How was I so fucking stupid?
Do you want me to go to her? Daniel texts me and I stop one block over from where she is. Where both of them are. So close, I can see the window of the store. The light is dim in the sheets of rain. So close, but so far away.
I should tell him yes. I should let him go to her. I bet she’d let him comfort her.
But I just want one last kiss. Just one more time before I let her go.
It’s all I want. Just one last kiss before I let her go.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Addison
“I don’t think I can breathe.”
“I’m not inside you right now, so you should be fine,” Daniel quips as the car door shuts behind us. He leaves his black Mercedes in the paved horseshoe driveway as we step up to the Cross estate. The stubborn asshole wouldn’t let me drive. The painkillers definitely helped him. But I’m looking forward to someone taking a look at him. Someone who knows what they’re doing.
“It’s different from the other house,” I state, ignoring Daniel’s joke and how easy this is for him. It’s not just different. It’s massive. They used to live in a small house off the backroads. This is…something else.
“Home looks different when you’re different,” he tells me and walks forward, leaving me standing in the shadow of the large white stone house. Is it even a house? It looks like a mansion.
“Who lives here?” I ask Daniel and he wraps his arm around my waist. “It’s for all of us.”
I haven’t seen any of his brother’s since the funeral and on that day, I couldn’t look any of them in the eye. I could barely speak to them. I could barely do anything because the guilt was so strong. My pulse quickens as he pushes me forward.
“I don’t know …”
“I know you can. And you’ll feel better when you do. Both of us will feel better when we go in there.” His eyes plead with me—not just to go in for him, but to be with him.
He holds out his hand for me, leaving it in the air until I finally grip on to him.
“Don’t leave me,” I whisper and stare into his eyes.
A tight smile is the response I get, followed by him leaning down to kiss me once on the lips.
His hot breath tickles my skin in the crisp fall air as he lowers his mouth to the shell of my ear. “I know this isn’t …” He trails off and I can hear him lick his lips. “This isn’t a fairytale. But there’s nothing for me in there if it isn’t also for you,” he finally says and then pulls back.
My heart clenches with a pain that I think I love. A pain of a shared past, but of knowing we can have a future together.
Standing in front of the estate, with his thin black cotton shirt stretched tight across his shoulders, a shade of black that almost matches the darkness in his eyes, how could I deny him?
“They know you’re coming. They know you’re mine.” He speaks with a conviction I feel in my soul.
It’s not the first part of what he said that comforts me. It’s everything in the second part.
I want to be his, and they know that I am.
I swallow thickly and ignore the churning in the pit of my stomach as we walk up the stairs to the entryway.
It’s safe. Everything is alright. I’m with Daniel.
The thoughts are comforting enough to give me the strength to breathe as he opens the large front door and leads me inside.
Each step is harder to take and I feel myself pulling away from him. I don’t want to face his brothers. I’m too afraid of what they’ll think. I’m afraid of their judgment and hate. Because I’ve only ever had love for them. Not the kind of love I had for Tyler, and not what I have for Daniel. But love nonetheless. They gave me a home when I had none. They were my family.
And right now … I can’t bear for them to send me away.
“It’s okay,” Daniel says and holds me in the quiet foyer. “It’s going to be hard at first. The memories are the hardest part, I think, and there are a lot between us all.”
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I admit to him, wiping under my eyes to see a blurry vision of mascara smeared on my fingertips. I sniffle and then wish I hadn’t come.
“We’ll have good days and bad days, like everything else. And if it gets to be too much, we’ll leave for a while, however long we need. We can go wherever you want to go. We don’t have to stay here. I’m fine as long as we stay together. All that matters is that you stay with me.” His eyes search mine as we hold each other.
I’ll stay with him. Daniel is where my home is. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’ve wanted you for far too long to not have you forever now.”
“I’m yours,” I promise him.
“You’ve always been mine.”
The sound of footsteps is drowned out by a voice that echoes down into the open space. It’s grand to say the least, but I can’t take it in. I can only watch two men walk into the foyer.
“Addison,” one of them says, catching me by surprise. It takes me a long time to realize it’s Jase. I almost cry when I do. He looks so much more like Tyler than Daniel does. They always looked alike. Daniel tightens his grip on me as my voice cracks. “Jase.”
I clear my throat as Jase stands tall in front of me.
“You look so different,” Jase tells me.
“You don’t,” I say quickly but then take it back. “I mean you do, but you don’t.”
He smirks down at me and runs his forefinger and thumb over his chin. “Funny, I don’t remember you being this shy.”
I can only shrug; I don’t trust myself to speak and I can hardly keep eye contact as I remember all the memories together. Jase and Tyler were close. The closest. And unless Tyler wanted privacy, Jase was there. Like an annoying brother.
Part of me is still aware that I’m holding on to Daniel with a white-knuckled grip. And that part of me wants to let go, so I can hug Jase.
“It’s good to have you home. Everyone else thinks so too, trust me.”
“Do you-” I falter and pick worriedly at the pocket of my jeans with the hand not being held firmly by Daniel. The questions I have are all begging to come out at once.
Do you hate me for leaving him?
Do you blame me for what happened?
Do you forgive me? That’s the one that lingers. That’s the only one that matters. “I’m sorry-” I start to say, but the words are tainted with a small cry.
“Addison.” A voice to my right startles me before I can gather the strength to chance the apology. “So how’d you get him back here?” a deep voice asks me and I know immediately it’s Declan.
Daniel pulls me in closer, planting a small kiss on my temple in front of both of them as we stand in the foyer. It’s all too much, but none of them seem taken aback. Neither of the brothers is looking at me as if anything is off.
As if I’m not a reminder of what they’ve lost. Not an outsider. Not an enemy.
My lips part and I’m not sure what to say, but I’m grateful. I’m so grateful that I’m welcome. And that I get to see them again.