It wasn’t fair to blame her sister for what happened, but Kimmie did feel Lolly could have at least walked her around the party, maybe introduced her a bit before abandoning her to go find Steven as soon as they walked in the door. The party was already in full swing because they had arrived much later than planned. (Kimmie had watched her sister taking selfies in different dresses to see which one looked the best in different lighting for what seemed like hours.) Kimmie tried to push her way into the living room but instead found herself jammed into the corner right next to a hideous ice sculpture fountain, when a cute guy sporting a man-bun offered her a glass of champagne, which she accepted immediately, eager to make a friend.
Why oh why did she have to ask him who the pair depicted in ice was? Though Man-Bun didn’t have to be such an asshole and laugh in her face. She can still close her eyes and see the guy’s sneer and hear his stupid voice, “How the fuck do you not know who Rick and Morty are?” She couldn’t believe a stranger would be so awful to her. She should have thrown her glass of champagne in his face, but instead drank the entire thing down and escaped to the roof.
Hoping that eating marshmallows from the hot chocolate bar would counteract the effects of the champagne, Kimmie stuffed her cheeks like a chipmunk with a sweet tooth. This was when she noticed Dustin standing by himself looking up at the night sky. She liked his face immediately, and that he didn’t have a man-bun. He looked so serious and out of place in this anything-goes crowd, which also made her feel better, because he looked exactly how she felt, herself: overwhelmed and wanting to be anywhere else.
Suddenly, Kimmie remembered what she and Dustin had talked about on the roof: space exploration involving a meteor, or was it an asteroid? Dustin had a vast knowledge of astronomy, which he babbled on about for a while, but she liked that he talked too much when he was nervous. She assumed that was why he was babbling, and that she was the cause of his nervousness, which she also enjoyed.
She was the opposite of Dustin. When she felt nervous, she clammed up. She hated this aspect of herself, mainly because when she was quiet, people accused her of being stuck up. She had heard a few of the other skaters talk about her that way. “Kimmie’s such a snob. She thinks she’s better than everyone else because she’s a rich bitch from New York City.” She should have had tougher skin by now, but she really didn’t.
When she went downstairs to look for her sister, Kimmie’d had every intention of finding Dustin again later to continue their conversation. But on her way downstairs she ran into Steven heading up and he turned and followed her back down into the crowded hallway. It was so loud when he asked if she wanted Molly, she honestly thought he said, “Do you want to meet Molly?” Thinking he was referring to a person instead of a drug, she said, “Sure, I’d love to.” Steven pulled out a little bag of crystals and told her to open wide. Kimmie had never tried drugs before, as all competitive athletes were regularly drug tested. But that chapter of her life was over, so nothing was stopping her from experimenting now.
Also, she didn’t want to look like a baby in front of Steven, especially since her sister told her she had him to thank for letting her attend at all. Lolly was the one who didn’t want her there because she didn’t want to be responsible for her, but Steven had argued back, “Kimmie’s had a shit year. She deserves a little fun.” Lolly gave in, more because she always let Steven have his way, as opposed to being a cool older sister. Honestly, she was terrified and didn’t want to do it, but was too much of a wimp to tell Steven she’d misunderstood him. So she did as she was told, tilting her head back and opening wide.
Most of her first drug experience took place when she was alone, sitting in Steven’s mom’s massive soaking tub. (The master bedroom was the only room off-limits for the party, but Kimmie had ignored the sign and gone in anyway, assuming she had special dispensation as sister to the gf of the host.) For the next two hours, she was blissed out on MDMA happily playing with the most exquisite and wonderfully scented bath bombs she had ever seen. Steven’s mom kept a tall glass jar of them by the tub. They were so sparkly Kimmie was convinced that Steven’s family was so rich they bought bath products with real crushed-up jewels in them. Her father was a named partner in a big corporate law firm so they were rich, too, but Lolly told her they weren’t rich in the way Steven’s family was rich. Steven’s family had “fuck-you money,” like Beyoncé and Jay-Z money, which was a different league entirely.
When Lolly found her two hours later, Kimmie was happy as a clam sitting in the empty tub, her dress covered in shimmery colorful bath bomb dust. Lolly took in her little sister’s dilated pupils and knew immediately what had happened. Soon both Steven and Lolly, who were rolling themselves, stared down at her like she was a tiny guppy in a large fishbowl. Kimmie closed her eyes and listened to Steven tell her sister that he had given Kimmie a kiddie-menu portion and reminding her it was a party and that she needed to lighten the fuck up. Lolly got pouty at Steven for swearing at her but she didn’t stay mad, because she never could. It was like Steven had some sort of magical spell over her sister, one snap of his fingers and she fell in line when he commanded.
The room was quiet and Kimmie wondered whether they had left her, so she opened her eyes to find her sister and Steven making out pressed up against the bathroom wall. Steven was rubbing his hands all over her sister’s body and her sister was making these gross moaning noises. Steven eventually picked up Lolly, tossed her over his shoulder, and carried her giggling out of the bathroom. On his way out Steven told Kimmie that she’d soon feel “right as rain.”
Thirty minutes later Kimmie felt well enough to go ring in the New Year and rejoin the party. As she was pushing through the crowd trying to get to the kitchen for some Fiji water (she had a serious case of dry mouth going), someone standing behind her reached around and handed Kimmie a glass of champagne. For a split second she thought it must be Dustin and was happy, but when she turned around she found herself staring not at Dustin, but at the most beautiful teenage boy she had ever seen. Blond hair and blue eyes had never been her type, but this guy was too gorgeous for her to care about types anymore. She remembered thinking he was like a beautiful piece of sea glass in a pile of boring old seashells.
“Do you have someone to kiss at midnight?” He spoke up, trying to be heard over the pulsing dance beat of Migos’ “Bad and Boujee” remix.
“No!” she yelled back, surprised at her boldness.
“Shall we then? It’s bad luck to ring in a New Year without a kiss from a beautiful girl.”
The next thing she knew, everyone around her began counting down from ten. Kimmie was soon screaming along with the other three hundred partygoers, and when they reached number one, she closed her eyes and lifted her chin to this handsome, nameless, shimmering sea glass of a boy. He kissed her, giving her the most magical kiss of her life. (There had only been three others, but still!) Fireworks were going off in her head just like in the movies, though she realized later what she had heard was the TV. It was the first time Kimmie felt truly happy since her “accident,” the accident that she was trying so hard to bury and walk away from. That was the advice her dad gave after her surgery: “You’re young, kiddo, sometimes dreams don’t work out. Find a new one and move on. A pretty girl like you has plenty of options.” So that’s what she had been trying to do lately, to be more like her sister, Lolly, and find happiness in friends, clothes, Instagram, or even a boyfriend. Though it was nauseating to listen to Lolly gush over Steven, Kimmie sometimes found herself envious of her sister’s relationship. Maybe a boy could give her that same feeling she had had out on the ice, a this-is-exactly-where-I’m-supposed-to-be-in-this-big-wide-world kind of feeling. And now here was this boy who thought she was beautiful and picked her to kiss when he could have had any girl at the party, so she decided to give in and enjoy it.