He grins. “Twenty-three, actually. But he came highly recommended by Professor Steiner.”
Professor Steiner is one of his old art professors from Pratt Institute. They became pretty close during Owen’s time there.
Nina keeps shifting anxiously under Owen’s arm while he and I talk about his art studio and my taking a break from Bradshaw Designs. After she switches from one foot to the other for the tenth time, I look at them both.
“Okay, something’s going on. What is it?”
Nina looks away from me, her happy expression falling slightly. Owen looks nervous as his eyes flicker over to Molly before coming back to me.
“We weren’t sure if we should tell you…,” he trails off, clearing his throat.
I look from Nina back to him. “Just spit it out, man.”
They both glance at each other before Owen spits out, “Nina’s pregnant.”
His words give me pause. Not because I’m not happy for them, but because it was so unexpected. They’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while now. The last I heard, they had just gotten the results back that Owen’s swimmers were few and far between and they were thinking about trying artificial insemination. I’ve been so wrapped up in Molly the last several months that I’ve neglected to ask if they’ve decided to do it. Which makes me a shitty friend.
“First, screw you for thinking you shouldn’t tell me.” My grin is brittle as I move toward them. “Second, congratulations.”
He chuckles as I pull him in for a man hug and slap his back. I give Nina a tight squeeze next.
“Thanks,” she says, her smile miles wide.
“Guess artificial insemination was the way to go?”
“Nope.” He smirks cockily and winks down at his wife. “The quantity of my swimmers may be low, but apparently, they were determined.”
“I’m happy for you both. Molly would be too.” I clear my throat. “You’ll be great parents.”
I truly am happy for them. Any time the subject of babies was brought up, I could see the disappointment on both of their faces. I’m glad they’ll get to experience that spectacular part of life. They deserve it.
The conversation becomes stilted for a moment, then Owen asks quietly, “There’s nothing they can do for her?”
“No,” I grunt, my tone flat.
“I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this, but I’m so damn sorry.”
I nod.
“If you need anything, we’re only a phone call away.”
I nod again.
We spend a few more minutes talking before they take off, promising to stop by again in a couple of days.
I go back to Molly’s bed and move the chair, which has a permanent impression of my ass, closer to her bed. Leaning back in the seat and with my feet propped up on the end of her bed, I grab Molly’s hand and lace her fingers through mine.
Chapter Thirty-Three
LINCOLN
I pull up to Nancy and Douglas’ house the next day, turn the car off, and get out. The front door to their house opens and Gemma’s barreling down the steps before I even have the car door shut. She face plants against my stomach, wrapping her arms around my waist. Bending, I scoop her up into my arms. I’ve missed smelling her little girl scent and hearing her childish giggles. It’s been too long since I’ve experienced either of them. I’m afraid it’s going to be a long time before I hear the latter again.
The seashell necklace around her neck catches my attention. Sadness nearly cripples me just looking at it, but it also warms my heart.
“How’s Momma?” she asks, her voice small and woeful.
“She’s the same, baby.”
I hate the answer I’m forced to give her. I hate even more the tears that spring to her eyes.
“Are you coming to take us home?”
“Not yet, but I am here to see you and Gray for a while. After that, I’m gonna go back to the hospital to be with Momma.”
Her bottom lip wobbles. “But I wanna go home. That’s where it smells like Momma.”
Her words send my heart through a meat grinder. They also show me what I’m doing to my children. Which is something I know Molly wouldn’t want. They need me—my comforting touch and words, my arms around them, protecting them, consoling them during the most difficult time in their lives. And I need them just as much. They’re half of Molly, the most important parts of her.
I feel like I’m being torn in two different directions. How do I choose between being with Gray and Gemma or staying by Molly’s side?
I think about Molly and what she would want me to do. I know in my heart what the answer is. She’d beg me to not leave the kids alone. She’d tell me they needed me more than she needs me right now and demand I be with them rather than her. Molly could be in a coma for months. I can’t be away from the kids that long.
As much as it hurts, I know what I have to do.
I tuck a piece of hair behind Gemma’s ear, which is not in pigtails for the first time in a long time.
“How about this? You, me, and Gray spend a few hours together today. Then the three of us go visit Momma for a little while before we go home for the night?”
“Can me and Gray sleep with you?”
“If that’s what you both want.”
“Okay,” she says.
I pull her closer for a tight hug and promise against her ear. “From now on, I promise I’ll be around more.”
She nods against my neck. “Okay.” She pulls back and gives me her beautiful green eyes, her mother’s eyes. “But can I go with you sometimes to see Momma?”
“You sure can. I know Momma would really like that.”
Setting Gemma down, we walk up the steps. I reach for the screen door, but it’s pushed open before I can. Gray’s standing there, his expression the same somberness as Gemma’s.
I smooth my hand over his head. “Hey, Son.”
“Hey, Dad.” His Adam’s apple, which he just started developing a couple of years ago, bobs. “Are there any changes with… Mom?”
I shake my head, moving my hand to his shoulder to give it a squeeze. “I’m so sorry, Gray.”
He nods, dropping his head to look down at his feet.
If there were any possible way to take this pain away from my kids, I would in a heartbeat.
The kids and I find Nancy and Douglas in the kitchen. Nancy is setting down a plate filled with chicken wraps when she spots us entering the room.
“You’re just in time. We were getting ready to sit down for lunch.”
I don’t have an appetite, but I know I need to eat.
“Thanks, Nancy,” I mutter, pulling out the chair across from Douglas.
She pats my shoulder as she passes by me. “It’s good to have you here.”
I nod my acknowledgment. I still hate being away from Molly. Even now, I feel like I’m going to break out in hives, but I push the uncomfortable feeling away.
Gray and Gemma take their seats. It’s strange how quiet everyone is. Usually, when we visit Nancy and Douglas, there’s boisterous laughter, and there’s always someone talking at the table. But then again, Molly is normally with us. It doesn’t feel right to not have her here now. Unfortunately, this will become our new normal.