“Adamo and I aren’t in a serious relationship. We have fun together. That’s all.”
Remo leaned closer, and I shied back involuntarily. “Whatever’s between the two of you extends beyond fucking. You two share the same vices.”
“Adamo and I need to figure it out by ourselves.”
Remo gave me a look that sent a shiver down my back. I didn’t resent him for his protectiveness of his younger brother. If Adamo ever met my father…things wouldn’t be any different. Dad would try to scare him away or at least scare him into treating me right. If he wasn’t Remo Falcone’s brother, he’d probably even kill him. Maybe he’d do it anyway if he considered it the only option to protect me.
“Maybe we should talk about the reason why you’re here now. Ask whatever you want to know.”
“Did my father know all these years that my mother was alive?”
Remo nodded. “I never told him otherwise. I had no reason to kill her.”
“You didn’t, but my father had. So why didn’t you allow my father to kill her himself? I can see it in his eyes that he wants to do it. You are the only thing standing in his way,” I said.
“Because,” Remo growled. “That’s your privilege. I told your father I’d keep her in my territory until you were old enough to decide over her fate. I’d have thought you’d come along sooner to kill her.”
I froze, realizing the gift laid out before me, the gift Remo was offering. Dad had never mentioned that tidbit of information. Of course, he hadn’t. He wanted me in the light, and what Remo was offering led into the depth of hell. “You’ve kept her for me so I could kill her?”
Kill my mother. I had lost count of the times I’d considered it in abstract fantasies, but I had never been this close. My heart sped up. In the last few days, the idea had taken shape, but the Camorra had always seemed in my way, a barrier I’d have to pass to get what I wanted. Now I realized the only thing stopping me was me. If I wanted to do it, I could find her now and end her life.
“Kill her or do whatever else you see fit for someone like her after everything she’s done.”
“Broken me?” I clipped, even if it was a tone not fit for a Capo.
“I don’t see someone broken when I look at you. And if you think you are, then you should try to fix yourself because no one else can.”
I nodded. Dad had tried, Dima had tried, even Adamo was trying but deep down I knew there was only one way for me to get past what had happened.
“What if I want her to be free? What if I want to make my peace with her? Not everyone needs to kill their mother to move on.” It was a risky thing to say, but Remo had caught me on the wrong foot.
His expression became dangerous. “That’s true. Some people can make peace with their abusers, but our kind isn’t able to do it.”
Our kind. My father had always tried to keep me away from the darkness but its call had always been loud and clear in my heart. “I never considered killing her.”
Remo gave me a look that made it clear he didn’t believe me.
“In detail,” I amended. “I thought she was dead so I never really considered it a valid option. It was the impossible fantasy of a desperate mind.”
“It’s not an impossible fantasy anymore, Dinara. It’s your revenge. It’s in your reach. You only have to take it.”
I swallowed. “I can’t kill her now. Not yet. I’ve never killed anyone,” I admitted. I’d never even witnessed someone being killed. I had by accident walked in after a killing once when Dad had shot one of his soldiers in his office. But the man had been dead and lying in his blood. I hadn’t looked into his eyes in his last waking moments.
Remo shrugged. “No one’s without fault.”
I snorted. “Some people might see it as a virtue to refrain from killing.”
“Those are usually people who’ve never seen the dark side of life, and tasted how good it can be if you bend it to your will.”
“I have seen enough darkness…” I paused, trying to really feel inside of me. I didn’t doubt I could pull a trigger if given the right incentive, especially to protect myself or people I cared about. But revenge was a different beast. It stemmed from an even darker urge.
Yet, I wanted to follow its calling.
I practically bounced on the bar stool as I waited for Dinara to talk to Remo. It didn’t sit well with me that she had to deal with him alone.
“Remo wants to help her. There’s no reason for you to be tense,” Nino drawled. He sat on the bar stool beside me, regarding me with his usual analytical calm expression.
“Would you have been relaxed to have Kiara in a room with Remo in the beginning?”
“Kiara needed to feel protected and she only trusted me. Dinara seems like a woman who can handle herself. She won’t let Remo intimidate her. You don’t have to worry.” He narrowed his eyes in consideration. “But your comparison proves that your relation to Dinara goes beyond the physical aspect. You care for her on an emotional level.”
I tore my eyes away from his. “It’s complicated.”
“Indeed.”
Steps sounded and the door to the back corridor swung open. Dinara was awfully pale when she stepped into the bar. That was a look many people displayed after some alone time with Remo.
I jumped off the stool and hurried over to her. I touched her shoulder, drawing her gaze to mine. “Are you all right?”
Dinara nodded distractedly. “Yeah.” She laughed hoarsely. “Or maybe not.”
“What did Remo say?”
Dinara held up a piece of paper with a handwritten note. “He gave me the address of the bar where my mother works.”
“Dinara,” I said slowly. Remo had always wanted to kill our mother for what she’d done to him and my brothers. Revenge had been his driving force. For him it was impossible to comprehend that not everyone followed the same logic as him.
“Take me there,” Dinara said, not allowing me to voice my worries. I could feel Nino’s gaze on us, probably analyzing our body language to assess our level of emotional connection.
I sighed and resisted the urge to walk into Remo’s office to confront him. It would have been hypocritical anyway because avenging Dinara had been on my mind since I’d found out about her past. But I wanted to protect her from it. Nino gave us a curt nod as we walked past him and to my car. Dinara was tense beside me as I headed toward the address. I’d been to the bar only once before. It was one of our shabbier whorehouses, not a place I enjoyed spending time in.
“What will you do when you see your mother?” I asked. I remembered seeing my mother for the first time in years when I was a teen. She was in an asylum, a seemingly broken woman who wanted peace. Back then I’d wanted to move beyond my brothers’ constant need for blood and death. I wanted to be better. Instead my desperate attempt to change fate had only thrust me deeper into my predetermined path.
Dinara turned to me, her teal eyes wide. “I don’t know.”
“I assume Remo gave you permission to kill her.”
“He did. He gave me permission to do to her whatever I want. He called it my privilege.”