When I meet her gaze, I know what she wants me to do. What I need to do.
Tracker’s gone. There’s no way he survived the type of gunshot he received. It was too close to his heart. Shit, it probably did hit his heart what do I know. I’m not a doctor or nurse.
“Turn it off, babe,” Raven whispers as she leans in to hug me. “You can get through this. Just flip the switch, just for a little while.”
“He’s gone, isn’t he?” I ask what I already know.
“We don’t know that, Vick. They have him in surgery right now. Harlow is in there with him assisting in the surgery right now with Doctor Torrez,” Raven murmurs as she pulls back enough to meet my gaze.
It should give me comfort to know Raven’s sister is with Tracker right now, but it doesn’t. Nothing will be the same again.
“Just shut it down, babe. You know your mind can’t take the overload,” Raven murmurs and I know she’s right.
Emotions make a person weak.
Closing my eyes, I imagine a box that I can shove all my emotions into leaving them there for a later time. In my mind’s eye, I close the box, sealing it shut.
I hope it won’t be forever but for now I can’t deal with these emotions knowing the one person I love the most is most likely never going to open his eyes again.
As I open my eyes, I meet Raven’s gaze and she knows I’ve done it. Giving me a sad smile, she nods her head and steps back. “Breathe and do what you need to do,” she says before turning to speak with Blaze who is staring over Raven’s shoulder toward me.
Glancing around the room I notice most of the men from the club are here standing close to me as they wait as well for word on Tracker.
Needing space to think I stand and make my way to the bathroom. I know I won’t be able to merely walk out of the door without someone with me.
As I pass Raven she mouths, ‘I’ll meet you later.’ She knows how I’m going to get my space. I mean she did teach me everything I know.
Giving her a slight nod before heading into the bathroom. Soon as the door closes behind me, I scan the room to find the best way to get up to the ceiling and remove a tile. Figuring out my options, I realize it will have to be climbing over the back of one of the toilets up to the top of one of the stall walls.
Sighing I step into one of the stalls thankful the bathroom is empty of anyone else. Locking the stall door I climb up to the back of the toilet and heft myself up to the top of the stall walls. Careful so that I don’t fall and hurt the one thing I have left in this world.
Mine and Tracker’s baby. Our baby boy.
For him and his father I will make whoever did this pay. They will not get away with killing the only person I’ve ever loved.
My mind goes blank of any other thought as I make my way into the crawl space, being careful to stick to the metal beams so that I don’t end up falling through into another room.
As I make my way I follow the ventilation until I get to what I’m looking for.
My exit out of here.
Sitting on the beam, I brace myself enough to lift my leg and kick the manhole cover open and crawl through.
The moment I step through the small hole I take a deep breath and tilt my head to the sky.
“It’s time to end this once and for all. No one fucks with my family and gets away with it. I’ll find you,” I whisper into the air.
Time to go home and face those who dare take from me. Everyone may think I’m weak because I’m a woman but what they don’t know is who I really am.
Not even Tracker knew.
After this they all will. I’ve only had to be this person a handful of times and now she’s here to stay.
I’m not called Silent Night for nothing.
Chapter Eighteen
Blaze
I’d been on the phone with Neo when it happened. I swear, I’d heard Victoria’s screams through the phone and my heart stopped, knowing something had happened to my brother.
I immediately jumped off the stool and rushed out of the clubhouse, ordering all my brothers to follow me as I headed for my bike. My gut tightened the entire way to Tracker’s. Nothing can happen to him. He's not just my brother but my best friend.
Running into his house, I felt my world falling around me.
I’m not one for crying and all that bullshit but seeing my brother laying there I wanted to do nothing more than fall to my knees. But instead, I sucked in a deep breath and went to take care of my brother’s ol’ lady as some prick shot off at the mouth with fucked up questions.
If I could have put a bullet in his head right then I would have done it without hesitation.
Getting Victoria to the hospital was a pain in itself. I’m not one for dealing with women and if it were anyone other than her, Rachel, or Momma B, I’d have gladly said fuck you, you’re on your own.
Those three are the only ones I have respect for. Not even Raven has that from me. Sure, she’s a great fuck and can make me want to pull my hair out, but respect is earned the same way trust is.
I’d been right to call her when we got to the hospital. Watching as she speaks quietly to Victoria, I wonder what she’s saying. The way Victoria closes her eyes for long moments only to open them and they almost seem dead.
Emotionless.
What the hell? I’ve never seen a woman with such cold eyes. Not even my ex-wife.
I keep my focus on Victoria as Raven comes over to me.
“Vicky will be okay,” she murmurs.
“You sure about that?” I ask, glancing at her before focusing back on my brother’s ol’ lady as she gets up and starts for the bathroom.
“Yeah, Blaze, she’ll be okay. Give her a minute to gather herself,” Raven says as she touches my arm. I don’t miss what she mouths to Victoria, but right now, I don’t have time to deal with it.
“Alright I need to call Stoney,” I announce as I back away from Raven’s touch. Something about her fucks with my head and I don’t need that shit.
Not right now.
Or ever.
I’ve had my fill of women causing my life to be fucked up. I’m not about to deal with any more.
As I make my way to the exit, I stop next to Shadow. “Keep an eye on Raven and Victoria when she comes out of the bathroom,” I order.
“You got it,” he says as he stiffens.
“Thanks, I’m gonna go call Stoney,” I say before continuing out the door.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I reach into the inside pocket of my cut and grab my cigs. Grabbing one, I put the thing in my mouth and lit it. As I find Stoney’s number, I take a deep breath and touch the little phone on the screen. Lifting the phone to my ear I wait for my Prez to answer the call. When he doesn’t answer the first time, I dial his back up phone.
“This better be important,” Stoney growls through the line and I can hear Rachel giggle.
“Tracker’s been shot,” I say getting straight to the point.
“What the fuck did you just say?” he snaps, and I know I’ve got his full attention.
“Tracker was shot this evening we’re at the hospital. No news yet but it’s not looking good. Fuck Prez the shot him in the back,” I rasp.
“How the hell did this happen?” he asks, rustling in the background I’m betting he’s getting ready to ride.