Ben offers me his hand when Rowan lets go, helping to pull me to my feet. I swear his eyes look glassy for a split-second, but it could be my overactive imagination at work again.
“I want to show you my picture. I drawed the universe.” Rowan tugs on Ben’s hand, and I smile, nodding my consent. They wander off, and I put on my boots, needing some fresh air. My head is a little sore after all the champagne last night, and I could use a cold breeze to blast the cobwebs from my skull.
“Are we heading out?” Alesso asks, grabbing his coat from the coatrack in the hall.
“I need a walk.” It’s well into October, and it’s decidedly chilly, so I button up my coat and wrap my scarf around my neck.
Alesso disappears, to update Ben, no doubt, returning a minute later. “Come on.”
We step outside and walk toward the park in amicable silence, at first. The park is deserted this early on a Sunday morning, and I welcome the peace and serenity as we walk the most popular trail through the woods.
“I’m sorry I interrupted last night,” Alesso says, pushing some stray branches aside for me.
“It’s fine. It was most likely for the best.”
“Ben would probably kill me if he heard me say this, but he has feelings for you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching, and Leo said everyone saw it in Vegas.”
I’m pretty sure Vegas was just lust for Ben. I laugh. “Vegas meant nothing to him, Alesso. He couldn’t wait to get rid of me the next day.” Although, it’s probably come to mean more to him retrospectively if his commitment to spending time with Rowan is any indication.
“He deliberately pushed you away, Sierra.” Alesso shoves his hands in his pockets as a gust of wind slams into us. “He doesn’t get attached on purpose, but it’s more than that. He hasn’t been interested in any woman the way I see he is interested in you. He has never let any female get close to him. You are the only exception, and I think you scare him a lot. It’s dangerous for men in his position to care about others, and he’s paranoid about keeping you both safe.”
“I get that, and his fear is palpable. I don’t know much about the way your world works, and I’m not sure I ever want to know, but I know enough. It’s dangerous. Being associated with him is dangerous, but it’s not like we can change the situation. Rowan is his flesh and blood, and I could never keep him away from his son. Not now I see how they are with one another.”
“It’s beautiful,” Alesso agrees as we step out of the forest onto the path at the back of the park. “You and Rowan are changing him, and he might not see it, but he needs that.” Alesso gently takes my arm, and his features soften. “I think you do too.” He smiles. “I see the way you look at him as well, and I’m rooting for you guys.”
I gulp over the messy ball of emotion clogging my throat, but I don’t respond because I’m not sure how to.
“Don’t give up on him,” he adds, letting go of my arm. “I know he’s an ass at the best of times, but be patient. He’s a good man.”
“You seem so sure of that, yet I’ve seen him angry at you a lot.”
Alesso grins as we stroll side by side around the far side of the park. “That’s only because he’s struggling to control his emotions around you, and he’s jealous.” He narrows his eyes, pinning me with a chastising look. “You were a brat last night. You deliberately goaded him.”
I hold my head up, meeting his gaze with one of my own. “I refuse to apologize. He deserved it for bringing that woman on purpose to piss me off.”
Alesso chuckles. “I admire a woman who fights back, but next time, find someone else to use against him. I know Ben is a good man, but he’s a dangerous man too, and we can only push him so far. His loyalty to me has been tested a few times in recent months, and I’d rather not push him to the edge. I value breathing.”
I can’t tell if he’s joking or serious, and I decide to change the topic because I don’t want to discuss that side of Ben. Plus, Alesso isn’t often talkative, and I want to take advantage of his present openness. “How did you end up in this life anyway?”
He grimaces. “It’s not a pleasant story.”
“It won’t make me think any less of you,” I say, sensing that might hold him back.
He shakes his head. “I know that. I just meant…ah, I suppose it doesn’t matter.” He wets his lips before he starts explaining. “I didn’t have the best childhood. My mom was a junkie who sold her body for drug money. I never knew my dad. I don’t know if my mom even knew who he was. A john, most likely. Or maybe it was her disgusting pimp.” He shrugs, like it’s no biggie, but his body betrays him. His shoulders are stiff, his muscles tense, jaw locked. Telling me this is hard for him, and I’m guessing he doesn’t share his story often. That he trusts me means a lot. I briefly squeeze his hand in reassurance, urging him to continue.
“Mom was washed out by the time I was fifteen,” he continues, as we head toward the entrance to the park. “And that’s when she came up with the bright idea to pimp me out. I took off the night two johns showed up looking for a good time with me. I fought the bastards, trashed the place, and left. I never went back.” His chest heaves, and he averts his eyes, grappling with inner demons I can’t see.
I wait him out, realizing again how fortunate I was to grow up with a mom who loved me and in a rich family where everything I needed was given to me. Except for my father’s love, but it seems almost petty to feel neglected when there are people like Ben and Alesso who grew up with so little. Father may not have wanted me, but he provided for me.
“I lived on the streets for a while, barely existing.” His Adam’s apple jumps in his throat, and he looks dead ahead as he speaks. “Then I got into street fighting, and I found a way to use all the pent-up anger and frustration inside me for something positive. I made a name for myself. Got enough money to get a crappy studio, but I didn’t care. I had a roof over my head and food in my belly and a reason to live. One night, a bunch of jealous idiots jumped me in an alley after a fight. I fought them, but there were six of them and only one of me, and I was beat after my match. I didn’t realize Ben was there, and he saw the whole thing. His men killed the guys, and he took me to his place. Fixed me up with a doctor. Forced me to stay in bed and heal.”
We walk out through the gates as a couple I know approaches. We greet them before letting them pass. I’m sure my neighbors are wondering what’s going on with all the strange men coming and going from my house, but they are too polite to inquire.
“What happened next?” I ask, glancing at Alesso.
“Ben talked to me. He told me his story and how he saw a lot of himself in me. He gave me a choice. Explained about la famiglia and the life of a soldier. He asked me if I wanted to be initiated and trained, and I didn’t have to think long before accepting.”
“And you clearly have some Italian blood flowing in your veins,” I say, in a nod to his name. “Which must have helped.” The mafia research I uncovered on the web suggested you have to be of Italian descent to be initiated.