The days leading up to the first day of class came rather quickly. I made no effort to socialize with my roommates. The brunette who opened my door on move-in day was Kenia; she was pretty, but kind of a bitch. There was also Delia, who had pale lavender hair and some piercings, but she was sweet. Kenia glared at me and told me not to touch her shit, while Delia told me to help myself to her stuff. All three were gone a lot with cheer practice. I heard them leave in the mornings, and I tried to see if I missed my old life, but that was just it. I felt nothing. I hadn’t for a while.
“Okay, that’s it. I’ve let you mope, I’ve let you get used to us, and now I am tired of it.” Audrey barged into my room with Delia behind her and Kenia at the door.
I sat up from where I was lying on the bed, trying to remember how long I’d been staring up at the white ceiling, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember.
“I’m not moping,” I said.
“Let me guess, your boyfriend dumped you.” Kenia rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.
“Don’t be a bitch, Kenny.” Delia shot her a glare. “If that’s the case, he’s an asshole, and we should all hold hands and pray his dick shrinks a size or two.”
All three of us gave Delia a questioning look. She shrugged it off.
“Kappa Nu is having their welcome back party, and we are going.”
My eyes went wide with terror. I couldn’t go to Kappa Nu or any party in Greek row. I knew Audrey wasn’t into the whole sorority thing, but my ex-best friend was, and she would be at one, especially if this was a welcome-back party. Gigi was all about drinking and partying.
“Delia, bring your makeup kit. Kenny, grab her some clothes,” Audrey ordered.
It was no surprise she’d been cheer captain back in high school. I wouldn’t be surprised if she were captain now too, which made me a bitch for not knowing. Some friend I was, huh?
“I can’t go, Auds,” I pleaded, not telling her why I couldn’t show my face.
Audrey sat on the edge of the bed. Her golden eyes shone with nothing but kindness, and I wondered why she was still by my side when everyone else had left.
“I don’t know what happened, and you don’t have to tell me, but I’m a great listener. I don’t know if this makes a difference, but they won’t be there.”
I flinched.
Was I that obvious?
Audrey reached for my hand and held it. “I want my old friend back. The one who was fearless and didn’t care what anyone thought of her. The one who always smiled, even if her world had fallen apart.”
My heart thumped hard, and my throat constricted, making it hard to breathe. That was why I was here, right? I was here to live again. I was here to be normal.
“Okay, just this once.”
The words were barely spoken before Audrey pulled me into her room and treated me like her doll.
Two
The heavy beating of the party greeted my ears as soon as I got out of Audrey’s Mustang. The night was warm enough that I didn’t feel cold in my whoreish clothes. Well, I guess that was just me who thought I looked whoreish. There were girls with clothes far more revealing than what I was wearing.
The white crop top was okay—a little see-through—and the leather skirt was a bit too tight because I was a little thicker than Audrey. Maybe I’d slouched off a bit when I quit dance.
When we walked to the frat house, I started to panic, and I’ll admit they were the first people I thought about.
“Hey.” Auds snapped her fingers. “None of that mopey shit. Tonight, you forget about all the bullshit and have fun.”
I wanted to ask about him, but I bit my tongue. “Okay, have fun.”
It’d been years since I tasted alcohol. It wasn’t because I had a problem, but shitty things tended to happen when I got myself intoxicated.
Audrey walked next to me, looking smoking hot in a white bodycon. She said as cheer captain, she needed to show up and make a statement. So that answered my earlier question, and I was happy she had that.
There was a big black guy at the door smiling at all the girls. With some, he grabbed their hands and twirled them around. When we got to the door, his smile seemed to get bigger.
“Audrey, baby, I missed you.”
“Jeffrey, honey, I didn’t.” She gave him a smirk and patted his chest.
When his eyes cast to mine, his smile seemed to come back. “You…I don’t know, but I would very much like to, preferably tonight…in my bed.”
“Not going to happen, Jeff.” Auds pushed past him and dragged me inside the house.
It was everything I imagined a frat house to be. Run-down couches, a big TV, and people were walking around everywhere with red cups, and a few of them with bottles in their hands. My hands trembled and got sweaty. I turned back to the door, but there were more people trying to come in.
“Have you never been to a party?” Kenia asked, looking at me like I was a freak.
“I have,” I said.
“Then relax, because if you’re trying to blend in, that whole skittish vibe you have going on is making you stand out.”
I nodded at Kenia and let Audrey lead me around. She took us to the kitchen, where she greeted everyone as we passed by them.
I felt out of place, like I didn’t belong. It had been so long since I was out with friends, it felt…foreign. The curious looks I got were making me uncomfortable. All I wanted was for the night to be over and go back home.
Once we were in the kitchen, Delia started grabbing bottles and mixing drinks. When they handed me a cup, I stared at it, but I didn’t grab it.
“Oh, do you not drink?” Delia felt bad; I could hear it in her voice.
To make her feel better, I reached for the cup.
“No, it’s okay, it’s just been a while since I got drunk.” It wasn’t entirely a lie.
“Don’t worry. We got you, girl.” Delia smiled and took a sip of her drink.
I pretended to do the same, but didn’t let myself go.
You need to live, Scarlett. It’s what your parents would have wanted.
Maybe my shrink was right. Feeling confident that tonight wouldn’t be a disaster, I took a sip and almost spat it right back out.
“Oh, we got a lightweight,” a handsome guy said, coming in behind Delia. He was handsome, like an Abercrombie & Fitch model. Warm brown eyes and hair, tall with a lean body.
I smiled at him or more like grimaced.
“Ollie, this is Scarlett. Scar, Oliver.”
I waved at him, and he grinned.
We waited by the kitchen for a bit while the girls talked to their friends, and I took it all in.
I took too much in because next thing I knew, the girls were nowhere around me.
Fuck.
Audrey was long gone, and I had no idea where she left to. I was standing like a loser with a Solo cup in my hand when I got the urge to pee. Why did I agree to come to a frat party? Having had enough, I got up and started to make my way through the masses of drunk people.
I was trying to determine where the bathroom was when I saw the same guy from the door make a beeline for me. Yeah, I don’t think so. Turning around, I made my way back.
“Hey,” I asked a boy who seemed as lost as I was. He was probably a freshman.