“You can say what you need in front of Bane, Dr. Maku,” Mischka said.
One last warning glance for Bane and then Dr. Maku began. “Very well. This is a delicate matter. It should have been discussed by the medic staff prior to your release and I apologize for their oversight.”
Mischka latched onto Bane’s hand, her nails digging deep. “What is it?”
“There is no easy way to say this, but when you brought up wanting me to remove your birth control device, I assumed this meant you were open to conceiving. I took the liberty of reviewing the notes from the emergency surgeries you had for future reference.” He paused to make sure they were both following.
Bane’s skin grew clammy and his pulse leaped. He wasn’t going to like whatever Maku wanted to tell her.
The doctor took a deep breath and said slowly, “There was significant damage done.”
Puzzlement danced over Mischka’s features. She shrugged her shoulders. “I know. It was explained to me at the time.”
Dr. Maku slid his hands free of his pockets and held up a data pad. “I’m sorry if I’m not being clear. Are you aware, according to the notations that you are barren as a result of the attack?”
The world spun around Bane and air whooshed from his chest. He tore his gaze away from Dr. Maku and looked at Mischka. The news had clearly caught her off-guard as well. Her mouth gaped and closed several times before she got out a clear word. “What?!”
Reading from the data pad, Dr. Maku recited the results to her. “Significant internal damage, removal of your uterus and two of your egg sacks. The third egg sack has scar tissue and reduced function. Based on Marenian physiology, this greatly reduces the odds of you successfully becoming pregnant with a child and eliminates the possibility all together of you carrying one.”
A calm mask fell over her face and she appeared outwardly unaffected with the exception of her fingers crushing his hand. The news didn’t matter to Bane. None of it. He would take Mischka anyway he could have her because for one brief wave of time he’d existed in a world where he thought he’d lost her.
Mischka pressed her free hand to her flat stomach. Her breath came in harsh rasps and he wanted to pick her up and carry her away from this room and the devastating news she was receiving.
“He took everything away from me,” she choked out.
There was an air of disbelief in her tone. With his eyes steady on her, Bane was prepared to react in case she lost her composure. Inside, his emotions blazed hot, not with sadness or regret, though he felt that too. It was burning rage. “If I could kill him a thousand times over, it wouldn’t be enough, Mischka.”
“I can’t have children with you.” It was as if she needed to say it aloud for it to sink in.
Bane pulled her forward and nuzzled the top of her head. “I won’t say it doesn’t matter because I know it does but it does not change my feelings for you. Please don’t think it does.”
He’d worked too hard to get her to accept him and come too far to get her to believe in the two of them to give up now.
“If there is any way I can be of help further, don’t hesitate to ask.” Dr. Maku directed that statement to Bane as if he knew she couldn’t take in any more.
Bane nodded and guided her from the room with a hand to the small of her back. She ambled along beside him, the shattered look turning her eyes a murky brown. It was more evidence to her state that she followed without question or hesitation.
As they walked down the hall, he sensed her confusion morph to anger. It brewed and heated enough it scolded Bane through his shirtsleeve but he didn’t remove his arm. All he wanted to do was comfort her and he had no idea how to go about it.
His mind rapidly went through several scenarios as a distraction and his steps finally led him to his rooms. He had planned to bring her when he was ready to tell her of his feelings. Now he wasn’t sure if it was a good time or if she’d think he was pitying her.
Wanting to make his offer in the intimacy of his private space where no other had entered, he ushered her straight toward his bedroom. Mischka stiffened as soon as they crossed the threshold. “Bane—”
“Shh. Let me take care of you.”
Her brows drew together and she glared, that awful lost look finally fading from her eyes. She caught his wrist. “Wait.”
“This isn’t about sex sharing.” Bane kept his tone low, wanting her to trust him. “I know you’re upset about what Dr. Maku disclosed.”
“Furious,” she snapped, then shoved his hands away. “But I don’t need you treating me like I’m weak.”
Her voice stumbled on the last word. Bane’s heart ached. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly on the lips before pulling back. “You are far from weak.”
Her lashes fluttered and she studied his expression as if seeking his sincerity. But it was the absolute truth. Bane found her incredibly strong. Gradually the detached look in her eyes fell. Interest, desire and need entwined followed by a flash of fear. “Don’t lie to me, Bane.”
There was a desperation to her plea he couldn’t stand
“You are not weak,” he said again. “That’s why I’ve brought you here. To ask, Mischka, will you accept my silk?”
Chapter 32
Mischka had followed Bane in a daze and realized they were in his home. His bedroom to be exact. Seeing it reinforced the devastating news from Dr. Maku and his revelation. The thought of not being able to have children whipped at her senses.
Mischka hadn’t spent much time thinking of the idea in the past but it had been an assumption in the back of her mind that at some point it would happen. And now...Mischka sucked in a breath. Now it wasn’t an option.
She wanted to rage, scream and...also cry. She wanted to shred Gordo’s face and wish she had done more to him when they’d been alone in that cell. His death was over far too easy for the trouble he’d caused.
Bane still waited patiently for her to respond. His reaction in the medic center had been as stunned as hers. Gazing around his bedroom, it was hard not to miss the bed hanging above their heads.
“You sleep up there?”
“Every night. It’s similar to the one my maman wove for me as a child.”
She flinched. Then because she didn’t want to deal with thoughts of not having children yet, the news Dr. Maku had given her was brutally pushed to the far recesses of her mind for later. “How?”
He chuckled. “It’s easy once you’re used to it. It’s the only way I’ve ever slept. It’s the way my parents slept.”
“Right.” Mischka rubbed her bare arms then crossed them over her chest. She had no idea what accepting his silk meant but her agreement was out before she could even think to refuse. “Yes. I want your silk.”
His smile was a sweet turn of his lips. He started taking off his clothes and tipped his head in her direction. “You have to remove your clothes for this part.”
Mischka hurriedly removed her shirt, then her pants and toed off her shoes. She slid her underwear down and stood bare in front of him. Her heart slammed against her chest and made it difficult to swallow, let alone breathe.