27
BEN
“I want to talk to her,” Natalia says, bluntly changing the subject, as she gestures in Sierra’s direction.
“Absolutely not.” I don’t trust Natalia not to say something she shouldn’t to Sierra. She is giddy over the prospect of a sister-in-law, and she can’t wait to meet Rowan. The old man is eagerly anticipating meeting his grandson too, and I will have to arrange a visit soon. Angelo’s days are numbered, and I don’t want to deprive him of the opportunity to meet Rowan. I will need to start pushing Sierra to make our engagement official, to agree on a time to tell Rowan the truth, and then they will move into my Greenwich property. I don’t care how much she fights me over it. It’s happening, whether she approves or not.
I glance at the couple still dancing beside us, scowling as I watch Alessandro twirl Sierra around the floor. Her head is thrown back, her cheeks are flushed, her eyes excited, and she’s laughing like she’s having the time of her life.
“You don’t control me, Benny,” Natalia says, sliding out of my arms and making a beeline for Sierra.
I curse under my breath.
What is it with the women in my life?
None of them listen to a damn word I say.
I walk after her, glaring at Alessandro as I approach. Natalia has projected herself in between the couple, and her arm is extended toward Sierra. “I’m Natalia. Ben’s sister. But please don’t hold that against me.” She grins, and I work hard to mask my irritation.
“Commiserations,” Sierra says. “I don’t know how you put up with his grumpy ass.”
Natalia laughs. “It’s challenging, but don’t let this hard exterior fool you.” She grabs me, snuggling into my side. “He’s quite the softie underneath.”
“Nat!” I snap. Good God. I think every woman in this room has been sent to test me tonight. I drag a hand through my hair, desperately needing a drink.
“I once thought the same thing,” Sierra says. A nostalgic expression splays across her face, matching her whimsical tone. “But that man doesn’t exist anymore,” she softly adds. “At least not for me.”
Natalia slaps my arm, scowling at me. “Bennett! What have you done to this girl?”
“Nothing she hasn’t enjoyed.” I flash my trademark smirk as I recall the time in Sierra’s bedroom. She has ignored me ever since, which has equally annoyed and pleased me. Sierra keeping her distance is a good thing, especially considering I have repeated that morning, on her bed, in my mind, on a continuous loop in the intervening weeks.
Sierra is dangerous for my sanity.
She has infected my brain and infiltrated my body and every day is a battle to stay away from her.
“Said the sadist to his latest victim,” Sierra scoffs.
Natalia bursts out laughing. “I already love her.” She darts in, wrapping Sierra in a hug, whispering something in her ear. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Chantel heading this way, just as Gino arrives to claim his wife. He doesn’t know anything about Sierra or Rowan—Nat gave me her word she would keep it a secret, and I trust her—and he’s frowning at the two women hugging.
“Dance with Chantel,” I hiss at Alessandro, moving in front of Sierra as Gino wraps his arm around his wife, spinning her away.
“I’m not dancing with you,” Sierra pouts, stepping back.
“Don’t make a scene.” I place my hands on her hips, reeling her in to my body. “I don’t think your father would appreciate it.”
“My father is an asshole.” She sets her hands lightly on my shoulders. “But you’re an even bigger one.”
A laugh rips from my mouth before I can stop it. “I got the memo, Firefly. You don’t need to remind me every chance you get.”
“I do when you choose to parade your fuck buddies in front of my face.” Her pretty mouth twists into a scowl as she watches Alessandro steer Chantel over to the other side of the dance floor. Chantel is drunk, swaying a little unsteadily on her feet while shooting daggers in my direction.
Ah, so Chantel has gotten to her. I frown as another thought pops in my head, my mind occupied with self-doubt for a split-second. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want Alesso anywhere near Chantel.
“If you want me to stop saying it, maybe try not being an asshole for five seconds,” she says, moving her hips in time to the music.
“Your father has made being an asshole a career choice, so why shouldn’t I?”
“You seriously want to emulate that man?” She arches a brow, and I instinctively pull her closer. “I don’t remember him being impressed with you or in any way pleasant to you, and now you want to be just like him?”
“I never said that.” I twirl her around, admiring the view. Her dress fans out around her as she spins, her body swaying elegantly, like a dancer on top of a music box. “But sometimes being an asshole is the only way to achieve certain results.”
I spin her back around and she collapses against my chest. Instead of pushing her away, like I know I should, my arms tighten around her lower back, and I hold her close. Her delicate floral scent wraps around me, and I wish I could steal her away. Someplace where it’s only the two of us and no interruptions. The things I want to do to her should be outlawed.
She peers up at me, shielding nothing, and my heart pounds at the naked vulnerability on display. God, she is so beautiful it makes my heart ache. “Is there any of the old Ben left in here?” she whispers, sliding her hand up my chest, resting it on my heart. Unlike when Natalia did it, my heart speeds up, beating furiously against the wall of my chest, almost as if it recognizes her touch and is straining toward it.
“That man is gone,” I tell her, and I’m grateful for the reminder. I can’t be the Ben of her memories. Not if I want to keep her and our son safe. Removing her hands, I take a step back though it kills me to put distance between us. “And you should know better than to waste your time on childish hopes.”
I expect her to lash out, but she hasn’t shaken the mantle of vulnerability yet. The fact she is being so honest with me now only adds to my guilt. She shakes her head, visibly gulping. “You’re right, I should.” Her face drops, and I hate I’m the cause of her misery, even if I know it has to be this way. “It’s not like I ever meant anything to you. Even now, you only tolerate me because of who I am to Rowan.”
She couldn’t be more wrong, but I don’t correct her. I say nothing, hiding my feelings behind my usual mask. Over her head, I spot Accardi motioning for me. He’s wearing his serious expression, which means something must have happened. “If you’ll excuse me. I’m needed elsewhere.” I turn to walk away but stop, glancing over my shoulder. She’s hurting, and it’s my fault. I want to give her at least one truth. “You are breathtaking tonight. You steal all the air from my lungs every time I look at you.”
I don’t wait for a reply or to see her expression, walking off before I do something idiotic like profess undying love. Instead, I leave her standing there, looking hurt and confused.
I find Alessandro before I join the other dons. He is struggling to hold Chantel upright, and her eyes are barely open. She is more drunk than I thought, and I’m disgusted. I would never have brought her here if I realized she no longer knew how to conduct herself in polite society. She’s a disgrace and an embarrassment. I need her gone.