The doctors have done two more EEGs. Both came back as expected. There’s brain activity, but only barely. Dr. Vegas and Dr. Becker said the only thing keeping her alive is the breathing machine. But even that won’t be enough when her heart stops, which will eventually happen.
I’ve come to the conclusion that they are wrong. I refuse to believe Molly is gone. My only hope is a miracle. And I pray every single fucking day, multiple times, for God to send that miracle.
When I’m not talking to or staring at my wife, I’m scouring the internet, desperately seeking even a shred of something that could help her. There has to be something somewhere, right?
My eyes are gritty, and I’m exhausted. I rarely sleep. I don’t want to miss even a second of the precious minutes, days, or weeks she has left.
The door behind me whooshes open, but I pay no mind to the person who just entered. My sole focus is on Molly. I’m vigilant in my watching over her.
“Honey, have you gotten any sleep at all?”
I glance at Nancy briefly with bleary eyes before bringing them back to Molly.
“I got an hour last night.”
“Lincoln, you have to take better care of yourself,” she says, coming to stand on the other side of the bed and grabbing Molly’s hand. “She wouldn’t want you to neglect yourself like this.”
Leaning forward in my chair, I grab Molly’s other hand and bring her fingers to my lips, rubbing her soft skin against my mouth. “I’ll sleep later.”
“Will you at least eat the food I brought you?”
I only now notice the bag sitting on the small table at the end of the bed. I nod, ignoring the pain in my stomach at the thought of eating. Food has been a low priority on my list the last week.
“How are the kids?”
Nancy fiddles with the blanket around Molly’s waist as she replies. “Worried, scared.” She lifts her eyes to me. “Missing their mom, but needing their daddy.”
I close my eyes, feeling a deep well of guilt hit me. “Thank you for taking care of them for us.”
“You never have to thank me for watching over my grandchildren.” She pauses a moment, weighing her next words. “I understand why you need to be here, Lincoln. I want to be here every second of every day she has left too, but those babies need you. They’re hurting just as much as you are. They need the comfort only their father can give.”
“What if….” I pull in a deep breath, the words I’m scared to say getting stuck in my throat. “What if she slips away while I’m not here? These are my only chances left to be with her. I don’t want her to be alone when she….” I trail off, unable to finish.
I may refuse to believe she’s going to die, but it’s still my worst fear.
Her smile is sad, filled with remorse, and her eyes tear up. “She won’t be alone. She’ll always have one of us here. My baby will not die alone.”
I know she’s right. Nancy would never let her daughter be left alone up here. Neither would anyone else in the family. The majority of the time, there’s at least one other person here besides me.
“Tomorrow,” I tell her. “I’ll come by the house for a couple of hours tomorrow.”
She lifts a brow. “Why don’t you make it a few hours and spend some of that time getting some sleep. The kids don’t need to see you looking so rough.”
The thought of spending even more time away from Molly has me nearly panicking, but again, I know she’s right. I’m far from feeling strong right now, though Gray and Gemma need to believe I am. I’m sure I look a mess. I’ve showered and changed my clothes in the small bathroom in Molly’s room a couple of times, but I’m sure my eyes are bloodshot, and my face looks gaunt.
I nod, moving my attention back to Molly.
Sniffing back tears, Nancy bends over to place a kiss against Molly’s freckled cheek. Molly’s also lost weight since she was admitted a week ago. The doctors say it’s because her body is breaking down, not retaining the nutrients they are giving her.
“Douglas and I will be back in a few hours with the kids. Lindsay said she’ll be by later too.”
“Okay.”
Before she leaves, she walks around the bed and kisses the top of my head. Cupping my cheeks like I’ve seen her do to Molly and the kids many times, she forces me to look at her.
“This may be the end for my little girl.” She pauses and closes her eyes. “But this is not the end for you. It’s going to be hard—so very hard, Lincoln—but you’ll get through this. We’ll all get through this because we have to.” Her eyes slide to Molly and linger for a moment. “Because it’s what she would want.”
She leaves me after that. For the first time today, she’s wrong. I will get through this because it’s what Molly would want. I’ll also get through it because the kids need me more than anything right now.
But this is the end for me. I’ll never be the same again once my beautiful girl is gone.
Later that evening, after Nancy, Douglas, the kids, and Lindsay have left after visiting for a couple of hours, I’m parked on the side of the bed with Molly’s hand in mine when the door opens. Owen and Nina appear hand in hand. They left for Hawaii a couple of weeks ago, and I wasn’t sure when they were due back, so I’m surprised to see them.
“Hey, man,” Owen says, stopping beside me and laying a hand on my shoulder.
My smile doesn’t reach my eyes. “Hey.”
He lets go, and I get up to hug Nina.
“You hanging in there?” she asks when I pull back.
I blow out a breath and sit back down. “Yeah,” I lie.
“Has there been any new news?” Owen asks.
I called him a couple of days ago, knowing he’d have my ass if I didn’t tell him about Molly.
I look down at Molly’s hand and trace her knuckles. “No. Nothing yet.”
“Hell,” he mutters. “I’m sorry.”
Laying her hand gently on her stomach, I get up and walk over to the window. Even being this far from her stresses me out, but I need to stretch my back and legs. I turn and lean against the windowsill.
“How was Hawaii?”
I try for something normal, anything to distract me for a few minutes.
Nina smiles softly as she looks up at Owen with twinkling eyes. He winks at her. “It was magical, and we hated to leave, but it’s also nice to be back.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “I took Molly there for one of our anniversaries a few years ago. I practically had to drag her away.” I frown and look down at my shoes.
No more anniversaries.
No more I love yous.
No more kisses or snuggles.
I break myself from the gripping thought, determined to at least try to enjoy seeing Owen and Nina again.
“How was the business while you were gone? Did Martin take care of things like you hoped?”
“Yeah.” He drapes his arm around Nina’s shoulders. “I was pleased with his management skills. He even managed to sell a piece that’s been sitting on my wall for months.”
“Glad it worked out. You were brave as hell leaving him to manage things. The kid can’t be older than twenty-five.”