Dallas
My hopes of taking Willow to the fair, so she’d change her mind about staying here blew up in my face.
All because me and my dick.
All because my lack of being laid.
And the fact that she looked so delicious, so damn sexy, sitting there, that I couldn’t stop myself. I nearly lost it when I felt how wet she was for me. I wanted to prove to her that I wasn’t an asshole whose mind was on my dead wife when I slept with her. I fucked up. I’ll be the one to blame when she packs up and leaves.
We’d started to break ground, begun building something, and then my dumbass took a wrecking ball to it. My night with her had been incredible. Touching her had been incredible. What I had done that morning was fucked up and is one of my biggest regrets.
I called her Lucy.
Humiliation and stupidity crack my core.
I don’t blame her for hating my ass and keeping her distance.
Had the roles been reversed, had a woman called me another man’s name in bed, I would’ve stepped away … and most likely kicked her out of my bed.
I want to change. To be the man who can rise through the flames stronger than ever, but I can’t.
That’s why what happened tonight scares the shit out of me.
My goal at the bar had been to drink away the pain, the memories. I hadn’t been searching for someone to talk to. Nowhere in my mind was the idea of having a one-night stand. It all took a turn when Willow spoke to me. My attention was all hers as soon as we had our first drink together. I wasn’t going to leave that bar unless it was with her.
Tonight has proven it wasn’t only a drunken attraction that brought us to my bed.
That fucking terrifies me.
Maven is passed out in the backseat, exhausted from going on every ride multiple times, and Willow hasn’t said one word since we got in my truck.
Man, I wish my daughter would wake up and start rambling about random shit like she usually does. I gear my truck into park when we arrive at Willow’s apartment and unclip my seat belt to open the door for her, but she’s faster than I am.
“Well, uh … good night,” is all she says before opening the door and jumping out of the truck like it’s on fire. “You don’t need to walk me up.” She slams the door, races up the steps, and goes inside.
I shut my eyes. “Good night, Willow,” I whisper even though she can’t hear me.
I wait to pull away until I see the light come through her windows.
I get Maven changed when we get home, tuck her into bed, and start to pick up around the house. If I slack on the housecleaning, my mom comes over and not only plays maid, but detective as well. She checks the fridge to make sure we’re consuming all the food groups and goes through my mail and underwear drawer.
I grew out of letting my mom make my bed over a decade ago—the reasons different now than before. I’m not stashing porn and condoms underneath my mattress. It’s more her searching for evidence that I’m getting laid or seeing someone. She’s resorted to leaving information about online dating and schedules of all the social functions happening in town.
No fucking thank you.
I finish cleaning up the aftermath of Maven’s sleepover with her stuffed animals last night. It happens when I go into my bedroom. I tried to hide all the pictures once. Picked them up and shut them away in the attic. Ten minutes later, I returned them.
I like to see Lucy when I’m having a bad day, when I need someone to understand me, when I need to tell her about all the crazy stuff our daughter does. I grab the picture from my nightstand and trace my fingers over her wedding dress, her tan face, her blonde hair, and then her pink lips.
“You always were the best at giving advice,” I whisper, setting the frame down to twist my wedding ring. “Tell me what I should do.”
I shut my eyes and remember her last words. Lucy knew what I needed before I knew it myself.
“Find someone to love,” she demanded.
“That’s not … that’s not possible,” I whispered.
“It is. I promise you, the day will come.” I opened my mouth to argue, but she placed her finger against the crack of my lips. “You might not see it now, but it will. Your heart will make the right choice to move on with someone who loves you and Maven. Don’t be scared, my love. Give it a chance. Heal and let her help you do it.”
I kiss my fingers, press them to her picture, and turn off my lamp.
Sleep doesn’t come to me.
Chapter Fifteen
Dallas
Maven grins at me with her gap-toothed smile, a clear sign she’s up to no good. Two bags are set at her feet, waiting for me to load them into my truck. “Daddy, I need your phone this week. Pretty, pretty please.”
“For what?” I ask.
“In case I need anything,” she answers in annoyance, as if it were a reasonable request for a six-year-old.
“Nice try. You’re not taking my phone to camp.”
She huffs and stomps her feet. I’ve already vetoed her iPad making the trip. Damn kids and electronics. They act like it’ll kill them to spend a weekend in the wilderness without Wi-Fi.
“What if I get lost in the woods and can’t find my way back?”
“I’ve pointed out the North Star to you several times.”
She frowns. “What if I see a big ole mean bear?”
I laugh. “Having a phone will be the last of your worries. If you see a bear, slowly back away, and don’t make eye contact.” I thought I wasn’t supposed to deal with this shit until her teenage years.
She crosses her arms and gives me her best pouty face. She knows how to pull at my heartstrings. Her perfected pouty face has landed her a gerbil, a goldfish, and the iPad.
“Don’t act like you won’t miss me,” I tease.
Her pouty face turns into an annoyed one.
“Now, grab your sleeping bag, and let’s get going,” I instruct.
This will be the longest we’ve been away from each other since Lucy passed. It was different when she was here. I lived states away, traveled frequently, and only came home a few times a month. I regret having that long-distance relationship. I thought I’d have more time, but it just goes to show you that time is never guaranteed. Live each moment and hug the ones you love because you don’t know what can happen tomorrow.
“What are you going to do when I’m gone?” she asks as I strap the seat belt around her.
“Work. Do grown-up stuff.”
I shut the door and jump into the driver’s seat. The camp is about an hour drive, and I made a playlist for us to enjoy during the trip since we have the no-electronics rule. Maven is going to hate it … at first because I usually let her listen to her teenybop bullshit, but I want to introduce her to something new today.
“One Direction, Daddy!” she yells as soon as we pull out of the driveway.
“Oh, man, I forgot to tell you.”
She scrunches her face up. “Forgot to tell me what?”
“Now that they broke up, their music can’t be played anymore. It’s banned.”
“Since when?”
“Yesterday. It was all over the news.” I peek back at her silence to see tears running down her face. This can’t be for real? “What’s wrong, May-Bear?”