SARA: That’s a good question. One I don’t have an answer to yet. I can say that I’ve been giving it a lot of thought lately and I know that I want to make some changes in the near future. I love Kaylee dearly, but she’s already in kindergarten.
GABE: I’m guessing what sounds simple will be anything but. You’ve been with her for a long time. It will be rather traumatic for both of you to be separated, won’t it?
SARA: You have no idea. I can’t imagine loving my own child any more than I do her. I’ve been right there to see her grow from a toddler to an amazingly funny, sweet, and loving little girl. Frankly, it will be pure hell not to be with her every day. But . . . she also needs to form a closer bond with her parents and that won’t happen while I’m there fulfilling that role.
GABE: Ah, gotcha. They’re content to sit back and let you handle all of her care? Do you do anything else for them or is your job strictly looking after your niece?
SARA: Lol, oh, I am the nanny, maid, personal assistant, and any other title you can think of at one time or another. But that’s a whole different story.
GABE: I hear that. Guess that’s the risk of working for family. What do you do when you’re not working? You get time off, right?
SARA: Oh sure. I hang out with friends. Take some weekend trips and stuff like that.
GABE: Hey, Sara, sorry to be so abrupt, but I’ve gotta run. I have a meeting at the other end of the base in ten minutes. I’ll hit you up later. Have a great day.
SARA: You too, Gabe. Bye.
She was absurdly giddy at their real-time chat and sad to see it end. She found him so easy to talk to. Of course, the fact that they weren’t face-to-face took the awkwardness away, but still, there hadn’t been any long pauses on either end. The only time she’d even hesitated had been over the flat-out lie she’d told about her social life. It sounded so damned pathetic to admit that she didn’t have one at all outside of spending time with her cousin. I sit at home every night. My best friend is a five-year-old. It made her wish she hadn’t told him about the whole spinster episode. Because now she felt as if she had to avoid being seen in that light by Gabe. Which sucked, because she didn’t like the dishonesty. But she also didn’t want him to see her as some pathetic homebody who had absolutely no life. How could a man as accomplished and obviously driven as he was respect her lack of ambition? Since when is it a bad thing not to be a bed-hopping party girl? But wasn’t there a fine line between too much socializing and not enough? He almost certainly had a lot of friends considering how many people likely worked at his base back home. Probably no shortage of women around either. She still had no clue what he looked like, but she hadn’t been kidding about the wonder-camouflage. Women were drawn to men in uniform, be it policemen, firemen, or soldiers. Geez, am I actually jealous? I’ve never even met this man in person. I have no right to feel possessive about someone I don’t know.
Glancing at her watch, she was surprised to see that she’d been in Starbucks for well over an hour. She got to her feet and tossed her empty cup away before making her way out into the mall. As she was walking toward the first store, she couldn’t help thinking that everything seemed brighter this morning. Gabe had changed her life for the better in such a short amount of time. There was a spring to her step that hadn’t been there for years, and a happiness in her heart that had her smiling at everyone she passed. She knew she needed to keep things in perspective. Her connection with him was fragile and almost certainly temporary. The more attached to him she became, the harder it would be to lose him. Just thinking of it was tough enough. How would she deal with the reality when it happened? Because eventually it would. If nothing else, his deployment would end and he’d return to his real life. How long would he need a pen pal then? From what he said, there was next to nothing to do in the way of socializing where he was stationed now. So he was, in a sense, her captive audience. She was a distraction, and it was possible he was as intrigued by talking to a stranger as she was. But what about when the new glow wore off? Congratulations, you’re hereby promoted from spinster to Debbie Downer.
Screw it. For once she was going to go with the flow and see where it took her. It was too late to be cautious. Besides, being that way her whole life had gotten her exactly nowhere. She might end up getting hurt, but wasn’t that a part of living? Chloe had been hurt by her cheating ex, but she didn’t give up on life. Gabe had struggled through countless deaths and near-death experiences, she was sure, but he still wanted to serve more time in the Army. Both Chloe and Gabe seemed to believe in Sara, but ultimately it had to be belief in herself that made her want to change. So would she grab these moments of happiness and hope they were part of a road map that led her to the next chapter? Everyone had to start somewhere, and at thirty-five, she had a lot of catching up to do. If nothing else, she figured it was likely to be a hell of a ride.
Look out, world, it was Sara Ryan’s turn to shine.
Chapter Eight
He’d officially lost his mind—and if he wasn’t careful, his heart—to a woman he knew only online. When he described his new pen pal to Jason, he’d been regaled with tales of some television show called Catfish. He refused to look the damn thing up on YouTube, as Jason had laughingly urged him to do (after suggesting to him that Sara could actually be a Sam). When he’d shown him her picture, he shrugged and suggested she got it off the Internet. He’d been offended on her behalf. Why must everyone make good things into something ugly? It wasn’t the other man’s fault, though. It was Gabe’s for telling him in the first place. And no matter how much he wanted to discount everything he’d said, he hated the tiny niggle of doubt that was planted where there had been none.
They’d been talking multiple times per day for several weeks now, and it had become such a big part of his daily life that he couldn’t imagine not telling her good morning or asking about her day. And more than anything, he loved waking up to find a text on his phone waiting for him. It felt so good to have someone thinking of him. Whether she realized it or not, she was making a huge difference for him here. Hell, he’d even been asked a few times recently why he was smiling. One of his soldiers told him he hadn’t been aware he actually had teeth.
He wasn’t really concerned that much about appearances, but he damned sure wanted to verify that she was indeed a woman. You’re such a paranoid asshole. He hated himself for it, but thanks to Jason, he couldn’t quite get past the notion that he could be made a fool of fairly easily. So with that thought in mind and because he genuinely wanted to hear her voice, he had decided to suggest they FaceTime. They could stick to audio, or if she was okay with it, they could use video as well. Naturally he hoped she’d go for the second option just to put the whole thing to rest, but he could understand if she wasn’t ready for that step yet. He was a little nervous about it himself. A quick glance at his watch told him that Kaylee should be at school by now, so he typed a quick message to her.