Too bad for him that's no longer an option. I'm bringing Jackson into the dark with me and I won't stop until I make him pay. I'll show him my fucked up underworld. He can find his own way out when I'm through with him...unlike me who never will.
Steeling myself, I take the few steps forward until I'm standing directly in front of him.
He takes my panties out of my hand and his eyes blaze when he runs his thumb along the crotch of them. His head rests against the wall and he closes his eyes. I watch his adam's apple bob, straining against his throat as he begins to unbutton his shirt.
For a second, I wince when I see the tape across his ribs, hating the sight of him hurt. I force myself to put it out of my head and focus on the task at hand when he shrugs out of his shirt.
He opens his eyes and his hand reaches out for my cheek. His gray orbs are obscured with both lust and turmoil as his pupil's drill into me. We both know this is the final step before takeoff, the last chance to stop myself.
I slowly drop to my knees. And because I'm more fucked up than I ever realized, I decide to prolong his torture by saying, “Tell me exactly what you want me to do, Jackson.”
He groans, his hands tightening at his sides. “Undo my pants and pull me out,” he says, low and deep.
I undo his belt buckle and unzip his jeans before sliding them down his hips.
I expect him to be wearing boxers, but he's going commando. My breath catches because his erection is both long and thick. My eyes focus on the glint of metal from the barbell going through the engorged head of his cock. I also can't help but take in the veins and ridges encompassing his shaft and the pure masculine scent radiating off him.
I'm so turned on, I can't find my way into the darkness. I'm completely out of my element now. All I can do is succumb to my own arousal.
I dip my head forward, look up at him and plant a kiss on the small drop of fluid leaking from his tip.
His eyes glaze over and the tight cords of his muscles flex in restraint. I'm struck with the overwhelming feeling of wanting to see him lose control.
I take him in my hand and pump him while I run my tongue along the seam of his balls. My tongue travels back up to his length and I lick the throbbing vein running across his shaft.
“Fuck, Alyssa,” he rasps.
I open wide and proceed to fill my mouth with as much of him as I can. I start sucking him with earnest then. His hand wraps around my hair and he thrusts his hips forward. “That's it, baby. Just like that. God, that feels so fucking good,” he groans, his voice husky.
I don't let up, my mouth bobs up and down, barely stopping for air. I continue even when I begin gagging and his piercing hits the back of my throat. I look up and notice that his eyes are closed, his mouth is parted, and his breathing has become erratic. He's so far gone in the throes of ecstasy, chanting my name like a prayer.
I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the sexiest sight I've ever seen in my life.
“I'm close, baby,” he warns. I feel his cock pulse in my mouth and I swallow every last drop of his release while gently tugging on his balls.
“Holy...shit,” he grunts.
Before I know what's happening, he's hauling me up to him and crushing his mouth against mine. “That was incredible,” he whispers.
I'm brought back down to reality and I give him a menacing smile.
He looks confused for a moment...until I utter my next statement and his face falls.
“Was it better than the blow job you saw me give when you watched the video, Jackson?”
Before he can answer or stop me, I adjust my dress, find my jacket and keys and head straight for the front door.
His hand reaches for my wrist when I touch the doorknob. “Alyssa. It's not what you think.”
Anger rips through me. “Oh, so you're going to try and deny it?”
He shakes his head, his expression hurt. “No. I won't lie to you. I...I watched it.” He sighs. “Well, part of it before I had to turn it off—”
I didn't think I could feel any worse about the situation. I didn't think there was any more hurt left to experience in my lifetime.
I was wrong.
He's disgusted by me. And why wouldn't he be? He just witnessed who and what I am first hand.
Ford's words from that day echo in my head, shredding my insides. I have no value...no one could or ever will love me.
My hands reach for my necklace and I tug on it until it falls. “Goodbye, Jackson.”
Chapter Twenty
Jackson
“Goodbye, Jackson.”
With those words, she slams the door and takes off. Her necklace tossed on the ground.
I know I fucked up. I know I shouldn't have let her do what she did. Even if it was the best blowjob I'd ever received.
I wanted to wait awhile before we did anything sexual, I didn't want to rush things and screw it all up. But when she uttered those words...about being with another guy...I saw red.
And in all honesty, I thought she was into it after I called her on her bullshit. That look in her eye was gone, and her manipulation was replaced by lust. In some fucked up way, I thought it was a good thing.
Clearly, I was wrong.
But I still don't regret going after that piece of shit tonight.
She was taking too long in the bathroom and I thought something happened.
Something happened all right...that shit stain was standing right in front of her. How he ended up there in the first place is anyone's guess.
I recognized his tattoo immediately. I was hoping I was mistaken, but deep down I knew it was him. I went into that place inside my head and I blacked out. I barely even remember any of it.
I thought I was in the cage...defending Lilly.
It wasn't until my fist hit the floor and I heard Ricardo's voice that I was brought back to reality.
Then I saw the look on Alyssa's face. She was petrified.
And why wouldn't she be? She just saw her boyfriend for all of two seconds on the verge of killing another person.
And trust me, if Ricardo wasn't there...I would have killed him.
For all I know, I might have.
She didn't utter a word the whole walk home. She just kept her head down and her arms crossed over her chest, shielding herself. I knew we had to talk about it. I knew I had to come clean about watching the video. I knew she would put two and two together and she deserved answers.
I wanted to give her those answers. But when I came out of the bathroom...something happened.
I didn't understand it...but she became someone else. All I knew was that it was because of me.
I tried to talk to her, but she kept telling me she didn't want to talk. Then, she kept throwing herself at me...and kept taking the control away from me. I knew I had to let her have it, within reason...but when I saw it going down a bad road my suspicions were confirmed.
I knew exactly what she was doing.
And the fact that she was doing it with me? Even though I made it clear to her time and time again that I didn't want to be used by her....well, I couldn't let it go down like that.
And I sure as hell wasn't going to let her go running off to fuck some other dude. That would only make things worse...not to mention, it would kill me.
So, I did the next best thing...I let her have what she was asking for.