Nicolas arrived early the next morning. The girls threw themselves into her arms. She had hot chocolate ready for them, and offered Nicolas coffee. He took a cup from her with a smile. It felt good to see her, and was warm and familiar. He had missed her. He always did now.
The girls bounded around the apartment, happy to be home, and Nicolas lingered for a few minutes. She came back to the kitchen, while the girls settled in. She loved having them home, the apartment always seemed empty to her when they were with him.
“Laure is going to be an amazing skier one day,” he said with a smile. “She’s fearless. Sylvie is more cautious, and sensible. She’s more like you. Laure will probably throw herself off a lot of cliffs one day. Like me.” He hesitated, and then looked at her seriously. “I know we have our date at the notaire in a week. I just want to check in with you…is that what you really want? A divorce?” She nodded. She wondered if he was going to try to fight her on it now. She hoped not. She wanted to get this behind her, the last of their painful memories. She wanted closure. Olivia had told her it was for the best and she’d be glad she did it. Nadia wondered how she felt about that now, with Harley walking out on her. Nadia suspected she was probably asleep. It was early in New York. She hoped Olivia had heard from Harley by now.
“Yes, it’s what I want,” Nadia confirmed to Nicolas. “It’s not how I wanted our life to turn out. But it did, and we have to face it.”
“Why? Why can’t we turn it around and try to fix it?” he asked. Nadia knew she’d feel like a fool if she did, and everyone would think less of her for it, if she put up with what he’d done and went back to him now. And she didn’t want to.
“The divorce is the right thing for a lot of reasons. Most of all, because I’d never trust you again. I don’t want to live like that. Nor would you. You’d feel like a criminal on parole,” she said seriously.
“I could live with it. Maybe one day you’d forgive me,” he said hopefully.
“I doubt it.”
“Have you tried? To forgive me?” She shook her head in answer.
“No, I haven’t. I’ve put all my energy into getting over you, not forgiving you,” she said honestly.
“That’s not very nice of you,” he said, looking hurt and boyish, which was so Nicolas. It was the part of him she loved, and also that infuriated her at other times.
“What you did wasn’t ‘nice,’ ” she reminded him, and he looked embarrassed, and nodded. It had been hideous, and agonizing for her. Crushing.
“I thought you were more French than that,” he said ruefully, and she laughed. He was ridiculous at times, which she had loved about him.
“It turns out I’m not. I thought I was more French too, but not on this subject. I don’t want a husband who has a mistress, or a little quickie affair to break up the boredom of marriage from time to time, or a big affair, which breaks my heart.”
“I was never bored with you,” he said, serious again. And she was never bored with him either.
“And it was no little fling,” she reminded him. “It was a wild, passionate, crazy love affair, all over the press, and you had a baby with her. It couldn’t have gotten much worse.” He hung his head, knowing he couldn’t argue with her. He felt deeply remorseful for what he had done, even if it was too late now, which it seemed to be for her.
“I just don’t want us to end in divorce,” he said so sadly that it tugged at her heart. She didn’t want it to either, but there seemed to be no other right answer. “That’s so ugly and so sad, and so final.”
“I don’t feel like I have any other choice,” she said, and he could see he couldn’t sway her. She couldn’t forgive him. He had wanted to give it one more try before they met at the notaire a week later. If there was any chance at all of turning the tides, he wanted to try and convince her while he saw her face-to-face. He had nothing to lose now, but he could see that she was immovable on the subject. He had pushed her too far, and been too foolish, even heartless, with what he’d done. Now he had to face the consequences. He had lost her.
He didn’t let her see the tears in his eyes when he left.
* * *
—
Venetia called her at 8 a.m. in New York. “Olivia found out where he’s staying,” Venetia filled her in. “He’s at the yacht club.”
“Did he call her?”
“No. She checked, and he’s registered there. He still hasn’t answered any of her calls and texts. She had an anxiety attack last night and had to go to the emergency room. She’s okay now, they gave her a Xanax.”
“How is she explaining this to Will?”
“She told him that it’s work-related, that she has a big trial starting tomorrow, which isn’t true. And that Harley is in Washington for a conference that starts tomorrow. Apparently Will called him and he confirmed it, and he’s talking to him.”
“That’s something at least. God, what is she going to do if he leaves her?” Nadia asked, worried about her.
“She’ll get through it. You did,” Venetia said simply. “I hope he doesn’t, but he might. He’s a very old-school guy. He deals with criminals every day, and hands down sentences and punishments. So I guess that’s what he’s going to do here.”
“She’s not a criminal, for chrissake,” Nadia defended her. “She did something really stupid, and yes, she told a terrible lie. But did it really hurt him in the end? Or Will? This is not a hanging offense.” Why did life have to be so harsh and cruel at times?
“Maybe to him it is,” Venetia said, and Nadia sighed. “How are the girls?”
“Happy to be home. They had fun with Nicolas but they seemed thrilled to see me. I am too.” She smiled. “But I had a nice time with you.”
“Did you see him when he brought them back?” Venetia asked her.
“Yes.”
“How was it?”
“Sad. He gave it one last stab before we sign the final agreement next week. He still wants us to get back together. I can’t.”
“Let me ask you something,” Venetia said, sounding matter-of-fact. “Do you still love him?”
Nadia hesitated. “That’s beside the point. Yes, I still love him. I probably always will. He was my first love. That doesn’t die overnight or maybe ever. If he were dead, I’d still love him. But it’s over. It’s not a viable marriage. He’d probably do it again.”