Anna’s mother had been horrified by the party, of course, but she never told her parents how she felt. Anna’s father, meanwhile, who certainly had the most right to be upset about the party, took the whole thing in stride. He was used to racism in all its forms, but Anna’s mom was shocked by it. For the first few years of their married life, Anna’s mom kept receiving Asian-themed gifts, sushi plates, fancy chopsticks, and very expensive Japanese kimonos. Anna’s mom said it pissed her off at first, because she felt they were given as a slight, but eventually she got over it and realized that most people were stupid and had no idea that Asia was divided into many different countries, each with their own distinct histories and cultures. Now twenty-one years later, she and Anna’s father were still married, while most everyone else in their social circle was on their second or third divorce. Greer said she couldn’t believe it used to upset her so much when she was younger, meaning that their marriage had withstood the scrutiny and skepticism of others for years now, and thus was stronger for it. But that still didn’t mean she ever wore the kimonos.
“Well, I heart this robe and I’m going to wear it forevs, and it’s nuts your dead grandparents weren’t into your dad. I mean, he’s why your brother is like crazy fucking hot. I mean everyone knows if you mix in a little Asian, you’ll get beautiful kids. Look at you! I’d kill for your skin. Tell me the truth, when was the last time you shaved your legs, even?” Lolly ran her hand across Anna’s smooth and hairless shin. Which is when Anna realized that Lolly had entirely missed the main point of her story, which was that time heals all wounds. Lolly was sweet, but she wasn’t the brightest flame in the candelabra.
Anna lay down on her back and looked at the ceiling. Above her parents’ bed was a new Baccarat crystal chandelier that was dazzling when on but seemed foreboding when off. It was currently off. “Oh my god, I’m so full of pie I could burst,” Anna groaned, closing her eyes to it. The banana cream pie that Steven had left outside the door an hour ago was now half gone.
Lolly rolled on her back, too, and then let out a very long and deep sigh. “I don’t know how I can stay with him, Anna. I’m just so humiliated.” Anna didn’t have to look over at her brother’s girlfriend to know she was crying again. This was how the entire night had gone: one moment they were laughing and telling each other stories, the next moment Lolly was crying and lamenting that her life was ruined. Anna had no problem with girls who cried, because she herself had cried over a dog she had never met earlier that evening. So, she was in no way cry-shaming Lolly, but Anna did find herself surprised by the sheer number of tears she produced. Anna wondered how her friend could have any tears left. The waterworks strengthened Anna’s resolution that something could be done about this terrible predicament. Though what the perfect solution was to be, Anna still had no idea.
Lolly now rolled onto her stomach. “I mean, he pretty much ruined Hermès for me. Like forevs. How can I ever see their ‘H’ again without remembering what happened to me there?”
Anna had always been told she had a gift when it came to animals, having soothed many a stubborn horse in her day. She assumed the key was that she was a very patient person by nature, so her grand plan in dealing with Lolly was to keep the night going for as long as it took. Eventually Lolly would grow tired and decide what she was going to do one way or another.
Going along with this supposition, Anna tried some of the techniques that had worked on horses. She was careful to keep her voice low and steady when she spoke. Next, she brushed out Lolly’s long golden hair (remembering what one of her riding instructors had told her about brushing a horse: long strokes to keep them calm). After the brushing, the two girls looked up fun hairstyles, and, following a video from the Braid Queen of YouTube, Anna gave Lolly the Princess Leia double side bun look. The entire time Anna played with Lolly’s hair she reassured her that although she was understandably upset now, she was through the worst of it and things could only get better. Anna didn’t know if this was true, but right now she knew she had to believe it if they were to make it through this night together.
Clearly, a lot of what was driving Lolly’s misery was fear. Fear of having to make a definitive decision about her romantic life. Fear of making the wrong decision about it. Fear of loss if she broke up with Steven. Fear of hating herself if she didn’t break up with him. Fear of having no boyfriend and being single again in the wilds of Manhattan. Fear of looking for a new bf and not finding anyone better. And the big one, fear of dying unloved and all alone.
“What about the fear of loving the wrong guy?” Anna asked.
“You mean the wrong guy ’cause your brother sucks a bag of dicks?” Lolly asked in all seriousness.
“No,” Anna said. “I mean what if you spend your whole life loving the wrong guy?”
“Elaborate, please,” Lolly said, reaching for the pie box again.
“I mean, I know I love Alexander, but what if he’s the wrong guy? Like what if there was some other guy who I’m supposed to love that was … better? For me.” As soon as she said the words out loud, she regretted it. She needed to stop thinking about that moment when Alexia Vronsky turned to face her on the train. It was impossible that he could be as gorgeous as she remembered him.
“Impossible!” Lolly cried, echoing Anna’s secret thoughts. “Alexander is the best guy on the planet. He would never in a million billion years do to you what Steven did to me. Oh god, are you and Alexander having problems, too? Because if that’s the case, then I should give up now.” Lolly let out a melodramatic sigh. “I mean, if the world’s most perfect couple can’t make it work, then what hope is there for the rest of us?”
Anna sat up suddenly. “No, no, Alexander and I are fine. He’s perfect. We’re happy. Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out. I don’t even know what made me ask that. I’m just tired, I guess. And since we were listing fears, I thought I’d throw one of my own in the ring.” Anna rarely opened up to her friends about her relationship with Alexander, and when she did broach the subject, everyone always had the same reaction as Lolly: that her boyfriend was perfect and she was lucky to have him. When other girls complained about their boyfriends, Anna found she rarely shared their problems. The only complaint she had about her relationship was that sometimes she found it a little dull, but she assumed this was because they had been together for so long already.
Anna stood and walked around the room to regain her focus. She needed to come up with a new approach. Now was definitely not the time to begin questioning her own heart.
X
Kimmie was having a much better time at Serendipity 3 with Dustin than she thought she would. Their initial meeting at Steven’s New Year’s Eve party had left her with a completely different impression of him. They had only spoken for a few minutes on Steven’s rooftop, and she barely remembered what they had talked about. Normally she had a flawless memory for conversations, but her poor recollection could be blamed on the Veuve Clicquot that had her more than a little tipsy.
On the elevator up to the party, Lolly had specifically told Kimmie, “Make sure you eat something before you start throwing back champagne.” Kimmie hadn’t experimented with alcohol like most kids her age due to the fact she was always in training, so she basically had no tolerance. She had had every intention of heeding her sister’s advice so she “wouldn’t end up the puke-and-rally girl or passed out in a pile of coats” as Lolly had warned, but that entire evening had gone in a direction she never could have imagined.