Introduction
Sometimes love is messy.
In exchange for some witchy powers, Ashley promised the Devil her firstborn, but when the time comes to pay her due, she has nothing to give.
With Lucifer insisting that she fulfill the terms of her contract, Ashley turns to Grim Dating for help. There’s only one problem—they’re having a hard time finding her perfect match.
Which is where Derrick comes in.
He’s the company’s problem solver; however, even he has no idea how to get a prim and proper witch to let loose. Frustration leads to him kissing her, but he never meant to seduce her.
…or fall in love.
However, his witch isn’t interested in more than a one-night stand. And when an angel gets involved, the reaper realizes he’d best do a better job of sweeping Ashley off her feet.
Or risk losing her forever.
For more Hell books featuring Lucifer’s meddling, check out The Welcome to Hell series (available in ebook, print and audio)
Lucifer is taking his matchmaking to the next level by sending his minions on a cruise. Get ready to giggle your way through ~ Jane Davey’s Locket.
Prologue ~ Lucifer
“You stink. Yes, you fucking do,” the Devil crooned to his son as yet another nappy got tossed down a chute for incineration. He never left anything with bodily fluids lying around. Used tissues, sweaty clothes, everything got cleaned or eradicated, both for him and his children.
Some people out there would do anything to harm the Baphomet family. They’d die for trying, but given that Lucifer already had his hands full, he didn’t need to be hunting down potential assassins, torturing them for their temerity, and making the entire event a public spectacle to curb others contemplating insubordination.
Although, he did look forward to when the dangers threatening his reign slowed down so he could test out a few new punishments he’d devised.
As to why he was the one wiping exploding asses? His wife—a word that still curled his lip. Really, the Devil being married? It went against the natural order, as did monogamy—insisted they care for their children themselves.
No nanny. Or house trolls. No robots, even. The entire child-rearing process was to be handled exclusively by family. Lucifer got the shitty job of diaper changes mostly because Gaia declared they took after him, meaning they were extra foul when things came out the back end.
Chips off the old demon they were, his young son and daughter. His pride and joy. Not yet his favorites, though. Of his four current children, he was still most fond of Muriel. But she didn’t have much time for her father these days. She claimed she was busy with a kid of her own and five lovers.
Lucky cow. Stupid monogamy. It wasn’t a Baphomet tradition. While he was stuck going against his nature, his eldest children were enjoying orgies.
Or at least Muriel was. He wasn’t sure what the fuck was going on with Bambi.
His eldest living child, Bambi, was a proper daughter. Respected her father but sinned and fucked every chance she got. It was a miracle she’d turned out so well. He’d only gotten custody of her when her mother died. By then, she was already in awe of him, meaning he never achieved the same kind of bond with her that he had with Muriel.
He’d raised her pretty much since birth and had been a single dad for a while when her mother disappeared on them. Gaia had her reasons. He forgave her after she promised blowjobs every time she lost her temper and launched a category four or five hurricane.
Wouldn’t you know they’d just had the mildest season on record?
She’d tricked him. Wily wench. And she thought she’d fooled him into agreeing to care for their children.
As if. He’d known exactly what he’d agreed to. To be honest, he was quite intrigued by his son—even if he shat and puked and cried all the time. Junior had already shown an interest in demolishing the world, his baby feet smashing the diorama Lucifer kept in his office. Building blocks went flying as thousands of hours of effort were destroyed by a Godzilla baby. Junior capped it off by swallowing one of the figurines. It eventually got shat out while Lucifer was giving the little fucker a bath.
Ah, the potential in that child. Yet it wouldn’t be Junior who eventually terrified the mortal world and the realms in between. The Devil had a—
“Da!” Junior yanked on Lucifer’s goatee, hard enough to pull out some hairs.
“Little bugger. It’s bedtime.”
“No!” Another word the not-even-knee-high terror was known to overutilize.
“Hate to break it to you, my little destroyer, but I’m in charge.” For the moment, at least. The future was murky regarding how long that would last.
Lucifer huffed some smoke in the child’s face, which brought a smile to Junior’s lips.
“Da. Da.” His eyelids drooped, and Lucifer ignored the twinge of guilt.
Yes, he’d promised Gaia that he’d rock the boy to sleep and not use his power. But the Devil had things to do. People to see. He didn’t have sixty minutes to spend rocking—not to mention that hour turned into six at least, given he had a tendency to give in to snoring before his son.
No napping today.
Lucifer placed his boy in the reinforced crib with the cage on top. It only took Junior escaping once and being found in the dragon den for Gaia to agree that they needed something. The Devil’s son could achieve much mischief when inspired, and this even though Luc had already restrained the child’s magic. It would remain bound until he reached a certain age, and then the hormones would lead to the unlocking of it. In other words, sex would set it free. Luckily, Lucifer had a while before he had to worry about Junior coming into his power.
With his boy sleeping, he only had Jujube to deal with. Not the baby’s actual name, but the one he liked best given his daughter looked like a bonbon. Pink and delicious. She still had that new baby smell he enjoyed so much. The cutest ticking bomb.
Literally. He held the most dangerous thing to the future. Killing her now would prevent so much. Avert the deaths of millions. He could save the world.
At this age, she had few defenses. It would be easy; however, Lucifer wasn’t one to take the path of least resistance, especially not once he saw the potential inside her.
She would one day pose a true threat to his life and throne.
Save yourself. Don’t be dumb this time. You know how this ends. Finish it now.
She blinked the longest, darkest lashes at him, and her perfect rosebud mouth stretched into a smile.
She grinned at her father.
Lucifer held her in front of him and crooned, “Who’s my sweet baby girl? What a beautiful girl. Daddy’s hellion.” He tucked Jujube close, and she snuggled her cheek against him.
For a moment, he thought about the prophecies that spoke of her coming. The stories and predictions that he’d been collecting and hiding for millennia.
She, whose coming was foretold. And with her arrival, chaos—which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
It had been a while since everything had devolved into pure anarchy. Ages since Hell had played freely on the mortal plane. It only ever happened when Lucifer’s brother turned his back on the world.