“Yes, in more ways than one.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“We landed back in the US and were transiting to the domestic terminal, to board our flight to Missouri. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, but instead, I walked out of the airport and onto the first Greyhound to depart. I didn’t care where it was going, as long as it was nowhere near Missouri and nowhere near my father. I never saw him again.”
“Jesus, Melissa, what happened?”
“I had nothing but enough dollars for some bus tickets, a carry on, and the clothes on my back. The one thing I didn’t have was a plan. I sat on the bus crying silently both with relief, and fear. I can’t imagine what I looked like. I had a black eye, for fuck’s sake, and tears streaming down my face. When the bus terminated in a one-horse town in the middle of nowhere, at the dead of night, I had never felt more alone and more terrified in my entire life. Suddenly even a future being treated like a human punching bag seemed more appealing than the uncertain path ahead.”
“So, what did you do?” Though the story seemed possibly outlandish to the uninitiated, it didn’t to me. Having known a little of her life, the story seemed to fit, but more to the point, her tone and demeanor when she spoke told me this was definitely for real.
“I sat at in the waiting area of the bus stop, cold, hungry and tired, sure I’d made a massive mistake. I must have dozed off at some point, because the next thing I remember is coming to, with the rising sun almost blinding me.
I don’t know if it was the sleep, or the optimism of a brand-new day, but something came to me then. I remembered my mom telling me repeatedly over the years about a great aunt of hers who lived near Chicago. I didn’t recall her ever mentioning her to my father, but she had told me this aunt’s name, address and phone number several times, always quietly and privately. She had made me memorize it like a song, and told me that it was our special girly secret, just the two of us.
“I hadn’t realized her intent at the time, but suddenly, in that bus shelter in butt fuck nowhere, I finally saw that it had been an exit strategy of sorts. As powerless as she had been to keep anything from my father, my Mom had done what she could to give me a plan B, or maybe somewhere to go should anything have happened to her. At this point, I had nothing to lose—no options, very little money—so I called my aunt. To my relief, she picked up, and after I briefly explained my predicament to her, she readily agreed for me to stay with her.”
“You went to her?”
“Yeah, I used the last of my money to buy a one-way ticket to Chicago, and the rest as they say, is history. Aunty Louisa saved my life.”
I thought I might have been just a little in love with Aunty Louisa.
Beck
“So you lived happily ever after? Why didn’t you contact me—at least to let me know you were okay? Being dumped is bad, but being ghosted is so much worse. I had no idea what I did wrong or why it was happening. The bottom fell out of my world, when you left. It was as though someone had hacked off one of my limbs.”
“Who said I lived happily ever after? I’d lost everything. My future hopes, dreams and plans, Colombia, my mom, you. None of those things were available to me anymore. Yet again, I was starting from scratch, only this time was so much worse than any of the others. I had the clothes on my back, my carry on from the trip to Europe, and not a penny to my name. I’d lost the love of my life, and the one place I could ever remember feeling like home. Even my name was gone. I changed it so that my father wouldn’t be able to find me.
“You talk about the guys putting you back together again. Well Louisa did the same for me. I might have had the ‘advantage’ of being the one doing the ghosting, but believe me, it was no easy ride for me, either. I was shattered.”
“I couldn’t contact you, or anyone in Allentown for that matter. It was too risky. I had gambled with your future by taking off the way I had, but I reasoned that a case of statutory rape wouldn’t be much without a “victim.” I figured my dad was unlikely to press charges if I wasn’t around, but I didn’t want to tempt fate by reaching out to you, even via anyone else, just in case he could somehow trace me.”
“But—”
She put her hand up to shut me down.
“I’ve thought about this every which way, Beck. Give me some credit here. Don’t you think if there had been another way, I would have found it? I had nothing at this point, remember? Even if I had been able to get in touch with you somehow, what was I supposed to say? ‘Hey, I know you have your whole future ahead of you and have earned your way into one of the most prestigious colleges in the world, but drop all that and live life as a penniless runaway with me, instead?’ I could never have done that to you, I loved you too much.”
“Do you even hear yourself? Do you think your love was a one-way thing? I loved you too. I still fucking love you. Don’t you think I deserved a say in my future? Our future? I would have walked away from Yale. In fact I would have walked away from everything and everyone, even my mom, if it meant I could be with you. You know what else? I wouldn’t have looked back.” It was the truth. Just like I was prepared to give up everything I’d worked so long and hard for now, I would have done the same then. In a heartbeat.
“You say that now, Beck, but it’s not that simple…” This time it was my turn to silence her.
“Actually, it’s absolutely that simple. I love you, and nothing else matters. What could be simpler than that? You know something? Not only would I have given up all that shit then, I have no qualms about doing the same now. The guys told me they didn’t want me to pursue things with you, that it was too risky with the pitch, and that there was too much at stake. I told them that if it would make them feel better, I’d back out of our partnership. No buy out, nothing, just literally let them cut me out, because I wasn’t prepared to walk away from you.”
“You can’t ju—”
“I can and I did. It’s a no-brainer. You go after what you want in life, and I want you, it’s really that simple. Everything else is just noise.”
“I can’t believe you’d do that for me.”
“It wasn’t for you. It was for me. You slipped through my fingers once, because I left things to fate, the gods, the universe, or whatever fucking bullshit. There’s no way I’m going to let that happen again. If it means giving up BR&ND I’ll have no regrets. What happened next?”
She blinked rapidly, as though trying to clear the fog of her mind. “Next? Nothing, really. I just existed, trying to rebuild the remnants of my life. I looked after Louisa as she got older and less able to look after herself, and when she eventually passed away, I inherited her house. She’s been dead for eight years, and I still miss her every day. She was so good to me—she really showed me the true nature of family, something I hadn’t experienced fully before.”
More tears hovered at the rims of her eyes, but she blinked them away furiously.
“Speaking of family, what happened to your father?” The mere mention of him made me want to do violent things.
“Ugh. As if my life wasn’t a wreck to begin with, that story only went from bad to worse. He and Mom moved to Missouri as planned, where it quickly became apparent that not only had my father been dishonorably discharged from the army for disorderly conduct—read stumbling around blind drunk while on duty—but this had happened some months previously. ‘Funnily’ enough, he had neglected to share that gem with us at the time.” This dude had to be related to Satan, for Christ sakes.