“Shut the fuck up, Remy.” Danny’s quiet voice still managed to ring out into the air around us. “I don’t know what the hell happened between you two, but you never talk about her that way.”
My sobbing broke through the tight hold I thought I had. “Let’s just go.” I sobbed again, trying not to show Remy how much he had hurt me. Danny gently wiped the tears from my cheeks.
“Take care of her, Danny. She’s your problem now.” Remy walked by us, and I stole one last look at the man who had broken my heart with his hands.
“I wanted you to hate me.” Remy’s whispered words brought me back to the present. “I wanted you to hate me, to push me, and blame me for the words I said. For those lies. But you never did. Even when you should have, you wrote to me, and you kept me alive, Parker Jane.”
I didn’t move, didn’t open my eyes, didn’t say a word, because I wasn’t sure what would come out if I did. Just like it was yesterday, I felt his words all over again like they’d been cut into my skin with a dull knife.
“I hurt you, and this town hurt you because of it. Still, you stayed. No wonder you want to leave. I can’t give you anything that will make you stay, but I can fix the fact that they think you hurt me. I can make sure they know that I broke your heart, that I didn’t deserve you.” He kissed my cheek, his lips brushing away the tears that still leaked through my closed eyelids. “I can’t take back the last six years of pain, Parker. But I can do that.”
I opened my mouth to tell him something… I don’t know what, but the front door slammed open.
“Mooooom!” Nox hollered out. “I’m home. Gonna grab a snack, and then I’m going to Gigi’s house for the sleepover.” His voice faded as he walked through the house downstairs.
“Nox!” Rose called out chidingly. “You’re not supposed to scream like that. Hey, Parker,” she shouted up the stairs. “If you could pack Nox an overnight bag, that would be great.”
Remy rested his forehead against mine, a pained smile breaking out over his lips. “She’s just as bad as my mom.” He wiped the tears from my eyes tenderly, his thumbs brushing them away until there was nothing left but the vague taste of salt on my lips.
“I need to get up,” I whispered brokenly. “I’ve got to get his bag ready. I forgot that tonight is his sleepover with Rose and Emma. They won’t wait forever.”
“They can wait as long as you want them to,” Remy answered. “You’ve given your entire life for everyone else. You can be selfish, Parker. Be selfish.” He pulled me into his arms again, kissing my forehead. “You deserve it.”
But the sound of Nox running around and playing with Daisy in the backyard drifted up through the open window of Remy’s bedroom, shattering the spell that had wound itself around us.
“Did you know you’re the best mom?”
I looked up from packing Nox’s overnight bag a few minutes later to see both Nox and Remy standing in the doorway. Nox was the one who spoke, but he stood with his arms crossed, mirroring Remy.
The tears I’d barely managed to get under control threatened to come back with a vengeance, but I swallowed them down.
“Why did you say that?” Quickly, I grabbed his favorite blanket and shoved it in the duffel bag, along with a pair of slippers that he probably didn’t need. Honestly, he could probably just go to her house without anything, because Nox had multiple sets of everything. But I packed the bag, nonetheless, and tried not to cry anymore.
“Because you always do everything for me, for everyone, and I love you.” Nox surprised me by throwing his arms around the back of my neck in the next moment, and I cherished every single minute of it.
Random bursts of affection were growing shorter, and even if I knew it was one of the signs that he was growing up, my heart couldn’t take any more hurt just yet.
Just as I zipped the bag closed, Remy picked it up for me and offered his hand. Nox watched our interaction, his eyes boring into both of us at once. I put my hand in Remy’s, and it was like the fucking skies opened up and the angels started to sing. Remy smiled, Nox smiled, and the two of them aiming that much positivity at me was something I’d never encountered before.
Bliss.
In that moment, somehow the rest of the world pushed aside. With all of the memories of our past outside the room, I got a taste of happiness. The shadows of the past were still there lurking, waiting to invade. Demanding answers to the pain that I had suffered. Life was filled with pain, though. Thousands of little moments all combined together to create a single, memorable life. A life that I wanted more than anything else.
“See you tomorrow, Mom.” Nox hugged me as I stood up, and I realized only a second had passed since Remy had offered me his hand.
I couldn’t shake the cobwebs from my mind fast enough to catch Nox before he went running out of the room and down the stairs.
“Bye, Parker and Remy.” Rose’s voice filtered up the stairs and I was still in a haze as the door closed.
Remy stared at me like I was the answer to the most complicated problem in his life. His head tilted a little to the side, and his eyes were calculating, something I hadn’t expected.
“What do you think she was doing down there this whole time?” Remy nodded toward the open door. “Rose.”
“Talking to Danny. I hung his dog tags next to the picture you have hung, in case Nox wants to talk to him. She probably saw them.”
Understanding dawned on his face, followed by silence so heavy it pressed down on my chest and made it hard to take a deep breath.
“I need to tell you the truth. If you hate me at the end, I won’t stop you from leaving Birch.”
His words cut like the sharpest of blades, leaving me numb at first and then in an agonizing amount of pain.
Couldn’t he see that I didn’t want to leave? Not when I’d seen perfection in a living moment between us only a minute before.
I opened my mouth to tell him as much, but he beat me to it.
“I don’t have an answer as to why I hurt you as much as I did, Parker. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me until the day you die. I was young, and I was afraid of losing you. I know that’s not good enough, but it’s the only answer I have. One day, maybe, I’ll be able to give you something more. Something better.”
“I should hate you, Jeremy Vale Townsend.” The words hurt, even as I spoke them. “I have every right to do so, like you said.”
His face filled with regret and doubt, mixed with fear and confusion. Every emotion that I could have sworn he was incapable of, even a year before, warred for control over his face.
“I don’t, though.”
Those eyes, the same ones that had always seen straight through me, that always knew every single secret I’d ever tried to keep. They darted to mine, imploring me to continue.
I just wasn’t sure I could say the words.
“Say it, Parker.” His throaty growl vibrated down my body and into my toes. “Say the words.”
I shook my head, unable to do it.
“Fine.” Remy smiled down at me. “I’ll go first.”
He wrapped his hands around my neck, pulling me until our bodies were flush and he was staring down at me.