“Zachary, I’m a fake. A fraud. A phony.”
“What?”
“You thought I was this perfect person because I needed you to believe that. It’s who I thought I had to be.”
“I don’t understand. Why would you do that? What did you fake?”
I want to tell him everything, including that I never had an orgasm with him, but figure that’s just mean. “All those ways you just described me? Having everything together? It’s not who I am.”
“What are you talking about? Yes, it is.” His voice has a hint of frustration and anger to it that I’ve never heard before. I’m not surprised, though. He’s just found out the last few years of his life were sort of a lie. At least where I’m concerned, they are.
“Not entirely, no. I do like to have things organized, but not to that length. I was so tired of being alone and then we matched through the app and I was going through this phase because of new year’s resolutions where I was super on top of things. Then we met and we got along so well. I figured it was one of the things you liked about me because you talked about it all the time.”
“Because it was fucking overwhelming,” he growls, annoyed. “Do you realize how perfect you are? Or were in front of me, apparently.”
I hear the sound of a can opening in the background and figure he’s having a beer. Could be a soda, too, but something tells me he would want a little bit of alcohol at this point. I don’t blame him. If I wasn’t pregnant I would do the same. However, this conversation wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t pregnant, and I probably wouldn’t be pregnant if I hadn’t drunk too much that night.
“I didn’t at the time. It wasn’t until you mentioned it a few moments ago that I realized it. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever really been myself around any of the men I’ve dated. I’ve kind of just morphed into who I thought they wanted me to be.”
I don’t like admitting that to myself, much less out loud, but one thing’s for certain, I will not continue the pattern. Nik and I aren’t together, but we are going to be raising a child together and having lies between us is a disaster waiting to happen. I won’t do it. I can’t.
For my sanity, for the baby, for Nik.
Look at me, pregnant for five seconds and I’m already being responsible and thinking like an adult.
“Probably why none of your relationships worked out,” he says, not so gently. In fact, he sounds downright bitter and angry. “So, you’re telling me I was cat-fished?”
“Well… I mean, I guess? If that’s what you want to call it?”
“What else would you call it? You pretended to be someone else so that I would like you. Well, congratulations, Ashley. It worked.” He pauses and through the phone I can hear him guzzling down his beer, belching afterward and not even excusing himself. “That’s what you do, huh? Meet a guy, pretend to be someone you’re not so you can make them fall in love with you, then you make them so insecure because there’s absolutely no way they compare to your level of perfection until they eventually break up with you, making them the bad guy rather than you,” he spits out angrily.
Whoa. That was quite the leap. How did this day turn around so badly? I’m exhausted, the day has been way too long, and I’ve learned way too many things about myself. A big part of me wants to defend myself and tell him he’s wrong, but a bigger part of me knows that he’ll believe what he wants to believe. The only thing I can do is apologize and do it sincerely.
“I’m sorry. You deserved more from me.”
Zachary grunts and makes a sound of agreement but otherwise says nothing.
“Good luck with your pregnancy. I’m sure you’ll need it after shaking up your perfect little plan. Oh, wait. That plan was a lie, right?”
“Listen here,” I snap, having enough of the blame game. I might have not been the perfect person for him like I tried so hard to be, but I tried, which is more than I can say about him. He’s the one who liked me because of my perfection. He’s the one who didn’t think he was man enough to handle it. “I called you because I genuinely wanted to talk to a friend, something I thought you were. I know I messed up but guess what? You did, too. You cheated on me several times. And… the clincher? One of those times, that I know of anyway, was not just with a woman. You had a freaking threesome with other people while we were together. That’s on you. If you aren’t man enough to be with someone like me, then you should have bucked up and admitted it rather than being a jerk. Have a nice life, Zachary. Hopefully this is the last time we talk. Oh, wait, I do have one more thing to say,” I pause but not long enough for him to say his piece, “I faked every single orgasm, too. Learn how to please a woman. Or man. Whichever gender you’re into these days.”
“What the fuck?” he spits angrily.
“You heard me. In the two years we were together, you never gave me an orgasm. Not once. But the night I got pregnant? Multiple.”
My thumb presses down on the red END button so hard I’m surprised I don’t crack the phone screen and then I slam it upside down on the couch cushion, cover it with a throw pillow, and stomp out of the living room.
For good measure, I holler, “Jackass!” at the top of my lungs just in case there’s a possibility he can still hear me through the cell wires.
Chapter Eight
Nikolas
“How’d they take it?” I ask Ashley, hitting mute on the remote for the TV in the spare room. I came in here to take a nap. At least, that’s what I told Josie. In reality, I’ve been expecting Ashley’s call and wanted privacy when it came through.
It’s a little after noon on Christmas Eve and Ashley had texted me a few hours ago to let me know she was going in, rip the band-aid off style. Wish me luck! I had chuckled and, apparently, the smile on my face meant that my sister needed to read a lot more into that little laugh than she should have. I have a bad feeling that she’s going to be incredibly pushy and annoying through this.
“Excited. A little bit upset that I got pregnant with someone they’ve never met, even though they tried hard to hide it, but I could see it.”
“Can’t blame them,” I mumble.
“No. Neither can I.”
She sounds a little sad and for reasons I’m not willing to really dig into right now, I hate that I wasn’t there for her. I hate that she had to do this on her own. I should have offered to go along, even if it would have been a little uncomfortable or awkward.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I am.”
“You don’t sound okay.” I risk telling her. She doesn’t, though. She sounds like she’s been crying, her voice a little gravelly.
Ashley’s quiet for a few moments then sighs. “Honestly, I don’t know. My dad wasn’t thrilled, which is yeah, understandable and a little expected, but my older sisters are being kind of bitchy about it all. They’re rubbing it in my face that I was irresponsible, which is only stirring the pot and making it harder.”
I immediately don’t like her sisters. “Why is that? Don’t sisters normally stick together?”