“I love you too,” I tell him, closing my eyes and pressing my nose into his hair. “I love you so much.”
Mommy too.
I want to say that out loud, because I was interrupted before I got to tell Sierra, but now isn’t the right moment. This is about Rowan, and Sierra understands. She moves closer, snuggling against Rowan’s back as he snuggles into my chest. I place my arm around them, and I fall asleep feeling more content than I have ever felt in my life.
36
SIERRA
“Oh my God, Ben. This place is magnificent,” I say, poking my head out the window of the SUV as Leo drives us along the sweeping driveway leading to Ben’s exquisite Connecticut estate. Majestic trees line the wide smooth driveway as we advance, and the massive gardens are well-maintained with an abundance of shrubs and flowerbeds, but there are no colorful displays this time of year. The air is biting as it flows through the window, but I welcome the stinging freshness as it zings across my face. It makes me feel alive, and there is a lot to be said for that today.
The driveway seems to go on forever until gradually an expansive two-story property comes into view up ahead. It’s on a circular plot within the sprawling estate, with various entrances. A line of tall trees forms a border around the house, granting privacy, while the vast use of glass offers plenty of light, I’m guessing. I thought my parents’ lavish mansion was excessive, but this modern build puts their traditional three-story property to shame.
Ben confirmed his main home is on a five-acre site in an area known as The Golden Triangle in Greenwich, Connecticut. Lots of wealthy people have homes here and many are regular commuters to the city. The property is surrounded on all sides by a large whitewashed wall, and I spied several cameras mounted above the barbed wire fencing on top. The humongous wooden gates are only accessible via a code, and several armed guards man the entryway. A separate house near the front of the property houses a full security team. Ben explained they patrol the grounds twenty-four-seven, and no one can get in or out without their approval.
It’s clear Ben takes security very seriously, and I can’t deny the sense of relief I felt driving through the gates a couple of minutes ago.
It took just under an hour to drive here from New York, and Rowan was as excited as I’ve ever seen him. He has accepted the news about Ben better than I expected. If he was older, I assume he would have lots of questions. But he seems happy with the news—thrilled even—and he has fully embraced it, readily calling Ben Daddy this morning at breakfast in front of Leo and Alesso with no qualms. The guys were delighted for Ben, I could tell. Ben seems to be in a permanent state of shock, but he looks happier, more rested, and less stressed than I’ve seen him in recent weeks.
The events of yesterday seem almost like a dream to me now; however, the threat is all too real. And I haven’t forgotten Ben promised to give me answers either. I will get us settled in our new home, and when Rowan is asleep tonight, I’ll be cornering his daddy and asking my questions.
Something changed in our relationship last night. Like some invisible wall came crashing down, and I trust him to tell me the truth. I think he was going to tell me he loved me, or maybe I’m reading too much into things. Although he did tell me our night together was special to him too and that he’s also had a hard time forgetting about me. His admission did funny things to my insides. Hope is no longer a fickle beast. He’s a confident larger-than-life presence, waiting expectantly in the wings for things to develop.
My head and my heart are a mess, and the only thing I know with certainty is that I want to be here. Ben makes me feel safe. Being away from Chicago makes me feel safe. And I need that now more than anything—even if it means everything is changing.
“Look, Mommy!” Rowan screams, almost leaping out the window as he points at an enclosed playground on the vast lawn to our right. My eyes pop wide as I skim over the various slides, swings, and climbing frames, large tree house, and the miniature obstacle course.
“I took the liberty of installing it when I first found out about Rowan,” Ben explains, noticing my expression. “This house is my safe haven, so I don’t go out in the town or socialize with any of my neighbors. My staff does the shopping, and they have all signed NDAs. No one knows I live here, and I intend to keep it that way.”
“Daddy! Daddy!” Rowan throws himself into Ben’s arms. “I want to play in the tree house!”
Ben chuckles, ruffling his hair. “You need to see your new room first, and I have some other things to show you as well. But we’ll visit the playground later.”
I’m only half-listening to their conversation, mulling over his previous words. “That means we can’t leave either, I assume?”
“It’s not safe.”
I look out the window, my excitement dimming a little. The surroundings might be beautiful, but it’s still a prison.
“Hey.” Ben touches my arm. “I know it will be hard for you, but I have tried to ensure you have everything you need so you don’t feel too isolated.”
“What about Rowan’s schooling?”
“When things have quieted down, we can consider enrolling him in the local private school. Until then, I thought we could hire a tutor?”
I’m not comfortable at the idea of Rowan spending an extended period of time cooped up here without kids his own age to play with, but this is about safety first, so I nod.
“Natalia is lining up some options. I asked her to show you the applicants, and I can organize interviews with those you deem suitable?”
“Natalia is here?” I’m pretty sure Ben said she lived in the city with her husband and stepsons.
He nods. “I called her yesterday and asked her to help get things set up for you. I want you both to be as comfortable as possible.”
Warmth spreads across my chest at his thoughtfulness. He is trying so hard, and I appreciate it so much. I lean in and press a kiss to his cheek, trying not to be obvious when I inhale the familiar delicious spicy scent of his cologne. “Thank you.”
Leo swings the car around to the front of the house, parking to the side of an ornate water feature. A few steps lead up to a large paved area in front of the main entrance. Natalia and an elderly man in a wheelchair wait in the doorway. “Is that your father?” I whisper in Ben’s ear as Alesso opens the back door, lifting Rowan out.
“That is Angelo Mazzone,” Ben confirms.
Nerves fire at me from all angles, and I smooth a hand over my silk blouse, trying to rub out the wrinkles. “If I’d known I was meeting your father, I would have made more of an effort.” I’m wearing skinny jeans with ballet flats, a silk blouse, and a cashmere cardigan.
“He won’t even notice what you’re wearing when he gets a look at your stunning face.” Ben squeezes my hand. “Besides, you look beautiful no matter what you wear.” He rubs the back of his neck, looking a tad anxious. “I, ah, should have mentioned he lives here.”
I arch a brow because that’s the first I’m hearing about it. Ben has been notoriously quiet on the subject of his dad. “He’s sick. Dying. He has stage-four lung cancer.”