Instead, I asked her to walk me down the aisle. It felt right. It still does.
"Your shoes?" Sienna asks.
"Huh?"
"You're teetering."
Of course I'm teetering. I'm getting married tonight.
Ty offered to wait until spring. Next summer. After my college graduation.
Not that I'm enrolled yet. I'm applying to universities in the city, but I'm not sure if I want to go back to school.
I know I need music in my life, but I'm not sure school is the way to accomplish that. I'm not sure what I want to accomplish.
After a summer of practice, I'm able to play a set without crying. Sometimes, I even play when Ty or Sienna can overhear.
I'm writing songs again.
But I'm not ready to play for strangers. Not yet.
In another few months, but not yet.
"Are you drunk?" Sienna motions to the champagne flute sitting on the vanity. "You wouldn't be the first bride."
"No. Nervous."
"Why? You look hot."
"Thanks." Between my perfectly straight hair, my expertly applied makeup (dramatic in an I love you forever way), and my flowing chiffon gown, I feel hot.
This dress is sexy. Not so sexy I'm embarrassed Ty's mom is here, but close.
She's been here all week. Ty fusses over her the way he fusses over me, even though she can't stand it. She keeps insisting she can take care of herself.
I'm in my fifties, not my eighties, Tyler.
She always calls him Tyler.
He turns into the guy he was at fifteen.
The sweet, shy boy who wants only to take care of his family.
There's so much love in his heart. It's hard to believe he ever felt otherwise.
"Then why are you nervous?" Sienna glances in the mirror. Smooths her hair. It's in a simple braided updo, something she could wear on a run, but it's still too fussy for her.
"You look pretty."
"Obviously." She twirls until her skirt spins. "I need to look good for Cam."
"Not now."
"You're nervous. Now is a good time to distract you."
That's a good point, actually.
"Why are you nervous?" She moves closer. "The sex is still good, right?"
"Yeah." My skin flushes at the memory of last night. We slept in separate rooms, so I could sneak out this morning without seeing him, but before that—
Fuck, I can feel his hand around my throat, hear his voice in my ears, taste his lips.
"If you're going to fantasize, do it out loud." Sienna's voice is teasing. "It's that good, and he's rich, and he's hot… why are you nervous?"
"Why am I nervous I'm about to commit to someone for the rest of my life?"
"The sex is good. What else do you need to know?"
A laugh spills from my lips. "You appreciate what matters."
"And he loves you." She smiles. "It's kind of disgusting how much you love each other, actually."
It is.
I try to find something to tease her back, but the door interrupts me. The organizer, a woman in a powder blue pantsuit, motions come here.
"You're on." She smiles. "Are you ready, Miss Simms?"
Miss. This is the last time I'm a Miss.
"Am I crazy?" I whisper to Sienna.
"Do I need to go through the logic again?"
"Tell me I'm not."
"Everyone in love is a little crazy." She offers her arm. "But no. You're doing the smart thing, nailing down a rich guy. It's practical."
Practical. That's not a way I'd describe my relationship with Ty, but she's right.
He loves taking care of me.
I love the way he takes care of me.
The sex is fantastic.
And he… he's honest with me. He's himself with me. I can be myself with him. Admit my darkest secrets and my dirtiest desires and know he won't judge me.
Hell, most times, he finds a way to fill those needs.
He won't invite someone to watch. But he will make me come on the balcony of a five-star restaurant. He will demand I watch as I come on his cock.
And he'll take pictures.
Of me. Us.
My cheeks flame.
Sienna laughs. "How many hours until you're alone?"
It's an hour past sunset. I wanted to get married with the glow of the city. Our reception is shorter than most, but we won't be alone until after midnight.
It's too long.
I want it now.
I want everything now.
"Miss Simms?" The organizer asks again. "Do you need a minute?"
"No. I'm ready." I take Sienna's arm and hold her tightly as we follow the organizer.
We move around the corner.
To the long blue carpet.
And he's there, under the altar.
Ty, in a black suit and a purple tie, his smile wide, his eyes on me.
"He's so hot," Sienna whispers. "You're really making the right move."
My laugh floats. Everything floats.
She walks me down the aisle. Then she hugs me. Whispers in my ear. "I love you."
"I love you too."
She kisses me on the cheek, releases me, sits next to Ty's mom.
Then I take Ty's hands and the rest of the world disappears.
Sienna is right. He's painfully handsome.
And the joy on his face—
It is the best thing I've ever seen.
My nerves disappear, but I keep floating.
As the officiant reads a poem and takes us through our vows and pulls out the rings.
I say I do.
He slides the ring onto my finger.
Then it's my ring on his left hand. And his hands on my waist.
He kisses me with everything he has.
And then I'm flying, even though my feet are on the ground.
That's what he does. He helps me fly without the risk of falling.
Epilogue
Indigo
The warm water pounds my sore shoulders. I tilt my head, let the water work the tension from my neck. The left side. Then the right.
I turn. Adjust the position of the shower head. Usually, I use it for more untoward purposes. Not back massage.
I guess it's not that different.
Sure, I'm using the removable showerhead to work the tension from my muscles. But I'm doing it because I need to be ready for my husband.
I close my eyes. Inhale the warm, wet air, the tap tap tap of the shower, the soft music playing in the bedroom.
Our bedroom.
Enough to cover the sound of his footsteps.
He's supposed to surprise me. That's the plan for today.
If it was up to me, he'd have the entire day. The elevator in the building. The desk in his office. The bathroom at lunch.
But I'm not as agile as I used to be.
My hand goes to my stomach. I'm in my third trimester now. Past the horrible morning sickness. Well into back aches, tired feet, incredible horniness.
I didn't believe my friends. I understood the hormones. I believed mine would surge. But I didn't think it was possible to want Ty more.
To think about his hands, lips, cock more.
But I do.
I'm not sure how I do anything else.