"No."
His face screws with confusion. "Why did she agree to marry you?"
"I'm a great fuck."
"I'm sure you are, Ty, but we both know women aren't ruled by the head between their legs."
"Maybe they are," I say. "Maybe they have us fooled."
He considers it. "Maybe."
"That is what you say about Eve."
"I'm teasing. I know it's not true. Do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Do you know why she really agreed to marry you?"
I could lie. Maybe I should. But I don't. "I paid her to."
He fails to hide his surprise.
"My reputation… I was tired of people calling me a whore."
"Tired of me and Mum worrying?"
"Yes."
"But that is her," he says. "She is the girl from the museum?"
I nod.
"The one who fucked with your head."
"She is."
He shakes his head. "You're a fucking idiot, Ty."
Probably.
"You're in love with her. Everyone else sees it. Everyone but you."
"I don't think she's interested in anyone else's opinion."
"You really paid her?"
I nod.
"And you didn't tell me?"
"Why do you think I paid her, Ian?"
"Fuck." He slips out of his chair. Paces to the fridge. And back. "I forget sometimes. I forget how young you were when I left."
"You didn't leave. You enlisted."
"I still left." He looks to me. "I could have stayed closer. Found a job selling shoes."
"You couldn't sell a shoe to save your life."
His laugh is soft. "Maybe. But I know what it was like for me. Growing up with Dad away all the time. Feeling like I had to keep everything together. I did the same thing. I understood why he enlisted, why he stayed enlisted, but I still hated him for it."
"I don't hate you."
"I still felt like he abandoned me. Abandoned our family."
He did. It might not be a fair accusation. He had to do something to make a living. He had to do something to take care of us.
But did he have to do that?
Did Ian?
"I'm sorry, Ty," he says. "It wasn't fair to you. It felt like something I had to do. Maybe it was. But it wasn't fair to you."
My shoulders soften. My chest eases. Some tension I've been holding for the last two decades fades.
"I should have stayed," he says. "I should have been there. Been your older brother."
"I missed you."
"I know."
"I needed you."
"I know." He looks me in the eyes. "I failed you and I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I promise."
"You moved here." I feel twelve again. A child begging my brother to stay. "I thought you'd stick around, and you flew across an ocean."
"I tried to visit."
"Once a quarter."
His voice stays soft. "I'm sorry. I should have talked to you. I should have sat down and explained. I will now." He sits at the counter. "I'm staying here."
"Because of Eve?"
"Yes. And because I want to be somewhere that feels like home and New York does."
"London is a better city."
"Of course. But try convincing these New Yorkers." He waves his hand they're ridiculous.
"Indie is the same. She loves everything about the city."
"She hasn't seen London. She has an excuse."
"But not Eve?"
He nods it's terrible. "No one is perfect."
"Is there a single other thing you don't like about her?"
"No." He laughs. "And even that… I love how much she loves it."
"You're disgusting."
"I know." He smiles. "After my divorce, I didn't think I'd ever be happy again. But I am. I'm stupid in love with her. Maybe you're not there yet, Ty. Maybe you're not ready to let your guard down. But you can get there. You have the discipline."
"I have the discipline to fall in love?"
He nods.
"You really are ridiculous."
"Do you ever look at yourself?"
"I know I'm ridiculous."
"No. Do you ever look in the mirror when you're talking about her? Your eyes light up. You smile like you're about to meet the Queen. You're different. Happy."
"I'm happy?"
"She makes you happy. If that's not love, then what the fuck is?"
I let Ian drag me on a run.
I even join him for a brunch with Eve.
She spends the entire time explaining how I can fix things. How I will fix things.
I have two women threatening my life if I don't unfuck this.
And I have absolute faith in both of them. They're equally capable of ruining me.
I leave. Spend the afternoon with my brother's words.
He's right.
She makes me happy.
Is that love?
I don't know.
But I'm ready to try to figure it out.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Indigo
I'm lying in bed, half-asleep, Back to Black on repeat, when a knock on the door rouses me.
Then a familiar voice.
Ty.
He's far away. I can't make out what he's saying, but I recognize his voice.
I drag myself out of bed. Press my ear to the door.
"Is this a booty call?" Sienna asks.
"Doesn't a booty call require a call?"
"Okay. Breakup sex. And don't say you didn't break up. She's been crying for the last thirty-six hours," Sienna says.
"Do you want it to be breakup sex?"
"Hmm… I'd accept it."
"You'd accept it?"
"Yeah." She tries a tough voice. "Do you have a better offer?"
"What would be a better offer?"
"Makeup sex? Or a hot friend with a thing for American soccer players?"
"For Indie?"
"No. For me. Keep up, Ty."
He laughs. "Which is the better offer?"
"Both, obviously."
"You want me to promise makeup sex with your sister and a hot friend for you."
"Is that unreasonable?"
"Aren't you claiming you want to fuck my cousin?"
"I thought I was overselling that," she says.
"You are."
"Then don't argue. Cam can be the hot friend. Or another hot friend. I'm negotiable."
"That is how I'd describe you."
"Thank you," she says. "And you can keep this between me and you. Indie… she's not so much on you introducing me to your friends."
"You're only eighteen."
"You're thirty, Ty. Indie is twenty-two. And you met three years ago."
She has him there.
She has me there.
But he just laughs. "I'm not introducing you to any friends from university."