“Then you leave him again. I just don’t see why you want to divorce him, if you still love him. Maybe you could breathe life into your marriage again after all.” Venetia was always the most practical among them, Athena the most compassionate and forgiving, and Olivia by far the toughest and least forgiving. It was ironic that she was in the situation she was in now, begging her husband for forgiveness for her own crimes, and not being forgiven so far.
“What about my self-respect?” Nadia countered. “Do you realize what an ass I’d look like? My husband had the most publicized affair in recent history, has a child with someone else, and I take him back? Everyone would think I’m an idiot.”
“No, they’d think you love him. And who cares what people think? Do you really give a damn about that? Nadia, if you love him, you have to think about it, for your sake, not just his.”
“He has to be held accountable,” Nadia said insistently. She had gotten tougher since it happened. It had made her stronger, which wasn’t such a bad thing. And more decisive. She wasn’t as soft and shy and accommodating as she’d been before.
“Then make him wear a hair shirt or something, or put him in shackles. He was a good husband for a long time, and you’re great parents together. What he did was terrible, but I suspect he loves you. If this is fixable and you love each other, you should think about it. Think about Olivia. She’s a hanging judge. She kept pushing you to divorce him right from the beginning. What if Harley does that to her now? What do you think about that? Do you think he should forgive her?” Nadia was silent for a moment, considering it.
“Olivia’s deal was more of a sin of omission about Will, rather than the cheating part. Nicolas’s sin was insanely, flagrantly outrageous. He made a complete fool of me!”
“Is that what you care about, that he made a fool of you?” Venetia asked her.
“No.” Her voice was a low growl of pain. “He broke my heart. That’s what I care about.”
“So do I, for you. I hated him for what he did to you. But hearts can be mended. Not always, but sometimes. That’s what you need to figure out before you end it forever. Can your heart be mended? Only you know. I guess that’s what Harley is trying to figure out right now too. You two have a lot in common.” Nadia hadn’t thought about it like that. Venetia always had a way of presenting things to her in a way that made sense. She was hoping, for Olivia’s sake, that Harley would forgive her, because she didn’t want her sister to be hurt. But she was guilty too. She had lied for fifteen years. Nicolas hadn’t. The two cases were both similar and different.
They promised to stay in close touch about Olivia, and hung up a few minutes later. Venetia had given her a lot to think about. She thought about it all day while she was with the girls and lay awake considering it for hours that night. And in the morning when she woke up, she knew what she had to do. She was going to divorce Nicolas. She was sure. Accountability. She couldn’t let him off the hook. He had hurt her too much. She wondered if Harley felt that way about Olivia too.
Chapter 13
Olivia continued calling and texting Harley day and night for three days. She left a letter for him at the yacht club, pouring her heart and soul out, begging his forgiveness. He didn’t respond to that either. She heard nothing from him.
On Friday, at lunchtime, she walked to the federal courthouse on Centre Street after she adjourned her own court. She walked into his chambers, which were open, waiting for him to leave the bench and call a recess for lunch. She was sitting quietly in a chair when he walked in and gave a start when he saw her. His face was expressionless and unreadable. He didn’t look happy to see her.
“I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to see you. You haven’t answered anything,” Olivia said grimly, her face sheet white.
“I was thinking…deliberating.” He sat down at his desk, to keep his distance from her. He looked tired, and she could see the toll it had taken on him. He seemed five years older in just a few days. She was thinner and pale too. Having him walk out on her was the most terrifying thing that had ever happened to her. “Why did you come here?” he asked her coldly.
“I came for sentencing, Your Honor,” she said, and he didn’t smile. Normally, he would have.
“Sentencing happens thirty days after conviction, Counselor. Or have you forgotten that? Along with decency, morality, honesty. I expected more of you, Olivia.” He sounded like her law professor again, and she had clearly gotten an “F” in Marriage. She couldn’t debate the point with him. She had lied to him. A terrible lie.
“I have no defense, Your Honor, except youth, stupidity, and fear. I didn’t want to hurt you, or lose you,” she said, standing in front of him, as she fought back tears. He didn’t appear moved by them. He was every inch a judge as he spoke to her, in all senses of the word. He had judged her, and found her behavior criminal.
“You managed to do both. Lose me and hurt me. You just postponed it by fifteen years by not telling me.”
“I probably should never have told you,” she said miserably.
“No, you should have been honest right in the beginning.”
“What would you have done?”
“I probably would have divorced you then. And missed out on fifteen great years with you. So maybe you were right not to tell me. It doesn’t change anything for me with Will. He’s my son in every way that matters. But how do I trust you again? What else have you lied about that you haven’t told me?”
“That’s the only thing. I didn’t want to lie about it anymore. So I told you the truth.”
“And what did you think I’d say?”
“I was hoping you’d forgive me,” she said in a small voice.
“I don’t know if I can.” She nodded and didn’t argue with him. He was staring at her long and hard from the other side of his desk. “How could you look at me every day and lie about something so important? I thought you were an honest woman.”
“I am,” she said with tears brimming in her eyes. “And I didn’t lie to you every day. I made a terrible mistake. I was young and stupid. Maybe I should have had an abortion when I wasn’t sure who the father was, but I didn’t want to do that either, in case he was yours. After the amnio and the DNA test, it was really too late. I was five months pregnant.” And neither of them favored abortion.
“Thank God you didn’t. Will is the best thing that ever happened to us. And he’s nearly a genius. Whoever his father is, I love Will as my son.” She nodded. She knew that. “I need to think about this.”
“I love you, Harley,” she said softly. “I don’t suppose that makes a difference to you now. I’d plead for clemency, but I guess I don’t deserve it.” She turned away to leave. She could see that she wasn’t going to convince him. She had said what she needed to, and it was obvious that he couldn’t forgive her. As she walked to the door, she didn’t see the tears roll down his cheeks, or see him brush them away.