Her driveway is long and her house sits on top of a large hill, meaning I've got a little bit of a walk ahead of me. Dozens of large oak trees line the property. After a solid three minutes of walking, I see a glimmer of light up ahead and I know I must be close.
The light from the porch becomes brighter and after another minute, I'm standing right in front of her house.
Then I see her.
But she's not alone.
I see the back of some other guy, one who's wearing a gray suit.
I can't hear what he's saying, but I watch as he gets down on his knees in front of her and grabs her hips.
His hands are all over her, touching her everywhere...then he leans in and lifts up her dress.
Since her panties are still on the floor in the living room of my apartment, she's fully exposed.
I'm less than a second away from charging full speed ahead and pummeling the asshole.
Then I hear her shout something that takes the breath from my lungs. “I love you, Ford.”
I quickly turn away and run back down the hill.
I'm running down the hill as fast as I can, so I don't go back and do something stupid...like beat the ever living shit out of an FBI agent.
An FBI agent she specifically told me wasn't in her life anymore.
He sure as fuck looked to be very much in her life...especially while he was positioning himself to go down on her.
I don't even know what to think at this point. The only thing I feel is betrayed, hurt, and lied to.
And I know...I lied to her, too.
But unlike her lie, my lie was to protect her from harm.
I've done nothing but try and be there for this girl...I didn't use her, intentionally hurt her, or betray her.
The question is...why the fuck did Alyssa feel the need to do all of those things to me?
I know she's got her demons...I saw them up close and personal tonight. I also know that she thought the world of her dad's old partner. I guess I know why now.
My chest tightens when I think about what she said. She loves him.
I made the mistake of falling for a girl who could never be mine because she already belongs to someone else.
My blood boils at the thought.
But if she loves him...why did she lead me on?
No. Fuck, no.
She wouldn't do that. It would be stupid and dangerous to do that.
I force myself to breathe. I have to remind myself that if Alyssa was in fact, attempting some undercover shit...then she wouldn't have told me about what DeLuca did to her dad.
Unless she made it up?
No. I saw the agony in her eyes that night when she confided in me. I felt it. There's no way that was false.
At least, that makes one thing she told me true.
Tyrone tried to warn me about her in the beginning. Hell, even Lou-Lou warned me about her. I just refused to listen. I didn't want to believe it.
I thought I saw something inside of her that called to me...connected us. Something I wanted to take care of. Something I would have cherished until my dying breath.
I pull the car door open and grab her purse from the passenger seat of the Mustang.
I'm sure as shit not going back up that hill, but I also don't want to have any of her stuff near me. I don't need to be reminded of what a deceitful bitch she is because I'm certain I'll never forget.
And because I'm feeling extra spiteful at the moment, I snatch the necklace I got her. I put them both on the hood of her car. Now, I have absolutely no reason to ever see her again.
Although, if she ever showed up at my place; I'm sure I could have Lou-Lou play along and answer the door for me. I could make Alyssa think I was fucking her. I could hurt her the way I'm hurting now, but I'd rather just be done with her for good.
I briefly consider keying her precious BMW, but quite frankly, I don't have the energy to go all Carrie Underwood on her ass. I still have over an hour drive ahead of me.
Besides, I'm sure Mr. Special Agent, Daddy Warbucks would just offer to buy her a brand new car. Hell, maybe he's the one who bought her the one she has now.
I almost let myself love her. I was right there...on the fucking cliff...already falling...about to land.
I just never knew I was headed for a crash landing.
Chapter Twenty-One
Alyssa
Fuck, I forgot my purse.
I briefly consider turning around. But for what? How the hell can I even begin to explain what goes on inside my mind to Jackson? He'll think I'm a psycho. Hell, I probably am.
A part of me wants to turn the car around, but Jackson will just want to talk about everything. How can I tell him about this place I go to inside myself that causes me to do these things? How can I tell him that when he hurt me...all I thought about was Ford.
How can I tell him about Ford?
I know, deep down inside that Ford is the gatekeeper to this hellhole I'm trapped in. But I can't live without him...because he's the only one who ever showed me love after that horrible day. He's the one who cared when I had no one else. He's the only tie to my father I have left. And if I severe our relationship...I'll have nothing.
I know our relationship isn't healthy. It hasn't been since that day in his office, maybe even before that if I'm being honest with myself.
But I know he loves me. I know he cares...and I know he will always be there for me.
Like now, I think, as I pull into my driveway and see him waiting for me in his car.
As soon as I get out of my own car, his arms are around me.
“What happened, sweetheart? You don't look happy.” His blue eyes are piercing tonight and his expression is particularly kind.
I'm immediately uneasy. Ford hasn't treated me like this in a very long time. Usually, he's upset with me about something or telling me all that I do wrong. I almost want to ask him when the last time he saw me genuinely happy was...because I'm always miserable when he's around.
I shrug as we begin walking toward the house. I don't really want to tell him about Jackson. Besides, anytime he suspects that I've been out with a guy...wow he gets mad.
I decide to stay silent. Because I know that when it comes to Ford, anything and everything I say will eventually be used against me.
We walk up to the house, but I don't invite him in. I'm too exhausted to deal with whatever it is he came here for tonight. “I'm tired, Ford. I think I'm just going to go to bed. Have a good night.”
His hand wraps around my arm and he spins me around. Then I see it. The moment he looks down at my dress and his expression fills with disgust. “I wonder why that is, Alyssa.”
When I don't respond, he pushes me further. “I know you've been seeing someone.”
He says this like the concept of me actually having a relationship with anyone is utterly barbaric.
I let him continue because I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to that. I don't want to correct him and tell him that we got into a fight and might be over; because I don't want him telling me that he told me so and that no one will ever love me.
“I know you stayed at his apartment in the city the last time I saw you. He was also who you hung up on me for during our last conversation.”
I don't know how he has this information or why it matters so much to him. “Yeah...and? What's your point?”