He squints at me. “Going on a trip?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Moving.”
“Oh.” He raises his eyebrows. “Zach didn’t mention anything to me about that.”
“Yeah, it’s just me.”
“That’s . . . interesting.”
“Interesting is what you say when you’re thinking something else and you don’t want to say it. Tell me what you really mean,” I say.
“Well, I’m just a little surprised, to be honest. One night I walk in on you two hooking up in the kitchen. Next thing I know, you’re moving out while Zach is on his trip to San Francisco. Seems odd is all. Is everything okay?”
I scrunch up my face defensively. “Yeah, of course. This was just a temporary arrangement here. Thanks, by the way.”
Andrew takes a sip of his coffee. “I’m not trying to pry, or get you in trouble, Harm. I’m just curious.”
My skin tingles a little at the fact that he’s calling me Harm. He must have picked that up from Zach.
“Coffee and a chat?” He arches an eyebrow and looks toward me.
“All right.” I shrug, taking a seat on the stool at the kitchen island.
Andrew turns to pour me a cup, and for the first time, I notice he’s a very attractive man as well.
His back muscles aren’t bulky, but they’re rippling.
I avert my eyes when he spins to give me my cup.
“Cream?” he offers.
“Yes, please.”
“Here you are.”
There’s an awkward pause, and I break it with, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t you get mad at us for using your home to hook up?”
He smiles gently.
“I don’t really care, to be honest. You two seem really happy. And hey—at least somebody’s using the space.” He laughs.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shrugs. “I mean, I don’t ever use it for that purpose. Hell, I don’t use any room for that purpose.”
A brick forms in my stomach. Aside from Andrew’s room, Zach and I have made good use of, well, just about every room in the house.
“That’s really noble of you. But why don’t you use it?”
Shaking his head slowly, he runs his thumb across his jaw. “I guess I’m sort of afraid of women, to be honest. The last girl I had, well, she was part of the reason I ended up in jail. She got me into some really bad habits. Drugs. I figure I’m better off being on my own. Staying closed off.”
Closing my eyes, I let the heat of the coffee cup seep into my hands and I inhale the rich coffee scent.
“You’re just like Zach,” I whisper, and then open my eyes wide.
I didn’t mean to say that out loud.
He squints. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I mean, Zach didn’t want to touch a woman before me. Have you—you know. Even touched someone?”
Andrew rubs his face and audibly blows out air. “This is making me a little uncomfortable.”
I nod. “Sorry. It’s just—I can tell you’re a great guy, Andrew. You’re sort of depriving the girls of Nashville of a really interesting catch.”
Sliding my hand across the island, I let it land on his.
He recoils at first, but he takes a few deep breaths and lets me keep my hand on his.
“Thank you,” he says, keeping his eyes down. “I really appreciate you saying that.”
“I’m being serious. Anyway, I should go.” Getting up, I grab my guitar. “See you around,” I say over my shoulder.
“Yeah. See you around.”
“Maybe next time I come over here you’ll have a girl.”
He shrugs. “Maybe.”
I let out a little chuckle as I head down the stairs.
Throughout my life, I’ve always considered myself the shy one.
But to know the problems guys like Zach and Andrew—guys who are outwardly big, muscular, and dominating—have on the inside is a weird sort of comfort to me.
Still, the barriers they put up is alarming. I feel like I’m hacking through a thicket of bushes to figure out what they’re really thinking.
Pulling out my phone, I think about texting Zach, but I hesitate.
I need to let him know about moving out first.
Chapter 27
Zach
On their patio, I try to keep calm while I sit across from my mother and her husband.
I don’t mind that my coffee has turned cold, because my appetite is nonexistent.
My mother is pretty, with brown hair and wise eyes. It’s been years, but she looks the same to me as she did when I saw her years ago, before my sentencing.
My back stiffens as the three of us eye each other without saying a word.
Her husband clears his throat. “Do you need anything else?”
I shake my head. So does my mom.
“I’ve got papers to grade, so I’m going to get working on those. I’ll leave you two. Let me know if you need anything.”
“So, honey,” she finally says, bringing her eyes up to catch mine. “How are you?”
My thoughts swirl with anger. “How am I? Are you serious?”
She plays with a pendant hanging over her heart.
“I’m just trying to make conversation. This is as awkward for me as it is for you. But if you’d rather skip the small talk, I understand.”
I roll up the sleeves of my button-down.
“Let’s just get to it then,” I say, doing my best not to let my voice shake. “Why’d you do it? Why’d you leave Blackwell?”
Closing her eyes tightly, she hesitates. A tear streams down her cheek. “Honey.”
Scooting her chair closer to me, she puts a hand on my shoulder. I recoil.
“I have a thing about being touched,” I say.
“Oh. Apologies.”
I settle back into my chair. “Go on.”
“Do you remember? I was heading down a bad path when I left. I couldn’t be a good mother to you all. I was depressed and I was getting into pills.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“I wasn’t in a good way, Zach. I was a young mom. Your dad wasn’t around. I didn’t
know what to do. And then I met Hal on a business trip and, well, I didn’t know what to do, Zach. I tried to help you and your sister, but it was worthless. The more I tried, the more I felt like I was no use. I knew you’d be better if your dad’s parents just raised you.”
My expression tightens, and I loosen my collar.
“So you just left? We could have helped you. We could have done something for you. It could have been different…”
Pursing her lips, she shakes her head. “No. You couldn’t have. I got to that point in life because I wasn’t able to fix myself—and definitely not in the same toxic environment where all my triggers were. I was barely being a mother to you two. I don’t expect you to understand this, but there was no other choice for me. But I thought about you two every single day. I wish it could have been different, too. But it couldn’t have.”
“You thought about my sister more than me, evidently.”