But the alternative terrifies me.
All these reasons for not being with him don’t change the fact that I am completely in love with him. I am head over heels for him and Celeste. I don’t know how to have a life outside of them. I don’t want that life. But it’s all so complicated now. It was easy before—we were in love, we were happy. But now that Lilly is here, I know she will cause nothing but problems. Put us through pure hell, and I worry what that will do to us.
Once the doctor leaves, after telling us things are progressing perfectly, I go back to my spot before grabbing Aviva some ice chips to feed her. She opens her mouth and smiles a thanks as she chews and sucks on the ice. “I don’t know how you chew ice. Makes my teeth hurt,” I say, trying anything to distract her.
She laughs lightly. “I love it, and I’m currently imagining that it’s a big juicy cheeseburger.”
Nico smiles at her. “I got you after this. I’ll buy you all the cheeseburgers.”
“That’s why I’m marrying you.”
They share an adoring look, and I love it. I love them. I wanted so much to have what they have, and I found it. Maybe even something better. “When is this wedding of Nico and Aviva?”
He leans in, kissing her jaw before she looks over at me. “We’re thinking New Year’s Day.”
“Wow,” I say, grinning at her. “That will be fun.”
“Yeah, we’ll see,” she says, letting out a long breath, and then she cringes. Nico and I have become a little team, and together we help Aviva get through this contraction. I’m super thankful that I went to some of her birthing classes. Otherwise, I would be lost. As the pain subsides, she exhales hard and says, “The baby will be okay.”
“It’s fine,” I promise, and Nico nods.
“They’ll be perfect.”
She nods, but I don’t think she’s convinced. She seems so scared, so unsure. I can’t imagine what she is thinking. I’m scared for her, and it isn’t even my body going through all this. It’s not my child. Because if it were, I would be just as much of a mess as Aviva is. But she’s so strong, and that makes me stay positive.
But then she looks at me, her knowing eyes burning into mine. “What’s going on? You’ve been quiet and weird since you got here.”
“What? I have not.”
“You have,” she accuses, holding my gaze. “Tell me. Distract me, please.” I hold her gaze, and she gives me a very stern look. “I can tell something is up. Please. I got like three minutes before another one hits. Come on, spill.”
I glance at Nico, and he’s watching me. I feel a little on the spot, but when have I ever held back when Aviva asks? “I was going to stay with Kirby tonight, had a bag packed and everything—”
“Oh! I’m so sorry—”
“No,” I say, stopping her. “It wasn’t you who ruined it. Lilly showed up.”
Nico gawks at me as Aviva blinks. “No way,” she says, and I nod.
“What the hell did she want?”
I shrug. “To see Celeste? I don’t know. It was crazy. She just assumed she was staying with Kirby and even brought up getting back together with him.”
Aviva is speechless as Nico says, “What a dumb bitch! Kirby would never.”
I clear my throat. “But maybe shouldn’t he, for Celeste?”
He shakes his head quickly. “Fuck no. That woman is shit. She doesn’t deserve Kirby or Celeste.”
“What he said,” Aviva says, hooking her thumb toward her future husband. “Wait. Did you suggest that he should try?”
She knows me so well. “I did,” I say, and when she lets out a scream, I’m glad I’m confident in the fact that she’s having a contraction and not getting pissed at me.
Though, she may also be mad at me since she is squeezing my hand harder than ever. I cringe with her, trying to soothe her and ignore the pain in my fingers. When the contraction ends, she sets me with a look. “Jaylin Renee, that is absolutely insane. You know good and well he loves you and only you. He wants to be with you. He wants to build a family with you. Do not get in your feelings, in your head, and start trying to ruin this because you’re scared.”
Best friends. Can’t live without them, even when they’re putting you in your place. “It’s not that I’m in my feelings or even scared. It’s that Lilly isn’t going away. She is going to cause issues, and that makes me nervous.”
“Why?” Nico asks. “Who the hell cares what she thinks? Are her opinion or her actions going to make you love Kirby or Celeste any less?”
I don’t have to think that over to know the answer. “No, not at all.”
“Then she doesn’t matter. And let’s be real, she’ll probably lose custody of Celeste and be out of her life anyway.”
“But shouldn’t he try if she wants to be a family?” I ask once more.
“No, because she isn’t his family. You are,” Aviva says confidently. “Jaylin, I’ve never seen you this happy, this in love, or even this complete. He completes you, as you do for him. You two are meant for each other.”
My heart skips a beat, and I know she’s right. “I know, but I feel like I’m losing myself.”
She gives me an incredulous look. “You’re not. You’re finding yourself. This is who you are. An incredible, loving, supportive woman. And a strong female for that little girl and for Kirby. I swear—” When her words break off and she grunts out a cry, I hold her hand close, kissing the back of her fist. “Just listen to me. Don’t fuck this up!”
I smile against her fist as I nod. When I look at Nico, he’s staring at me with fear and a little excitement in his eyes. He never meets my gaze, so I’m frozen in place. “Here is the thing, Jaylin. Independence is both a gift and a curse. The gift being you know how to live alone and enjoy life. A curse in that you don’t know how to let go of that. You got used to it, and I get it. I do. I was beyond independent. I didn’t think a woman would want me or want to deal with my issues. Enter Aviva, slamming her car into mine—”
“Well, if you knew how to fucking drive!” she screams, but I don’t dare look at her.
Not only has Nico never looked me in the eye, but he has never said this much to me while doing so. A grin comes over his sweet face as he says, “Aviva changed everything for me. She became what I realized I always wanted. A companion. So, really, you gotta ask yourself. Do you want your independence to be your companion, or do you want Kirby?”
I suck in a deep breath as his words burn into my soul. I don’t want independence to be my companion. It’s lonely a lot of the time, and that life sure as hell doesn’t include Celeste. Before I can even comment, agree, or disagree, Aviva yells through another contraction, “He loves you and only wants you! Always has! Always will! Motherfucker, get this kid out of me!”
Nico and I don’t dare laugh; we like living. I feel tears burning my eyes as I hold Aviva’s hand in mine. They brought me the clarity I needed. I’m surprised at how supportive Nico is, but I’m also thankful. I don’t want to throw away this beautiful thing I have with Kirby and Celeste. Truth is, I can’t, and I sure as hell won’t allow some woman who doesn’t deserve the love of my family to ruin it.