I couldn’t even defend myself because I had no idea what Parker had gone through. No clue what she’d endured during the years that I was gone. And the fact that my sister, out of everyone, was angry about it, told me more than I needed to know. Plus, on top of everything, Parker now had to deal with someone throwing a fireball into her house, and there was something niggling at the back of my mind. Maybe they were going after her because of me.
While I watched Nox play with Daisy and the other kids, my heart raced uncontrollably in my chest. Being overseas, I’d gone through almost every feeling I ever thought possible. I’d lost friends to war, been afraid for my life. I’d spent the night terrified that I was about to die when my convoy got stuck beyond the fence and the enemy was closing in. I’d spent more time than I’d ever admit completely petrified of even moving or living my life.
Yet the idea that I’d caused any pain for Parker, even accidentally, sent a terrible feeling through my body.
I had screwed up, royally.
“I have to find a way to fix it.” Silently, I added on to my statement. To keep Parker and Nox in my life.
Before I lost them forever.
20
Parker
Remy found me wrapped up in a blanket on his bed, crying. I’d heard the front door open, but I couldn’t stop the tears. I’d even heard the telltale clacking of Daisy’s nails on the wooden floor, but there was nothing to stop me from crying.
The bed shifted, and Remy was there. He wrapped himself around my body, keeping the blanket between us.
“I’m sorry, Parker.” His voice quivered slightly as he said my name, but the sobs still continued.
I thought he’d start with defending Eddie Stryker, and what he’d said about me. Only he didn’t, and somehow that made everything worse. He just sat there, holding me in his arms, and I cried for all the years I’d spent hearing those whispers.
The ones saying that I was a whore. That I’d cheated and broken Remy’s heart. All the while, my heart was the one lying in tatters. I lost friends, people I’d known my entire life who just stopped talking to me without knowing what really happened.
By the time I worked up the courage to admit what happened or tell anyone the truth, Danny had already died. So, I kept my mouth shut and lived for the days I got to spend with Nox. And when I heard the whispers again after Remy came home, I had pretended they didn’t exist. Since listening to those whispers would destroy the pieces of my soul I still managed to hold on to.
I cried, not knowing how or caring enough to make the tears stop. The entire time, Remy held me in his arms, whispering soothing words against the outside of the blanket. I couldn’t understand what he was saying, but the noise was enough to bring me slowly out of the broken sobs that tormented my body.
When the tears had practically stopped, Remy lifted the blanket off my face and cradled my cheeks in his hands.
“Stryker didn’t know anything about us, and he spoke out of turn. He’s been handled, and you can expect him to grovel for the next fifty years, if that’s what you want him to do.”
Sniffling with tears clogging my vision, I nodded. Although, fifty years felt like it might be letting him off a little too easy. Remy wasn’t done talking, though, and he kept going after a quick kiss to the tip of my nose.
“I hurt you on purpose, Parker. I was stupid, and a child. I didn’t understand what love was, or the effect that you’d have on me for the rest of my life. I hurt you, and I’m sorry. For everything it caused.” His eyes were rimmed with red, his face a bleak mask, and his mouth was frozen in a harsh frown. “All I ever wanted to do was keep from breaking your heart and losing you forever. I destroyed us in the process.”
I closed my eyes, unable to look at him without saying anything. Unable to face my reality. But as I closed my eyes, I found myself replaying that night. That exact moment.
The party was over. At least for me. Sitting in the backyard of Remy’s parents’ house, pushing the swing with my toes barely touching the ground. I closed my eyes and leaned against the metal rungs and took a deep breath.
Remy’s words echoed in my mind. “I don’t want to be with you.” Over and over again, they hurt. But I knew he was lying. I didn’t imagine or hallucinate our connection. It was real.
“What are you doing here?”
That voice.
When I didn’t turn around, Remy plopped down in the swing next to me and grabbed the rungs right above my hand, forcing my swing to stop.
“You shouldn’t be here, Parker.”
“Shut up, Remington,” I snapped, loving the way I got to use his nickname. “I’m not here for you. I didn’t want to go back to my aunt and uncle’s house in the middle of the night. I talked to Danny and Linc, and I’m going to sleep over at their house.”
A strange noise, almost like a growl, escaped from next to me even as I refused to look at him.
“That’s not my name, Parker Jane.” He knew I hated my middle name and insisted on using it every chance he got.
Silence stretched between us, and I knew I should get up and walk away. But I couldn’t. Not when he’d been gone for so long, and he’d be gone again soon. Instead, I fingered the edge of my dress, a stupid whim that I’d worn so that Remy would see me.
“I don’t want to be like this,” I told him bluntly. “I don’t want to miss out on this or regret us not giving it a chance. Whatever happens, I know that I want you.”
“I told you, I don’t want you.” His words came out harsh, biting into my skin worse than the chill in the air.
“I don’t believe you.” I didn’t, either.
“You’re wrong, Parker.” He forced my chin up so that my eyes had to meet his. I hadn’t even realized that he’d moved from my side. His eyes were locked on mine, and they were dull. Lifeless, even. “I don’t want you. I never wanted you. I pitied you. After your parents died, I had to be nice to you because my parents forced me to. But I’ve hated every minute of it, every minute that I had to listen to you go on and on about life. I hated every minute of you being here, and I still hate you for the fact that I’ve spent years being nice to someone I can’t fucking stand.” I’d started crying somewhere along the way, but my tears had no effect on him. He just kept going. When I tried to pull my chin away, to get away from him, Remy’s grip became painful and he squeezed even harder. “I fucking hate you, Parker Jane Findlay. I never want to see you again.”
Rustling behind us distracted him, and I pulled myself from his grip, just in time for him to step back. The gate to the backyard opened and a shadowy figure stepped into the yard. I didn’t even care who it was. I just wanted to get away from Remy, and never see him again.
“Hey, Parker,” Danny called out hesitantly. “I’m ready to go. Linc vanished somewhere. You still staying at our place?”
Tears clogged my throat, and I couldn’t even manage an answer. But I stormed away from Remy, and Danny wrapped me in a loose embrace.
“Take her,” Remy snarled. “She’s nothing.”
Danny froze, his arm wrapped around me tightening. I struggled, trying not to cry even harder, but the man I loved more than anything else had single-handedly hit every single one of my triggers, and he knew it.