“You think that girl is better off without you? Read this and tell me that girl is better off without you.”
CHAPTER 15
JULIAN
I’m still not okay when Hadley shoves a piece of paper in my face. I don’t know what the hell just happened to me, but I feel a million times lighter than I did an hour ago. Like I can breathe. Like maybe I’d be strong enough to give Naomi up if that’s what’s best for her.
“You think that girl is better off without you? Read this and tell me that girl is better off without you,” she snaps.
Hadley hovers impatiently in front of me, looking pissed for some reason. I don’t know what changed in the last ten seconds, but her arms have gone from the best hug I’ve ever had to crossed over her chest in stern protest.
I blink up at her in confusion before allowing my eyes to scan the page. Flowery handwriting flows from line to line in a pattern I immediately recognize.
Oh my god.
Song lyrics.
Naomi is writing lyrics now. Tears are already burning again when I choke on the first line.
Please stay, I need you for the better days.
What the…?! How…?
I keep reading, my stomach in knots.
Please stay, I need you for the better days
Without you, I’m not the one I’m meant to be
Imagine, half a world left missing or
Forgotten, never to reveal my place so
Please stay, I need you for a better day
Without you, it all just fades away so
Please stay, you’re the one who lights my way
Without you, it all just fades to gray
And away…
Away…
Away…
So please stay, I need you for the better days
Without you, I don’t know how to see that I am me.
I don’t know what to do with the treasure in my hands. I stare at it, reading one of the most beautiful combinations of words I’ve ever seen over and over again. That amazing girl wrote these words. About me? Oh god, what if they are? What if she isn’t just tolerating me but is actually coming to need me in her life as much as I need her in mine? What if there’s a chance in hell we can pull ourselves back up and salvage something from the shitstorm of our pasts?
“You think…” My voice trembles when I can finally bring myself to speak. “You think this is about me?” The rest comes out as a whisper, as if the words still haven’t formed into a coherent thought in my brain.
“I know it’s about you,” Hadley says softly, resuming her place beside me again. “Naomi showed it to me. I managed not to cry right then, but totally lost it once she went back to her room. She’s writing a song, Julian. She’s writing. A. Song. Because of you this is the stuff that’s coming out of her now.” She jiggles the page still gripped tightly in my hand.
I shake my head in numb silence, still in disbelief. This entire night has been too much to absorb in one sitting.
“You think you have no idea what you’re doing, when in reality you’re doing the only thing you need to do,” she continues earnestly. “Love her. Support her. Give her a stabilizing force that she can begin to trust in again. Everything else is semantics.”
I stare back at the song, still not sure what to do next. “I should go to her. Talk about this.”
Hadley nods, but grabs my wrist when I move to get up. “You should, but not right now. She just went back to her room right before you got home. She needs some space for now. Talk to her later, maybe even tomorrow.”
I sigh, settling back against the couch. I trust Hadley’s advice. She and Naomi have some girl bond I don’t understand. A shiver runs through me at the thought of not having Hadley in our lives one day.
I turn to face her, searching her face in the dim light from the kitchen. We never even turned on the lamp in the living room.
“I’m sorry about my meltdown,” I say finally. Yes, I’m embarrassed, but weirdly not as much as I thought I’d be. If you told me I’d be sobbing like a baby in front of another person, I never would have believed it. Probably would have punched you. “I don’t know what happened. It was like this avalanche fell on me all at once. I couldn’t stop it and stuff just started… happening.”
I force a dry laugh. It sounds grating and out of place. I want to brush off the breakdown, but I can’t purge what seems to have seeped into my pores and now floods my veins with cold waves that make it happen over and over again. I keep flashing back to that scene, that moment when I thought it was all going to end. Shadows and voices that came into sharp focus in the midst of the crisis, now seem jumbled in a violent cloud in my head.
She reaches over and takes my hand. “You had a gun pulled on you, Julian. A gun. Our minds and bodies aren’t supposed to handle crap like that. Lump that in with everything else you’ve been dealing with, and it’s no wonder you crashed. Anyone would have.”
I pull in a deep breath, wanting to believe her. What happened wasn’t just mental. It was physical. I completely lost control of myself, and I can’t understand why she’d even be here after witnessing a collapse like that. I stare over at her compassionate face, suddenly overcome by a new sensation. A warmth rushes in and stirs the storm inside me, calming it somehow. It’s her eyes. Her hair. Her lips. Damn, she’s beautiful.
I reach for a lock of blond waves and twist it between my fingers. But that’s not what keeps drawing me back. She’s also strong. Confident. So freaking kind. They don’t make girls like this in my world, certainly not that I’ve encountered.
Her expression changes the longer we sit in silence. The room feels so different now than the tomb it was a moment ago. It’s lighter, and I swear it’s the summer breeze coming from the woman seated in front of me.
“Thank you, Hadley,” I say firmly. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for Naomi, and me, and just being there. Even when I was acting like an ass.”
“Julian—”
I shake my head, cutting her off. “No, let me get this out. I know I’m not the best at expressing myself. I act first, think later, and explain way later, if at all. I know that, but… with you.” I pull in a deep breath and meet her gorgeous blue eyes. “You bring out something better in me. I don’t know. It’s like, maybe there really could be better days when you’re around.” I wave my hand in front of her. “You’re this weird ball of hope.”
She snorts a laugh through her watery eyes. “A weird ball of hope?!”
I grin and shrug. “What? Never been called a weird ball of hope before?”
“Has anyone?”
I think she kind of likes it when she adjusts to snuggle against me with her back to my side. I shift so I can tuck my arm around her chest and pull her close. We sit like that for a while, no need to talk, no need to force anything. We just are. Together. Alive and sharing the same moment because who knows what the next will bring.
I stare over her head at the framed picture on the wall. It was taken right before our first stadium concert when we opened for Dream Filter. All of us are grinning and posing like we’re on top of the world. We thought we were. We all felt it, like we’d just reached the summit of our lives.