I pushed him away, and all the rage I had inside of me exploded. Him. Us. Gigi. My parents. Every missed opportunity, everything that had landed me here, making a fool of myself.
“I trusted you!” I screamed at him.
His gray eyes looked like the sky before it stormed, full of anguish, pain, and rage.
“I trusted you!” I yelled a little more, broken this time, as I hit his chest. “I trusted you!”
I hit his chest over and over again, taking out all my frustration on him—making him hurt like I was hurting. And he just let me.
“You were my safe place,” I whispered, before I sank to the floor crying.
Gavin came down with me. “I swear, nothing happened, Scar.”
I cried, tried to get myself together, but I just felt so overwhelmed and done with it all.
Twenty-Four
Things don’t fall apart when life is perfect or even good. Things fall apart when people lie to you, when the answers aren’t the ones you seek, when tragedy sinks its way to your core and won’t let go.
Life falls apart when you least expect it—when the hope you have flees.
Life falls apart when the thought of rising again seems too heavy and your every thought is a burden.
Things fall apart when you give up.
Twenty-Five
Life was like fucking Jenga: one wrong move, and everything came crashing down. My blood froze the moment Scarlett stopped crying. I watched her wipe her tears and look at me, and fuck me, I couldn’t see the emotion in her eyes. These past few weeks, they’d lit up when I was near.
“Let me explain. Just let me explain, and after that, if you want to walk away, you can,” I said hoarsely.
She looked at me for a brief second and gave me a small nod.
“I broke up with Gigi a week before prom because I couldn’t pretend anymore. Not when it got to the point that you two weren’t friends anymore. We were all coming to college together, and I was thinking of giving you the summer…” I stopped because that had never worked out how I had planned.
She laughed without humor, holding on to her head. I couldn’t bring myself to say the next part because it was going to kill her, and that was going to kill me.
“When I saw you were drowning, I couldn’t stay away, Scar. I made love to you that night. For the first time, I knew what it felt like for you to be mine. In the morning, you left, and I was going to chase after you…but I had missed calls from Gigi.” I ran my hands through my hair, hoping like hell that after I told her the truth, she stayed. “She wasn’t feeling well. She kept texting me, and I went to check on her… She was pregnant.”
“Oh God.” Scar put a hand to her mouth and let out a sob. “What happened?”
“A couple of days later, she lost the baby,” I whispered, full of pain. Gigi and I were lots of things, but that was my kid too. “This changes nothing between us, Scar.”
“This change everything, Gav. We were two halves that were never meant to fit. We did that to Gigi. I did that!” She was heaving, and it was breaking me. “She told me you guys were going to work it out, and I messed it all up!”
“No, you didn’t. I did—I fucked it all up. God, Scar. She’s been guilt-tripping me this whole time. Every time she loses it over the baby, I go running because it’s my fuckup, not yours. God, Scar, I lost a kid too, and it fucking hurts, but I can’t ever put it behind me because Gigi opens that fucking wound every chance she gets. This is my mistake, never yours. You need to know I would have never got back together with her. I swear, Scar, nothing happened. Gigi was a fucking mess last night. She spilled water all over my shirt, and I took it off so it could dry, and in the meantime, I was trying to stop her from doing something stupid. I was so tired I fell asleep in the living room. She must’ve taken a picture while I was sleeping.”
Scar got up, gathering her clothes.
I watched her put her jeans and shoes on, trying to remember the way she looked in my clothes and my room.
“You’re just going to do this to us again?” I looked down at her, hoping like hell she’d prove me wrong.
“We are not good together, Gav,” she said in a monotone voice.
“Fuck that!” I seethed. “You were everything I always wanted, Scar. I loved you since we were kids. I loved you since before we kissed—before we had sex. That love was pure; it still fucking is. So walk out that door, but know you are taking a piece of me with you.” I got close to her and bent my head to the crook of her neck. “And as much as you don’t want to admit it, you’re leaving a piece with me. I could lose the game, Scar, and I would be okay if I had you by my side. But if I lose you, the game won’t mean shit. So leave. Run away like you always do.” I stepped back, glaring at her when I was mad at myself.
She didn’t look at me as she walked away, wearing my jersey and breaking my heart.
“Fuck!” I yelled after she had left, punching my fist through the drywall. Immediately, footsteps started to echo through the stairs.
“What the hell!” Ollie yelled, looking at the hole.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Quincy screamed at me, looking at my bloodied hand. “Can you move it?”
I made a fist, and it was just a superficial sting, nothing deeper.
“Get yourself together, Dunn. Homecoming is around the corner. You can’t fuck this up.” Quincy’s gaze met mine, and he patted my cheek. “The road to victory ain’t easy. Take care of your hand, then figure out a way to get your girl.”
I gave him a nod.
Once the guys left, I lay in my bed, tired from last night’s bullshit, and the first thing I noticed was her smell. I inhaled it, letting it clear my head. Fucking Gigi was going to pay. She’d been blowing up my phone, and I’d assumed it was more of her guilt-tripping. Then when she said she couldn’t take it anymore, the pain, I got scared she would do something stupid.
I felt responsible for her losing our baby. I should have ended things a long time ago, but I was an idiot. Hell, I shouldn’t have touched Gigi, but I was dumb and horny, and she was there. She was always there, and Scar, she always ran. And because she was it for me, I was going to chase.
I napped, then showered, and after I needed to make things clear because I was done with letting my bad choices ruin my life. Scarlett had left my car keys on the nightstand, but when I came outside the house, my car was nowhere in sight.
A part of me felt excited because it gave me an excuse to talk to her. Before I could call, Isaac was running out to where I was standing.
“She said to tell you that your car is at the movies.”
I closed my eyes, feeling like the biggest idiot for leaving her stranded. Fuck, in running to Gigi, I’d forgotten about everything else. My knees almost buckled, but I pulled myself together.
“Take me to get my car,” I told the pledge.
Once in my Camaro, I went back to Gigi’s place, pissed as hell, but finally with enough of a clear mind to be done with this sick game I kept getting roped into.
Gigi opened the door for me, looking at me all sweet and innocent. She probably thought she’d won.