“You’re serious about this?” he asked softly.
She finally met his gaze, her facial tics doing a little dance. “I know it’s…unexpected. But once the idea got in my head, it started sounding more and more like an…elegant solution.”
“An elegant solution.” He hid his smile. This woman could be damn adorable.
“Yes.” She shrugged a shoulder, the movement tight and self-conscious. “You’re going through some stuff and are on the rebound, and you don’t want the strings that come along with relationships. But I’m guessing sex is still something you would like to have on occasion?”
“I’m twenty-five and male. So, pretty solid assumption.”
“And I want that, too, but I’m not ready to tackle the dating scene,” she said, not pulling her wrists from his gentle grip. “There are so many paths to navigate with that. Even Andi, who’s literally the most socially comfortable person I’ve ever met, is struggling with dating. I’ll drown. I just want to…practice with a guy I’m comfortable with who, you know, happens to be really hot.”
His eyebrows lifted. “You think I’m really hot? Not just standard hot?”
She groaned and tilted her head back. “You are the worst. No fishing for extra compliments, Deares.”
“Hey, if you’re not going to tell me how great I am in bed, this deal is off,” he said in a haughty tone. “I expect effusive praise before, during, and after, preferably at high volume so the neighbors can hear.”
She shoved him in his shoulder, his fingers still around her wrist. “You’re teasing me. You think I’m ridiculous.”
“No, I think you’re ridiculously sexy. And brave. And I think the universe might possibly be paying me back for the early years.” He released her wrists and stepped back to give her a little space. “But I want to make sure I understand what you’re proposing here. You’re talking a friends-with-benefits kind of situation?”
Her forehead scrunched. “Sort of. But maybe a little more…instructive? Like role-playing. Or a dress rehearsal for the real show.”
After his mind took a brief jaunt to a very dirty place at the word role-playing, her meaning sank in. “Like improv for dating?”
She cringed. He couldn’t tell if it was a tic or a reaction. “That sounds so weird.” She shook her head and pushed away from the counter. “Maybe I am ridiculous. Let’s just forget we had this talk, mmkay? I’ve hit my pathetic-meter limit for the day. Can we just get to the improv games and pizza?”
This was a bad idea. Not a ridiculous one—a perilous one. He was not prepared for this. Monique had already warned him not to get involved with Hollyn. He had yet to meet a relationship he couldn’t destroy or that wouldn’t destroy him. He didn’t want to hurt her.
He should let her run.
Run, Hollyn, run.
He grabbed her hand.
Chapter Sixteen
Hollyn was ready to bolt and leave a Hollyn-shaped hole in the door. This had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that she’d said everything out loud and had seen the shocked look on Jasper’s face, she realized how bent she sounded. Mary Leigh was going to have a field day with this one in their next session. So what’d you do this week? Oh, just shamelessly threw myself at a guy and asked to use him for sex.
She tried to stride past Jasper, but he grabbed her hand as she passed, halting her. “Hey.” He tugged her back closer, his hazel eyes intent. “Don’t run. I was clarifying, not criticizing.”
“You don’t have to—”
He leaned down and touched his lips to hers, effectively shutting her up with the soft press of his mouth. Her body went still and hot, and she forgot to close her eyes.
He pulled back and smiled a half smile. “I’m in.”
She released a sharp breath, her heart hammering, her body just catching up to the kiss. “You are?”
“Yeah.” He pulled her against him, linking his arms around her waist and giving her a very serious, un-Jasper-like look. “I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert at dating rituals. And I blow at relationships. Awards could be given for how bad I am at them. But if you mean you want to practice feeling comfortable around someone, flirting, kissing, touching…” His gaze tracked over her face. “Sex, if that’s where it leads.”
If that’s where it leads… Her blood was pumping, her nipples sensitive against his chest, and her skin warm in all the right places. Her body was already leading that particular parade straight to the bedroom.
“Then, yes, I’m game. Very happily game,” he said. “I just…don’t want to risk hurting you. This won’t—can’t—turn into anything more than a friendship.”
She nodded, truly listening. Her mother had once told her that people tell you who they are if you listen closely. Jasper was telling her he was a leaver. She had to be okay with that. “I know. I’m not here for that. This isn’t some bait and switch.”
He gave her a rueful look. “I’m saying that as much for myself to hear. I have my own confession.”
Her brows lifted. “Oh?”
“Yep. Truth be told, I’ve never done the casual hookup thing.”
She scoffed. “Don’t bullshit me.”
He held her eye contact, no jest there. “No bullshit. Blatant honesty night, right?”
She nodded.
“I’ve gone on dates with people that didn’t turn serious, but when I start sleeping with someone, I see it as a relationship.” His fingers absently traced a circle on her lower back, sending tingles along her spine. “I mean, I tried once. I had a one-night stand when I was in college. She snuck out after I fell asleep—pretty standard operating procedure in college. But the way I felt when I woke up…” His fingers stopped moving. “Well, it felt like shit. I knew I didn’t want to do that to anyone else. And I didn’t want to experience feeling left like that again.”
Feeling left. The words made her think of what he’d said about his birth parents and his foster homes. Suddenly, it made sense. Sure, Jasper was charming and a performer and could probably have a regular rotation of one-night stands, but constantly saying goodbye would take its toll. Feeling abandoned would feel too familiar. He’d had a lot of goodbyes. A lot of people had turned him away. She pressed her hands against his chest. “I get that. And if this feels like that, then please—”
“It doesn’t,” he said. “This feels like…two friends helping each other out. Like”—he gave her a playful look—“an elegant solution.”