I pulled out my phone once he was gone. Returning the call wouldn’t be smart so I texted instead.
Ezra: Miss me?
Christina: Ha! You wish.
Christina: What I was calling for was work-related.
Christina: But I got it already.
Ezra: I totally believe you.
Christina: Got to go. Some of us ACTUALLY work.
Ezra: Just say you miss me.
Christina: Rolling my eyes so hard my head hurts.
I pondered for a few minutes before sending the next text.
Ezra: I wanna take you out this weekend.
It took a while before she replied.
Christina: Like on a date?
Ezra: Would it be weird if I said yes?
Christina: I don’t know. Try it.
Ezra: Yes, on a date.
Christina: Didn’t feel weird. So, yes, you can take me out.
Christina: Nothing fancy though.
Ezra: Got it.
“Are you done?” Rowan yelled from his office swiping the smile off my lips.
“In a minute.”
“C’mon speed it up. I have to make the call and I need to, at least, start with the good news.”
I did what he asked but, in the process, I made sure to record all the accounts’ details. I couldn’t pass them to Nunes yet, it would be too obvious. They would have their purpose in the near future.
Chapter Seventeen
Christina
“Look at how tiny you are,” my mother said, hands on her hips with brows furrowed. “Have you been eating properly?”
My mother was a big woman. Dark hair and eyes that matched mine.
“I’m fine,” I said, sitting on one of her kitchen stools. The rich, spicy smell of the ribs grilling in the oven caused my palate to awaken and my mouth salivated.
“You don’t look fine.” She pursed her lips and moved to the stove. “But you look nice.”
“What on earth does that mean?”
“It means that you are too skinny, but not like you are sick. It’s a healthy skinny, but those bones need a bit more meat.”
“Thank you, I guess.” I flattened my black skirt and removed a fleck of lint from it. “I have a date.”
“Very nice. Who’s the gentleman?”
“You don’t know him.”
“The boy with long hair that was at your party?”
Surprised, I raised both brows. “How did you know?”
“I see things and I’m old enough to understand what I see.” Her words had a double meaning. She was referring to Ezra but there was something about the way she said it that meant more. “You know you can always come home if you need anything. We’ll always be here for you.”
“I know, Ma.”
She nodded. “Good, now go on and help set the table.”
I hopped off the stool and went about setting the table as instructed. Doing such a simple chore unleashed so many nostalgic memories. I did miss home.
“Are you staying for lunch?” she asked, opening the oven door. The aroma intensified as a cloud of steam escaped.
“I’m going out on a date and people usually eat on dates.”
“You never go out on an empty stomach. What if you don’t like the food? What if the food isn’t enough?”
“I’m not hungry,” I stated firmly, bringing the discussion to an end. I knew she’d continue insisting, it was how she was.
My mother gave me a disapproving look, shouting, “Food’s ready.”
The rest of the house came rushing in and gathered around the table. My brothers and sisters seemed to have grown so much since the last time I’d seen them. My stepfather came after them with a bag of chips in his hand. Like my mother, he was a big guy but also had the kindest heart. Ever since he stepped into our lives, everything changed for the better. He dragged my mother out of the hole she was sinking into, and was able to bring happiness to our lives.
When my mother finished placing the food on the table, my heart sank a little with sadness or perhaps disappointment. Nothing had changed. There was more food than necessary, yet I knew nothing would be leftover.
A sudden rush of memories flooded my brain. Almost like my childhood was displayed before me. The most heartwarming memories were the ones I spent time with my family and friends. Anything other than those memories cut my insides as if they were shards of glass. The name-calling. The teasing. It all pushed itself to the front of my mind. I didn’t know why. Maybe it was seeing all the food that triggered it.
Then I compared my previous behavior to my recent ones. I was doing the exact same thing I did in high school, less frequently, but if I continued it would escalate. I spotted the signs and symptoms and was faced with a reality that deep down I already knew. I’d fallen off the wagon.
At the table, my family ate and laughed. I watched them with conflicted emotions. I should have said something about the way they ate. However, I sensed it wasn’t the moment to bring up the subject. I didn’t possess the courage to confront my mother.
“Mom,” I called. “Do you still remember my therapist, Dr. Burk?”
“Of course, I do,” she spoke in between bites. “Wonderful woman.”
“I think I’ll give her a call this week.” My words forced her movements to a standstill. Both she and my stepfather eyed me nervously. Before either of them could put in a word, I added, “I think you should come with me. It would be good if I had someone there. It’s been a while since my last appointment.”
She pressed a napkin to her mouth. “Let me know when and I’ll go with you.”
“I will, and thank you.”
Maybe setting my mother up for a trap wasn’t the best idea but I didn’t have a better one. After all she did and does for me, I could never hurt her by telling her what I truly thought. I was positive Dr. Burk would help us both.
Bulimia was the weapon I used for defense, to enhance my chances of survival in a world hell-bent on the thinness of women. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be rid of this evil, but Dr. Burk always said that admitting the problem was the first step to recovery. I was taking that step. I had a problem.
I said goodbye to the rest of my family and left them.
Ezra was waiting for me inside of his car listening to music while drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. I watched him for a while. He was breathtaking. When I approached, he immediately turned down the volume and from the look on his face, I could tell there were traces of the epiphany I just had looming over me.
“Is everything alright?”
“Can you give me a hug?”
He didn’t answer but reached over and opened his arms for me. I breathed in the scent of his skin and breathed out my troubles. His touch made me feel safe and accepted. I was at peace. I held on tighter and he kissed my temple. Before I knew it, everything that was bothering me drifted away like smoke on the wind.
“Thank you,” I said, freeing myself from his embrace.