“Will this affect my job?” I say it weakly.
It’s what I’ve been thinking about since the moment I got here.
Seth shakes his head adamantly. “No. You’ve more than proven how incredible you are at your job. If anyone tries to touch your position, I’ll whoop their ass myself. But technically or legally speaking, there is little anyone could do. There is no evidence of nepotism, no one knows what went on before you came to Packton. And everyone is mostly too chickenshit to ask. The Callahans are an intimidating bunch. I don’t think you’ll have many issues.”
At least that gives me a sense of relief. One less thing I have to worry about.
As for the other million, they’re still floating around, poisoning my brain.
30
Sinclair
“You decided you wanted to do the baby shopping, and I got roped into this how?”
My brother whines as we pass a section of frilly, pink velvet curtains. The cart I’m pushing is full of blankets, pacifiers, a diaper pail, sheets, something called a Boppy pillow, and a ton of things relating to Frankie’s breast pump that looks like alien machinery.
“Hannah still wanted to come, and then she insisted that this be a double date. So now even your wife, the nicest one of this bunch, is trying to meddle in my relationship.” I say it snarkily, but I couldn’t be in a better mood today.
Everything we’ve picked out is just so cute. I never thought I’d be this guy, the one trailing after his woman like a puppy with its tail between its legs, getting excited about hooded bath towels that look like alligators and wind-up toys that sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” But here I am. Who would have thought the guy who only two and a half years ago was downing full vodka bottles on a Friday night would now be here?
Certainly not me. But I’m fucking ecstatic that I am.
“I just tagged along because the woman promised me a huge French dip sandwich after this.” Walker rubs his belly, which is actually an eight-pack. “And because I want to meddle in your relationship.”
“What relationship?” I sigh. “She’ll barely let me come into her house. Yes, I’m granted two lunches a week now, and I got to go to her appointment the other day, but that’s where she draws the line. She still hasn’t given me an answer one way or the other on the birth.”
Seeing my son up on that sonogram screen for the first time was … Jesus, it was everything. I’d been so overwhelmed, so emotional, that I grabbed Frankie’s hand and laced our fingers together. I heard her small intake of breath, but she hadn’t let go. We’d gone through that doctor’s appointment like two partners, bringing their first child into the world together.
“Frankie told me once that she doesn’t believe in soul mates.” Walker’s voice is even, not giving away his mood one way or another.
I cock my head to the side. “She doesn’t?”
My brother shakes his head. “No. She told Clark and I that humans could basically make themselves fall in love with anyone. But it was hard work and choosing to stay with someone that really made a relationship work. That there isn’t one person for everyone, but a drive and a determination to love and respect your partner that keeps couples together in the long run.”
“I can’t say I disagree with her.” It makes sense.
“I do.” Walker nods definitively. “Sure, all relationships or marriages take hard work. They take patience and perseverance. You have to be willing to grit your teeth and bear it through the hard times. But at the end of the day, if you don’t have that spark, that connection, that undying love, you really don’t have anything. I waited years for Hannah. Because I knew, she was it for me. Why do you think that in the span of just weeks, you and Frankie became inseparable? That you were willing to conceal parts of yourself just to be with her? She’s your soul mate.”
He was getting too deep, right here in this store. Yes, I am in love with her. But she needs time. I need time to broach the subject. It has taken me the entire time of her being in Packton to even get to this point, and I am still at arm’s length.
“If she was my soul mate, why would I leave her in Florida? Why wouldn’t she ask me to stay, or ask us to work through the distance? Why would she keep her pregnancy from me? We’re just two people who got hot and heavy too quickly, and then it burned out.”
I say this to get him off my case. But it’s also the thought that’s haunted me this entire time. Why can’t we just be together if it’s that simple? If we are soul mates?
“Does it feel like it’s burned out?” Walker gives me a smug, all-knowing smirk.
I stare at my shoes, knowing that he’s right.
“Where are you with the cart, Sinclair? You’re going to make your pregnant girlfriend carry around this heavy pack-n-play box?” Hannah chides me.
“Hannah!” Frankie coughs on a gasp.
We all know she just used the term girlfriend to stir the pot. I side-eye Walker because clearly, these two had some sort of plan coming into today.
“Come on, babe, let’s go pick up those doll clothes you promised Breanna.” Walker has to all but drag his wife away by the elbow as she protests about still needing to hit the baby boy clothes section.
Frankie smiles shyly, looking at me under her thick eyelashes. “Those two are, um …”
“Yeah, they’re meddlers.” I laugh conspiratorially.
“Sometimes I do wonder what I am to you. Do people think I’m your girlfriend when they see us out? We don’t have rings on. Maybe you could be my gentleman friend. Baby daddy just sounds so, I don’t know, tacky.” She shudders and her curls bounce around the delicate features of her face.
“You’re the mother of my child, which I think is a way more important moniker than girlfriend. Maybe even wife. We’re bringing a life into the world and choosing to do it together. I think that matters a hell of a lot more than some honeymoon stage of a relationship.”
Frankie blinks at me, an unreadable expression passing through her purplish-hazel eyes. “It is, isn’t it?”
“You mean more to me than almost anyone in my life,” I tell her honestly.
Walker got to me with his soul mates conversation, and I’m feeling everything too rawly.
“Sinclair, I …”
Come on, let me see you, I want to say to her. Just give in, be with me. My head and heart scream it, but my lips stay silent.
“Let’s check the rest of this stuff off the list. You’ve been on your feet awhile, and we should get you some lunch.”
I shut down the conversation so she doesn’t have to. Once again, we’re both not brave enough to just come out and admit to our feelings.
An hour later, we sit at Walker’s favorite lunch spot just a town over from Packton.
I’ve spent many an afternoon here, from the time I was just a child to the rare days I was up before four p.m. and not three beers deep already. Before, I spent so much of my life in a haze. Either I was hungover, tipsy, or fucking wasted. It’s strange now, visiting places as a sober man. It feels like I live on an entirely different planet, even though I’ve resided in my hometown nearly my entire life.