“Of course not. We’ll pay you, if that’s what you’re worried about. Nik, too. I have the papers all drawn up.”
She’s talking to me like I’m one of her clients and we’re getting ready to make a deal.
“Papers?”
She reaches into her oversized bag and pulls out a Manila envelope, setting it on the table between us. I don’t touch it for fear that she’ll get the wrong impression, even though I want to set the envelope and its contents on fire. “For you to give up the rights to your baby, obviously. I mean, it wouldn’t work if you later tried to claim the baby as your own. Or Nik, either. That would be horrible. Can you imagine?” No. I can’t imagine any of this being real but she continues rambling on as if she didn’t try to rip my baby from my arms. “There’s little tabs for both of you to sign if you don’t feel like reading through all the legal stuff. It might be over your head.”
“Legal stuff,” I repeat, wanting to reach over the table to pull her hair. She’s never talked down to me like this before. It’s like she’s an entirely different person than the Grace that I know.
She seems unfazed by the fact that I can hardly breathe. “It’s just a legality, you know? Making sure that we’re covering our bases. Look, this might seem out of the blue to you, but if you sit and think about it, you’ll realize it makes a lot of sense. You’re worried about the money part, and I’m sure that Nik can’t help much there.”
“Where do you get off…”
She continues as if I didn’t speak, “And you’re not really mentally prepared to be a parent anyway. I mean, what are you going to do for a babysitter while you work? What about where you’re going to live? That house you’re renting is hardly ready for a baby to live in, not to mention…”
“Grace,” Lucy hushes her. “Enough.”
“Not to mention, what? You’ve gone this far, might as well bring it on home.”
Grace sighs as if I’m the one being a jerk right now. Like I’m inconveniencing her by making her finish her asinine speech.
“Grace?”
“Fine. You want me to say it? I will. You’re a mess, Ashley. You’re not mother quality. You got drunk and had a one-night stand and got pregnant. That says a lot about your character. You weren’t a good athlete in high school. You didn’t participate in band or choir. You just kind of floated along as if just attending school was enough.”
“Because I didn’t play high school sports or music that means I can’t be a mother?!” I screech.
“That’s not the only reason,” she says as if all logic isn’t completely gone from the conversation as I know it. “You’ve jumped from relationship to relationship your entire life, and now you’re pining over some lowlife who knocked you up.”
“Did you just call Nik a lowlife? What the fuck, Grace? Why are you being so nasty?”
“I’m not. I’m simply telling the truth here. You would be doing both yourself and this baby a favor if you’d sign the papers over to me and Samuel and let us raise him. Think of all that we can give him that you can’t. Vacations, the best private schools, a college fund to set him up so he doesn’t have to worry about paying for it himself. The nicest clothes and shoes so he doesn’t feel left out at school. Fees for all those sports clinics and camps and whatever else they do so they’re the best at each sport they want to be involved in. That’s expensive, you know. Have you thought about that? How you’re going to even pay for the stuff after you get him through diapers and formula and baby food? Do the right thing,” she says, pushing the envelope over to me. “I promise you we’ll be excellent parents. This is what we have wanted for a long time. The fact that I can’t get pregnant and you got pregnant so easily is a sign. It’s meant to be. Samuel and I, we need this.”
If I sit here any longer, I’ll say something I won’t be able to take back and I won’t stoop to Grace’s level. Rather than respond to any of her hate-filled lecture on how I’ve been a massive screw-up my entire life, I reach into my purse for my wallet, pull out thirty bucks, toss it on the table and stand up.
Without a goodbye to either of my sisters, I turn and walk away.
I keep my head held high and my tears at bay, not allowing either of them to see what Grace’s words did to me.
By the time I make it to my car, I’m trembling from head to toe.
My emotions are all over the place.
I’m so mad I can’t think straight. My fucking sister. Who the hell does she think she is? Adopt the baby? Where does she come up with this shit?
Years of being a selfish asshole, that’s where.
But I’m also so incredibly sad. How did she think I was going to take that? Why would she think I’m incapable of being a good — actually any type of — mother?
I’m not sure that anybody is truly ready to become a parent until the baby comes into their lives, but I know I’ll be a better mother than Grace ever could be. First of all, she never once mentioned love. She’ll buy the baby things. That’s all. If that’s her idea of being a good parent, I’m scared for when it does happen for her.
One thing I know for certain, though, is that she won’t become a parent because of this baby. I’ll be hard pressed to let her near him, even.
My phone rings and I take a deep breath before looking to see who it is.
With a shaky hand, I reach into my purse and pull it out, releasing a deep sigh when I see it’s Nik.
“Hey,” I answer.
“You alright?”
I’ve kept my tears held back until hearing his voice. Two words. That’s all I had to hear and my eyes are leaking like a damn sieve. “How’d you know?”
“Lucy texted me. Or, actually, Grant did. We exchanged numbers, you know? Lucy texted him and told him I needed to check on you immediately.”
“That was nice of her,” I mumble. It would have been nicer if she would have spoken up while Grace was being a monumental bitch earlier, but I guess better late than never.
“What happened?” he asks gently.
I swallow down my tears, not wanting my sisters to walk out of the restaurant and see me sitting here crying. I want to leave this parking lot with what’s left of my dignity intact and that won’t happen if I’m blubbering like an idiot. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Maybe you need to.”
I shake my head and start up my new SUV, cranking the air conditioning even though the temperature outside isn’t that bad. Still, though, I feel like I’m overheating. Likely because of the emotional turmoil I just suffered. The motor purrs as it sits idling. I have to give Nik credit. When he not-so-gently suggested this vehicle for me, he knew what he was talking about. I feel safe and secure and I know it will be much safer for the baby, too.
“Hang on a second.” I switch the phone over to hands-free quickly, one of my favorite features that I didn’t have on my old car. “Okay, I’m back.”
“Tell me what went down, Ash. I’m getting a little worried because I know Grace can be a bitch but usually Lucy just keeps her mouth shut, you know? If Lucy brought it up to Grant, that’s not good.”