“More,” she breathed, arching into me.
“Everything.” I whispered against her lips. “I want to give you everything, Eva.”
I only hoped it was a promise I could keep.
We lay side by side staring up at the ceiling. I hadn’t planned to kiss her, to spend the last hour loving her. But the second I saw Eva, standing there, tears streaking down her cheeks, I knew I was a goner. I loved this girl. Fuck, I loved her so damn much. I wanted to carry her demons and shoulder her pain. I wanted to spend the rest of my days making her smile.
“I guess we should talk.” My words pierced the silence.
“I think we were supposed to do that first.” Eva’s soft laughter washed over me like a warm blanket, and I never wanted this moment to end. But life wasn’t a fairytale, it was cold and cruel and hard. And I knew just because we were here, together, didn’t mean that out there would be as easy.
“Me and Levi had a rough childhood,” I started, knowing if I didn’t get this off my chest I might never do it. “We don’t talk about it, ever. But it’s always there.”
Rolling onto her side, Eva brushed her fingers down my chest, staring down at me with so much love I felt winded.
“Our mom was... well, she was all messed up. She was a recovering alcoholic when she got pregnant with Levi.”
“What about your dad?”
“We have different dads. Neither stuck around but I got the better deal. Levi’s dad was a mean drunk. Used to beat her around. It only got worse when she got pregnant. And then he upped and left. Said she was no good to him now she had a baby.”
“That’s awful.” Eva lay her head on my chest and I ran my hand through her hair, loving how soft the strands felt against my fingers.
“It gets worse. She never bonded with Levi, blamed him for screwing everything up. Then she met my dad. He was good for her for a while. She fell pregnant with me and by all accounts, they were happy. But Levi was a difficult child. Always trying to get her attention and going about it the wrong way. She favored me and neglected him. It didn’t help that she named him Leviathan and me Raphael.”
Eva jerked back, her brows pinched in disbelief. “She called him that?”
I nodded, remembering the first time he told me what his name meant, what it represented. I barely understood what he was saying but I knew from the angry tears in his eyes, it wasn’t good.
“I was her angel. Her gift from God. She used to say Levi was her damnation and I was her salvation.”
“That’s... I don’t even know what to say.”
“It’s messed up and something we have to live with every day of our lives. We’ve been Rafe and Levi for a long time now.”
“What happened to her?”
“My dad couldn’t take anymore of her and Levi’s strange relationship, so he left.”
“Rafe, I–”
“It’s okay. I took it hard at first but then she relapsed. Liquor, drugs, prostitution, anything she could do to escape her life. And Levi was such an angry kid, he had little in the way of self-preservation. I became his protector. His everything. There wasn’t time to grieve for a guy who wasn’t strong enough to stick around.
“Eventually, Mom had a complete mental breakdown when I was twelve and we were put into foster care. After four years of being shunted from home to home we finally decided to get our own place. We’d been playing small time gigs and had managed to save enough money to rent a room above a bar. It was a total dive, but it was ours and that’s all that mattered.”
“I had no idea.” Tears glossed Eva’s eyes as she looked up at me. “I mean, I knew somethin’ bad must have happened, but I never imagined...” She swallowed, pity etched into her expression.
“It could have been worse.” I shrugged. “We could have ended up being split up.” Some kids weren’t as lucky as us. They had no one.
We’d always had each other. Even when Levi hated me, and he had over the years, I’d been there for him.
“What happened to her?”
“She died when I was fifteen. Drug overdose.”
“That’s why you feel responsible for him,” she whispered.
“It’s not that I feel responsible for him, Eva, but Levi has only ever known abandonment. His dad left before he was born. Our mom treated him like he was the devil incarnate. Even my dad, who was a decent enough guy, didn’t stick around. I’m the only person who has never left him.” A beat passed as I let the truth sink in and then I said the words I never thought I’d say. “And then you came along.”
“It isn’t like that between us, Rafe.”
“I know.” I leaned up brushing Eva’s cheek. “But he’s attached to you. For the first time in years, Levi has formed a genuine attachment to someone, and it had to be the girl I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with.”
“You love me?” Her soft ocean eyes widened, shining with emotion.
“I’ve loved you for a while now, Starshine.”
“Oh yeah?” The corner of her mouth kicked up.
“Yeah.” I craned my neck to kiss her. It was slow and deep, an acknowledgment of my confession.
“Well, it’s a good thing really,” she breathed against my lips before inching away to look at me. “Because I love you too. I love you, Rafe. You.” Eva dropped her head to mine, the weight of our words swirling around us.
“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve wanted to say that?” I asked her, and she smiled.
“Probably about as many times as me.” We kissed again. Long and lingering, exploring each other’s mouths as if it was the first time. And in many ways, it was. This was our first kiss with the truth all laid out before us.
Eva eventually broke away. “What do we do now? I’m not sure I can keep sneaking around. It’s killin’ me, Rafe. And Levi deserves to know the truth about us.”
I sucked in a harsh breath. “He does. I’ll talk to him. I wanted to tell him earlier, but he’s too fragile right now. I’ll also talk to Alistair.”
“Do you think he’ll understand?”
“What choice does he have? I’ve tried fighting it, Eva. I’ve tried to do the right thing. But for once, I want to be selfish. I want to follow my heart. And it’s you, Evangeline Star Walker. You’re my heart.”
A stray tear rolled down her cheek, gutting me. “I’m scared,” she admitted.
“Me too. But all I know is this is worth it, you’re worth it.”
“I’m worried about him,” Eva whispered. “I don’t want to be another person who breaks his heart.”
“Levi will come around.”
He had to.
Because the other option wasn’t worth thinking about.
Eva
“What did your mom say?” I asked Molly as she flopped down beside me.
Rafe had left some time ago. There was an intimate gig tonight at a new club opening on the strip, and they needed to rehearse. I’d stayed behind wanting to give Levi some space. Rafe was adamant he would come around, but we agreed it should probably be on his terms.