s been sitting on what could be thousands of dollars for Naomi and—
“Don’t move.”
I freeze at the command coming from the open door behind me.
“Turn slowly with your hands in the air,” Allan growls.
My blood pounds as I grip the folder and do what he says, going numb at the sight of the handgun pointed at my chest. “What are you doing in my house?”
I swallow, the papers in my hand suddenly feeling like a vault of gold. Am I willing to die for this file? I don’t know. My head spins. All I know is that I can’t let him take these from me.
“Whoa, hey. Just came to check on you, Allan,” I say as evenly as possible. My voice sounds steady even though my insides are twisted chaos. “You didn’t show tonight. We waited for an hour.”
His gaze flickers to the folder in my hand.
“You think I’m an idiot? You came for the documents. Those belong to me. Hand them over.” He holds out one hand, his other still leveling the gun at me.
“They belong to Naomi, and since she’s with me, they now belong to me.” I pull in a breath, the first in several seconds. Oh god, I’m going to die tonight. Sweat breaks out over my body as I stare at the lowest form of humanity. A man who let this world break him to the point where he’s willing to break everyone around him.
He steps forward, his hand still outstretched.
“Give me the folder, Julian.”
Fear rushes to every recess of my body, coating my brain and my tongue, but still I manage to shake my head. “No. I’m not leaving without these.”
He takes another step, jerking the gun once for emphasis. “If you want to leave here at all you will give me the damn folder right now!”
I shake my head again, my legs suddenly weak, my arms trembling. Still, I use every ounce of strength I have to stay calm. I refuse to let him see my terror.
“Are you really going to shoot me, Allan? Over what? Some papers that mean nothing to you now? I saw them. I’m listed on the life insurance policy. I’m guessing I’m listed as the designated custodian on whatever the other papers in here are as well.”
His hand trembles, and I swallow the rising lump in my throat. I feel like I’m choking as I count down the seconds to my death. But just when I think the fear is about to win, a sudden resolve steels my legs for just a second longer. My spine straightens again. I stand tall as I stare him down.
“Allan, I know part of you still cares about your daughter. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have left her with me hoping she’d have a better life. You can kill me, but where does that leave you and Naomi?”
He winces, and I drag in a deep breath. Here goes nothing. This will end tonight one way or another.
“According to the state of California, I have to give all interested parties notice of my intention to apply for guardianship of Naomi. Consider this my pre-notice, Allan. You can fight me on it but know that I have a ton of resources and will fight back with everything I have. That’s how much I love her.”
I take a step forward, and he stiffens. I lower my arms enough to hold them out at my side instead, presenting my chest. “She’s being cared for by a guy who’s willing to take a bullet for her, so think long and hard about how much trouble you want to cause for a girl who’s already experienced a lifetime’s worth. How much more are you going to make her suffer?”
We stare at each other for several long seconds. A wall clock ticks loudly in the distance. The only light comes from the phone flashlight currently pointed at the floor with my hands extended out. I lower my arms to my sides. If I’m going to die, I’ll do it standing tall.
Allan cocks the gun at my adjustment, his hand trembling.
They say your life flashes before your eyes in the moment before your death. Thank god mine doesn’t as he grips the gun and I close my eyes. No, all I see is an eleven-year-old girl who uprooted my life and made it worth living, even if it was just for a short time. She gave me purpose, meaning, enriched my world to the point where I can’t imagine continuing without her.
I hold my breath, bracing for the moment of impact. Praying it won’t hurt as much as I think it will. For a brief second I consider charging him and at least trying to save my life, but that will also guarantee he fires.