“You slept with Gavin,” she emphasized, as if I didn’t know who had been between my legs last night.
“It’s not the first time,” I mumbled while I drank my juice.
That seemed to surprise them.
I wasn’t sure where Gavin and I stood, and it wasn’t like I expected anything from him, but I was addicted to the bliss that came when I was with him. It reminded me of when I was happy and not covered in a fog of darkness. Except, Gavin wasn’t my prince, and he wasn’t the light at the end of this dark tunnel. Gavin was just there. He was always just there.
After my food was done and the three of us lay in my bed with mindless chatter, I realized we were one girl short.
“Where’s Kenny?”
Delia and Audrey looked at each other, not wanting to meet my eyes. That immediately made me feel uneasy.
“What?” I asked.
“Gavin has slept with a lot of girls,” Delia said softly; still, her words echoed in me, tearing at my emotions.
“Kenny,” I said with understanding.
Audrey reached for my arm and squeezed it. “He’s never chased a girl down, and Kenny knew that. Every girl wanted to be the one to tame him.”
I wasn’t listening to what she was saying anymore. I didn’t know something that was already battered and in pieces could keep breaking.
How long after what we did on prom did they break it off? How long before Gav started to chase everything with a skirt? The guy they spoke of was one I wasn’t familiar with.
“How long ago did Gavin and Gigi break up?” My voice cracked a bit.
My world kept tilting on me because of him, and his just kept going.
“Gav was single when he arrived at school,” Delia told me.
“I need to change.” My voice dropped, coming almost detached.
Three seconds, and my life was ruined.
After Gigi left my house after prom, I always wondered if they’d worked things out. I left to get help and didn’t return to my hometown. Nick moved, and I’d stayed with my grandparents. It was mostly to help them out rather than them taking care of me, since they were old. To this day, I had yet to step foot into my old hometown. I didn’t want to see the road that killed my parents, see the lake where I almost drowned. I wanted no reminder of the mistakes in my life. Starting fresh sounded like a wonderful plan. But that’s the thing about plans—they rarely work out.
After my shower, I left the house. I couldn’t be in my room. I felt fine until this morning when the reality of what had happened finally sunk in. Instead, I went to my brother’s house. I figured I could spend the day with him, and he could feed me.
When I got to his place, I let myself in since I had a key to his home. His car was in the driveway, and since I called and he didn’t answer, I assumed he was napping. The first thing I did was go to his kitchen and look at the contents of his fridge to see what he had. He wasn’t fully stocked up, and that kind of worried me a bit. My brother had type one diabetes, so he had to take care of his health. That was one of the reasons he didn’t do sports, even though he loved the game.
Not thinking much of it, I went toward his room to wake him. Nick had always just been Nick, my protector, who had no life of his own. I never expected to have my retinas burned when I opened his door.
“Eww, gross!” I shut the door as soon as I opened it.
I did not need to see my brother on top of someone. At least they were under the covers.
“Don’t you knock?!” Nick yelled, pissed.
“I’m leaving! Bye!” I screamed.
Once I was outside his front door, I leaned against it and took a proper breath. Like a lunatic, I slid down his door, laughing hysterically.
Oh, man, I needed that. At least it kept me from thinking about my life for the moment.
Unfortunately, walking in on Nick was the highlight of my weekend. I didn’t see much of the girls, and least of all, Kenny. By the time Monday morning came, I dreaded going to class.
I dreaded it so much I was late.
I stood in front of the closed door for about two minutes before I decided to open it. I knew myself, and if I missed one class, I would be lost for the next one, and that would make me not even go to class. It was effortless for me to fall into a black hole of despair.
I opened the door slowly. I didn’t want to cause a scene. The door had closed, and I sat on the first seat I could find in the back. Once I was seated, I took a relieved breath.
“Next time, be on time,” the professor called out, and people turned to look at me.
I nodded, hating everyone’s attention on me. I sank in my seat as if that would ward off people’s eyes from me. My eyes scanned the room until I found Gavin, but he wasn’t turned toward me; he was looking at the front of the class.
I didn’t think much of it.
When class ended, I packed my things and walked out, but I did it slowly. A part of me wanted Gavin to come up to me. To tell me that what happened between us wasn’t a mistake.
I knew he was behind me; I could feel his gaze on my skin like flames kissing all over it. He didn’t approach me, though. I felt stupid for even thinking he would. He’d basically told me he hated me.
I closed my eyes tightly for thinking things could be different. I put it to the back of my mind and carried on. When the last of my Monday class ended I was tired, and not just physically, but I had to go to the library for research.
I didn’t feel like walking to my car, then driving to the library, which was stupid on my part, but honestly, I didn’t care.
Caring only makes you more broken. And I was tired of feeling that way.
When I got to the library, I was able to find solace in the one place that had groups of people being quiet. It made me feel a bit better about myself. I worked on my project, and I gave in to all my work. When they announced the library would close, I was surprised to see how much time had passed. That’s when I looked at my phone and noticed it was almost eleven o’clock.
Shit.
Fuck me.
I packed my things as quickly as possible and put them in my satchel. This was what not thinking got me, and now I had to walk all the way across campus in the freaking dark. A few students walked out with me, all of them going to the parking lot. I would be the only one walking alone in the dark.
A minute later, I was embraced by darkness while everyone else was safely in their cars. It was a little ironic how it described the way I usually felt about myself, except tonight it made me a little frightened. I felt a chill run down my spine when I heard footsteps behind me. I walked faster when the steps got heavier.
“Scar, it’s me.”
I screamed at the same time the stranger touched my arm. Yeah, not happening. I was not going down without a fight. I turned, scared out of my damn mind, and hit my attacker, but they were faster, turning me in their arms, their hands trying to stop me from fighting back by making a human straightjacket.
“Let me go, asshole,” I hissed, still thrashing.
I even threw my head back, only to meet solid chest. Call me morbid, but I seemed to attract tragedies, and me walking alone in the dark now seemed like a horrible idea.
I was so fucked.
“Scarlett, it’s me,” the voice said again, closer to my ear, and I shivered.